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  1. Like Katie, I had to walk away and digest your words that so accurately reflect the emotional wreck lingering just below my surface. Your words of our survival are true, but I still can't accept them when the pain is so raw. I love you Val.
  2. Yesterday marked 3 years that my mama and best friend left this place. I hurt, I ache. When I lost mama, I lost my best friend-the person who held me up, who shopped with me, who cooked with me, who gave me good advice about my sons. Losing my mama has forced me into a cold and angry spot today. Talk about being forever changed...I have, Katie. I don't know why I'm surprised that my stepdad, scratch that, her husband nor my brother contacted me. We were at odds throughout her illness, but I thought we'd make good on our promise to have lunch at mom's favorite place every year on the 18th. My brother didn't even call me. I just can't believe it... Mama was the link that held it all together. I tried to fill her shoes, but I am turning it over. I can't any longer inititate relationships with people who are so selfish and insensitive. I am still plugging away at my commitment to her; I will graduate in the spring. The image of her yelling from the stands "You go, girl" still inspire me to muddle through the toughest of days. But as for today, I surrender it all to God. I have tons of stuff to do, yet cannot. I can't decide if I should go into my car and scream or just go to bed while the tears flow down my cheeks. I lost an entire "family" when I lost her. My kiddos lost the best nana ever. We had a good family cry last night, but I realized that Liam (now 7) has no memories of my mom other than lying in the bed at my house. My pain has obviously passed through to him bc he was beside himself last night. Graden (now 9) remembers a few things, and he obviously holds onto those things deep in his heart. He was moved to tears last night as well. While I do not want my boys to be sad, at least in mama's memory and to honor her, I am teaching my sons to share emotions and their few memories, while my brother has hundreds of memories, yet not an ounce of emotion. OK, so I'm a mess at this 3 year mark. It's official.
  3. I am so sorry to read this sad news. Nancy was a fighter who had true passion for life. My condolences to your family...
  4. Christy, I am so sorry to see this post. My love and hugs to you.
  5. I think of everyone here very often. I am still missing my mama and really never plan on that feeling going away. I have had a year full of changes and I really wish that mama was here to share in the joy with me. I miss her laugh and strong shoulders. This Christmas, may we all have joyful memories of our loved ones mixed in with the tears. My love to you all! Lori
  6. mamasbabygirl

    cindi o'h

    I spent the day with Cindi a while ago. She was not an imposter! Cindi had a rough life and many issues. Don't we all??? This makes me so sad. I lost contact with her after our visit when her phone was disconnected. I can't believe that she was still in Dayton. I thought she had gone back to Minnesota. This devastates me bc I know that she did not have any support in Dayton, just a lot of false promises. You finally have your peace Cindiwho! and you will continue to be missed.
  7. Oh my goodness. This is weird, yet comforting, that I came here for support only to find that my old buds are here feeling the same way as me. I miss my mama and all that she would be doing with us these days... i love you mom
  8. mamasbabygirl


    Hey guys. I finaly spoke with Karen's husband Bob and as I had expected, he informed me that Karen passed away on November 12. She never regained consciousness after her brain stem was radiated. Karen talked to my mom on the phone once and sent her lots of uplifting and inspiring emails/PMs and so I hold a special place for her in my heart. Rest in Peace Karen.
  9. I wish that my mom's Dr. would have offered us ths option early in her treatment. I hope that it works for your mom-it is called PCI.
  10. I LOVE THIS POST! My mama is bringing the buckeyes (I spent hours making 100s of them today, her recipe of course). She will have her CD player in tow and jammin out to some good ole 70's tunes...
  11. FYI..I've slipped myself into Beth's suitcase. Once we get our dome home ready, I'll have my kids fly to join us-they desperately need a nana and I need the advice. My girlfriends and I have been discussing communal living for a long time-NO MEN! Boy children must leave at 18, girls can stay. ((PAT)) ((EVERYONE HERE WHO HURTS, ME INCLUDED))
  12. I am glad that life is treating you well Beth. I think of you often.
  13. Cool post! I'm Lori and I live in northern KY near Cincinnati, OH. I am 34 years old and I have 2 sons-Graden is 7 and Liam is 5. Family is dwindling-lost dad when I was 18 (he was 40), hubby when I was 27 (he was 29) and now mom who was 52 in September 06. On the bright side, I have 2 uncles and an aunt who love me and are here for me. After working in Financial Services for many years, I am now a full-time student. I am fulfilling a promise to myself and my precious mama to get my degree. Upon graduation, I will be a high school French/English teacher- I am trying to get certified in both. The wonderful people here have held me up more times than I can count. Your stories also inspired my mama to fight the good fight. When I get stressed out with school, kids, house, etc., I picture my mama smiling proud on my graduation day and it gives me strength to push on...
  14. Cheers to his wonderful soul!
  15. Thanksgiving..ahhh...the memories are so great. Like Katie, I am making dinner for a few people (in John's family) today for this first time. Building up to today has been awful for everyone around me. I can't keep it together, but I know that I need to. Grief takes a powerful hold over me and makes me lose focus on what I need to do. If SHE was still here, life would be good. Without her, it feels empty, even on Thanksgiving. I know it is wrong. I have my children and I ask that you all pray that I can get myself together to be thankful for them. If SHE was still here, she'd be here with me and the celery and onion would be boiling on the stove. We'd be excited about the upcoming parade. Instead, I am motionless on the loveseat, frozen by fear realized-this is my life and I don't like it. The celery and onion await me, but the tears won't stop and my heart hurts so bad that it feels like my chest is going to burst open. My brother and stepdad, needless to say, will not be here. My life, as I knew it, is different. I hardly see them. They are part of stepdad's family now. I was not even invited to my brother's birthday celebration. I do NOT for one moment regret anything I did for my mom, stepping on toes and all. But, if SHE was here, that never ever would have happened. I did make him a cake and have him over, it was like a sidenote. I have got to find some inspiration to get myself moving today. It is so hard to live this new reality. How I wish, how I wish you were here...
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