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ViVi

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Posts posted by ViVi

    Time for an update.

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Dear DeanCarl,

    I just spent the last hour composing an email to you and when I hit 'submit', it was erased! Oh, well, it was much too long anyway.

    But because I think you will like the story, I'll try to rewrite it later today. I'm too emotionally exhausted right now, and besides, I HAVE to do some work!

    Thank you for your words of wisdom, your words of encouragement, and your words of total selflessness.

    Love,

    ViVi

    General Malaise (is that the right word?)

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Okay, simmer down, TeeTaa. We can't afford to take on the state of Virginia right now - or CAN we??? And I say " we" because I always manage to find myself tagging along when you 'go for it!' I'll never forget the remarks of the docs at MDA after meeting us at Terry's appointment. Better yet, the assessment the Radiology onc and staff made of us that day we both invited ourselves into Terry's examining room. But I sure needed you that first day I took Terry to his regular Onc. But I have to admit, I did much better the second visit. I'll never forget the expression on his face when Terry asked him about possible chemo and which one he would suggest starting with. When he said, "Well, there are several that we could start off with" , Terry and I named over a few, along with their pros/cons and asked for his opinion of them. It was like he wanted to say, "How do you know THAT??" And I would have replied, "From your waiting room!" because he would have known I was lying - as there didn't appear to be anyone in there who knew a thing about what they were being injected with nor WHY. And they sure weren't going to get the info from him! Oh, well, another day, another story. But I believe to this day that he would recognize me on the street and I only had the 'priviledge' of seeing him twice.

    So - maybe we do need to head to VA. If we can't straighten the whole state out, at least we could baby sit that beautiful child and/or haul DavidC back and forth. He seems like a pretty nice fella - kinda like someone else I know - someone I miss SO much.

    Hang in there, Karen, and let us know if there's any background work, research, etc. that we could do to help you out.

    ViVi

    Living on after David

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Dear Cheryl,

    I wish I could help but I'm afraid I'm not too good at that right now. Sometimes I think I have it all together and then all of a sudden tears will be streaming down my face as I remember a particular moment with TBone, or as I attempt to try something on this 'puter and can't figure out how and don't have him to email for a quick answer, or when I look at his beautiful children and wife who have that look of loss in their eyes, or when I fix the chicken and biscuits dish that he loved so much during his last few months (when he could still eat), or when I look out across the pond and remember all the good times we've shared there, or when I look out my window and remember seeing him pacing around the pond this time last year as he hit rock bottom and I remember shedding tears then because he looked so lonely. Little did we know what the year would bring.

    But we WILL survive and we WILL go on because the pond is still here and ready to be fished, the computer is still here and I'll manage to master (or at least get through) my tasks, there's still chicken to cook, all our children are back in school and having fun with friends, his wife is back at work and handling the financial affairs, MeMa is back going to the Sr. Center every day, TeeTaa is busy as ever (well, almost) doing all her volunteering, Teacake is replanning our sister trip to NYC, etc., etc., etc.

    And I've learned something - every time those tears come, I concentrate real hard on making them happy tears instead of sad tears by replacing memories that I had rather forget, like those last few weeks of his life, with memories that I want to remember forever, like watching his childhood delight every time he dug up an earthworm to go in his fishbait bucket, or his delight in catching the 'biggest' fish or watching as one of the kids caught it, or those beautiful days of reconciliation, understanding, and communication as we celebrated his sobriety even as we mourned his cancer diagnosis. There are so many good memories that one day I know they will overshadow the sad memories and all (at least most) of my tears will be happy tears. I know that because my Daddy died of lung cancer 30 years ago and finally it has come to pass. After a certain time, it seems that each day got a little easier, with fewer tears and more smiles than the day before. I'll be glad when that 'certain time' has lapsed for you and for me and for Tee Taa and for Teacke and for all the others on this board who have lost loved ones.

    A new day - may it dawn tomorrow!

    Praying for us all,

    ViVi

    Duke of Earl - Chapter 73 - Winding Down

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Dear Ginny,

    Tonight I would give anything if I could take away just one minute of your sadness or give you one minute of relief from the mental burden.....

    I can only tell you that we are all there with you, and even though you have felt our presence in the past few weeks, you have no idea how vital our 'presence' will be to you in the days ahead. Just know that we are there sharing your tears.

    You have always expressed your pride in the Duke. I know he is so proud of you right now.

    Praying for us all,

    ViVi

    Fun in Heaven

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Thanks, TeeTaa, for making my morning brighter. Glad to have you posting again after your brief absence - I knew you'd make it back before too long.

    Sure hope TBone and David A took along a laptop or two so they can start a Heaven Chat. Maybe they'll call it 'Angel Talk'.

    ViVi

    really need prayers

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    MJ,

    TBone went through WBR in Feb. and did great until very near the end of his 28 (I think) treatments when he lost ALL energy and appetite, which he never got back. TeeTaa, Teacake and I agreed last week, however, that we are glad that he had the WBR because we know that it DID shrink his brain mets and he got rid of those awful headaches. But more importantly, we think the WBR probably prevented him from having seizures and/or 'losing his mind', the two things that he was most horrified of doing to his family. He lost his hair on the 10th treatment but he was still feeling good then and got a good laugh out of his kids combing his hair out by the handful while the 16 year old son sang "You Are So Beautiful".

    Right now you need to take care of YOU or you will not be much help to your mom. I know that's easier said than done but, believe me, it's the truth.

    ViVi

    Crossing the Creek

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Dear Pam,

    Thanks to Dean Carl, we were 'turned on' to Crossing the Creek a few months ago. I was so mesmerized by it that I read the entire 'book' one night on the computer screen. When I told TeeTaa about it she bought the download and made copies for all TBone's siblings and a few friends.

    You might also be interested in two books we read that were very valuable to us, especially in Terry's last days - Final Gifts byMaggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley (hospice nurses) and Dying Well by Ira Byock (hospice doctor). Although there is nothing that can prepare you for losing a loved one, these three books helped us realize what was going on in Terry's mind and body and therefore made us more aware of his needs. I wish I could say that reading them made losing him easier but of course that is not true. What I can say, however, is that reading them made understanding the dying process a little easier.

    Praying for us all,

    ViVi

    A Note from ViVi

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Dear, Dear Friends,

    I sat down at the computer early this morning just to check on everyone, promising myself that I would not stay long, as not only do I have many chores to 'catch up' on, but I also did not think my emotional state could handle a long browse of the message board. But here it is 2 hours later and I am still here.

    You cannot imagine how important your condolences have been to me in handling my grief. I have read them over and over and each time I cry and each time I smile.

    At the time of TBone's 'visitation', there had been 66 replies to my post notifying all of you of his death. I printed out the posts (I hope you don't mind) and made a notebook entitled "Condolences from lchelp.com - the lung cancer survivors' message board Terry joined in January, 2004". I put the notebook on the table in the funeral chapel entryway along with pictures of him from over his lifetime. Many people were astounded that so many people from so many places had responded with such beautiful words. Many commented that it was evident that not only did TBone have a strong and supportive and loving family here at home and in our community, but he also had one that he had never met face to face. Thank you so much for all the words, all the tears, and all the love. I gave the notebook to Ann, Dozier, Elliott and Anna and I know they will find comfort in it in the days and years to come.

    As Teacake said, we think TBone would have liked his funeral service and our 'party' afterwards. We burned a CD with Dido's "White Flag" and "Thank you", Jackson Browne's "For a Dancer", John Prine's "Fish and Whistle" and Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" which played as the crowd (and what a crowd it was!!) assembled at the graveside. During the short service, Jake, our nephew, played and sang John Prine's "Paradise" and Dylan's "Forever Young" (dedicated by Terry to his children and nieces and nephews). The crowd dispersed to "Fish and Whistle". Then we came to my house where our many, many wonderful friends fed our out-of -town guests, extended families, friends (and whoever else showed up) from a stash of food brought in by friends that would have fed the entire Message Board! The kids swam in the pond and we all relived old times and we all left smiling. Terry, who was actually not a big crowd man (he liked to talk bull one-on-one or in small groups), I am sure was looking down and smiling - that is, if he wasn't too busy hauling in fish on that big boat he bought last week!

    I grieve with those of you who have lost loved ones this week and also those of you who are sharing the last days with your loved ones. That is the hardest part.

    I thank each one of you for taking the minutes from your precious time to express your condolences and to share our grief. And I once again thank all of you for taking TBone and his family into your own family and into your hearts for the past 7 months. Rest assured that every one of you will always be a part of our family and each one of you will always have a place in my heart and possess a piece of my soul.

    Love,

    Ginger (ViVi)

    _________________

    TBone has died.

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Dear, Dear Friends,

    I sat down at the computer early this morning just to check on everyone, promising myself that I would not stay long, as not only do I have many chores to 'catch up' on, but I also did not think my emotional state could handle a long browse of the message board. But here it is 2 hours later and I am still here.

    You cannot imagine how important your condolences have been to me in handling my grief. I have read them over and over and each time I cry and each time I smile.

    At the time of TBone's 'visitation', there had been 66 replies to my post notifying all of you of his death. I printed out the posts (I hope you don't mind) and made a notebook entitled "Condolences from lchelp.com - the lung cancer survivors' message board Terry joined in January, 2004". I put the notebook on the table in the funeral chapel entryway along with pictures of him from over his lifetime. Many people were astounded that so many people from so many places had responded with such beautiful words. Many commented that it was evident that not only did TBone have a strong and supportive and loving family here at home and in our community, but he also had one that he had never met face to face. Thank you so much for all the words, all the tears, and all the love. I gave the notebook to Ann, Dozier, Elliott and Anna and I know they will find comfort in it in the days and years to come.

    As Teacake said, we think TBone would have liked his funeral service and our 'party' afterwards. We burned a CD with Dido's "White Flag" and "Thank you", Jackson Browne's "For a Dancer", John Prine's "Fish and Whistle" and Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" which played as the crowd (and what a crowd it was!!) assembled at the graveside. During the short service, Jake, our nephew, played and sang John Prine's "Paradise" and Dylan's "Forever Young" (dedicated by Terry to his children and nieces and nephews). The crowd dispersed to "Fish and Whistle". Then we came to my house where our many, many wonderful friends fed our out-of -town guests, extended families, friends (and whoever else showed up) from a stash of food brought in by friends that would have fed the entire Message Board! The kids swam in the pond and we all relived old times and we all left smiling. Terry, who was actually not a big crowd man (he liked to talk bull one-on-one or in small groups), I am sure was looking down and smiling - that is, if he wasn't too busy hauling in fish on that big boat he bought last week!

    I grieve with those of you who have lost loved ones this week and also those of you who are sharing the last days with your loved ones. That is the hardest part.

    I thank each one of you for taking the minutes from your precious time to express your condolences and to share our grief. And I once again thank all of you for taking TBone and his family into your own family and into your hearts for the past 7 months. Rest assured that every one of you will always be a part of our family and each one of you will always have a place in my heart and possess a piece of my soul.

    Love,

    Ginger (ViVi)

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