curlysue50

Randall: thank you for sharing your experiences and insight. I remember when I was first diagnosed I told everyone I came in contact with that I had lung cancer. I could see the pity or empathy in tbheir eyes and how uncomfortable I had made them feel. I did not like that result and told my husband that I was going to remove my "pity pin". The label I was pinning on myself that identified me as a cancer patient. I decided to be myself, instead. Not everyone needs to know my diagnosis. I share with those that need to know or I feel are interested in how I am really doing. I am going to work hard to do some of those special things that make me,me! I will need help. I will try to ask for help when I do need it. Tonight I noticed a corn field just coming up. The rows were on a slightly undulating hillside. The effect of those curvy rows with the bright green sprouts coming through the wet, brown earth was spectacular. Simple moment, but I was able to notice and appreciate it. Progress! Susan

Judy: It must be the year of the racoon! We have some that have been emptying our hummingbird feeder. I thought it was leaking until I saw the grubby coon prints, sticky all over the feeder. They were also digging up newly planted azaleas in my front yard. I love animals but when they start destroying things in my yard that are important to me, something has to go. And it had to be the coons. I feel for you Judy! Susan

Janet and Judy: Thank you for being so open and honest sharing your experiences with me here. It really touched my heart and I am not always an "open-hearted" person. In some ways I feel like Janet, that having cancer is my second chance to become the person I felel I am capable of being. I have not always been easy to get to know. Not always expressing my thoughts and feelings openly. I have had friends, but very few that I would really let in. My family fell into that same group. I am the oldest of 4 girls. My youngest sister is 10 years younger and I was almost a mother to her. I was even the person who spent the most time potty training her. I was the chief babysitter and my parents left me home alone with my 3 sisters when I was 11 while they took a week long trip to Minnesota. (I grew up and still live in Michigan). I learned to be responsible early and to not complain. Because frankly who was listening? I was the tough and strong one. I graduated from the University of Michigan on a Saturday and left home to drive to Oklahoma on Sunday morning. Such a relief to be away from those responsibilities of my family. I lived away for 5 years and then returned to Michigan and Ann Arbor where the rest of my family lived and still live. I lived there for 10 years and then went through a divorce. Remarried 1.5 years later and moved 100 miles away. Once again on the outside. I did visit, but got tired of doing the drive. So, once again, I drifted apart from my family. My immediate family has been blessed to not have any loss closer than grandparents. My grandfathers passed away in their early 70,s, but my grandmothers lived to 89 and 93. I have 3 nieces and 5 nephews and three brothers-in-law. And my two daughters. We had never had a fatal illness in our family. I had reflected on that over the years and knew I was blessed and unusual. Many of my friends had experienced loss in their families. So, when I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, it was a real shock to my family. Two of my sisters work in cancer research related fields, and they were full of advice and questions. They hovered over me like crazy. I stayed at my parents (75 and 78 years old) home during treatment. I saw at least one of my sisters every day. We talked about things long left unspoken. I could not drive and was totally dependent on them. A real reversal of roles. I needed them and that felt strange. My husband hated me being at my parents and could not get me home fast enough. Once I was done with chemo, he packed me up and took me 100 miles away again, to the area where he grew up and all his family lives. Out in the middle of nowhere. In a rural area where resources are few and far between. Does that sound like whining? I don't mean it to sound that way. I guess I am just saying that spending so much time alone is getting lonely. My oldest daughter lives in Columbus, OH and my youngest is close by, but in a terrible living situation. She does have an adorable son, 4 1/2 years old, my grandson. I see them a couple of times a week. So, now that things are back to normal I don't see my family so much. I am the one who does the driving and it is usually in conjunction with one of my medical appts in Ann Arbor. So, I guess where I started with this is, I think this is my chance to learn to express myself and appreciate my family members. To let them know I miss them. To call them when I am lonely. No one knows what you are feeling if you don't let them know. I am just not very good at being needy. And I guess for me, to have any need at all is needy. With cancer I do have needs that are different than before I knew I had a terminal illness. Now that I am as healthy as I will probably be for awhile, I feel like this is my chance to work on the things I thought I would take care of later. I have grown over the years. I have gained confidence and appreciation of myself. Coming to the Hope Summit 2012 and sitting in a room where I knew no one, was really a challenge for me. But, I did it! I want to have more moments like that in my life, while I still have the time. I don't have so much wiggle room now, for stepping out of my comfort zone and dealing with things I'd rather avoid. I appreciate all the thoughts and support found on this site. I appreciate Katie B. and her unrelenting energy and drive to find early detection and cure for lung cancer. It is a tough fight. It would be so easy to sit back and let someone else do it. I would not wish lung cancer on anyone. But, since I do have it myself, (no choice about that) I want to make the best of it. And make it the most comfortable for those I love. I know my oldest daughter is really having a hard time with this because she lives 5 hours away and has just started a new job, with not a lot of time off available yet. I made a weekend trip with my husband to see her and her fiance. It meant a lot to both of us. Like you Janet, I don't cry in front of my kids, but I know they are hurting. I hope will live long enough that my grandson will have memories of me. I loved my maternal grandma so much. She lived right across the farm fields where I grew up. My oldest daughter is named for her. She lived until she was 93. My girls remember her. Well, I guess I have taken my fair share and then some today. Thanks for being there and thanks for listening! Susan

I am wondering, and this may not be a "fun" question, but a more serious one, how do those of you who are lung cancer survivors keep your strong, and positive faces on for your spouse, partner or loved ones when you are not feeling strong and positive? At first I just wore my emotions out there for everyone to see. Now that I appear better, can drive, and have hair, (as short and curly as it may be), everyone thinks I am on the mend and will be all better soon. For my self I have to remember my doctor saying to me, "We will not be able to cure you." I have stage 4 NSCLC adenocarcinoma. I see lots of folks whose stories include lots of NED scans. It is still early for me, but, from what I understand, that will probably never be the case for me. Some days I can live and not let that enter my mind. But, sometimes it does affect how I am feeling, and my positive mood is hard to get out. I am just not feeling it. Those around me, seem to have an even harder time dealing with it. One of my sisters even said, maybe you will get 10 years out of your chemo drug. To me that seems overly optimistic, but I don't say so because I don't want to bring her down. I am wondering how others talk with their loved ones about their own mortality. Their is a value to being positive, but you also can't bury your head in the sand when the cancer is so advanced that they can only provide you with palliative care, or radiation. Nothing can remove it all. I can accept that, but how do I talk about it with others without making them look away, or down, or changing the subject? I am trying not to be negative, but I still have a terror of cancer that has not subsided. I want to be able to deal and live with that. I don't want to miss out on what I do have. Susan

Find a topic that fits the story you want to tell. If you want to introduce yourself then use this forum. Hit the new topic button and write your story. If you want to use the My story forum you can post it there. There is not really a right or wrong way to do it. Put your story where you feel most comfortable. I am fairly new to this site also. I have found much support and information. Depending on your situation there are specific topics you can post on. Members will read and post a response or refer you to a more expert resource if they can't answer your question. I have stage 4 NSCLC and am a 10 mo survivor. Welcome and you are in the right place for support. Susan

I hope you know I was only joking Randy! It is sometimes hard to convey a smile when you are writing.(although I. suppose that is what the smiley faces are for! I see I am not the only one wiped out by extra activity. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap this morning and was feeling guilty. I am thinking there must be vast differences in energy levels in cancer patients. Not that I am comparing myself to anyone, but it seems when you are at stage 4, as I am, your energy can be really high one day and then after a day or weekend of high activity, you can be just so tired. Today I did not even get dressed until 4pm. I had no place I had to be and I figure as long as I am showered by the time my husband gets home, I am doing okay. Janet I loved your wedding story! 30 years! What an accomplishment. I have been married 15 years this September, and was married 13 years the first time. My sisters tell me you DO NOT get to add those years together to say how long you have been married. The second marriage has worked out much better than the first. With a church full of lilacs it must have smelled heavenly there for your special day. I am wondering, and this may not be a "fun" question, but a more serious one, how do those of you who are lung cancer survivors keep your strong, and positive faces on for your spouse, partner or loved ones when you are not feeling strong and positive? At first I just wore my emotions out there for everyone to see. Now that I appear better, can drive, and have hair, (as short and curly as it may be), everyone thinks I am on the mend and will be all better soon. For my self I have to remember my doctor saying to me, "We will not be able to cure you." I see lots of folks whose stories include lots of NED scans. It is still early for me, but, from what I understand, that will probably never be the case for me. Some days I can live and not let that enter my mind. But, sometimes it does affect how I am feeling, and my positive mood is hard to get out. I am just not feeling it. Those around me, seem to have an even harder time dealing with it. One of my sisters even said, maybe you will get 10 years out of your chemo drug. To me that seems overly optimistic, but I don't say so because I don't want to bring her down. I am wondering how others talk with their loved ones about their own mortality. Their is a value to being positive, but you also can't bury your head in the sand when the cancer is so advanced that they can only provide you with palliative care, or radiation. Nothing can remove it all. I can accept that, but how do I talk about it with others without making them look away, or down, or changing the subject? Have a great rest of the day! Susan

I was wondering how Randy knows, with such specific detail, where Jimmy Hoffa is located? Susan

Judy: I noticed a shelf I have at my cottage with built- in picture frames. I have pics of my grandson at about 9 months old in it. He will be 5 years old this fall and I was wondering if I should update them. But I love the photos. I also have one of those collage frames with pics of my 50th surprise birthday party. I keep up a few pictures from the different stages in my life in like- themed frames. The 50th in a collage frame, grandson, Dylan at 2 years in shell embellished frames at the cottage. Some pictures have been repaced over time, but I have tried to keep a small piece of each stage of my family history out somewhere. Or you could get one of those new fangled digital frames! I don't hav one, but my oldest daughter does. I have pics of my 2 daughters as youngsters in magnet frames on my fridge. I only keep out the pictures I really love and make me smile. The rest of my pictures are in some albums and the rest in picture boxes that I have meant to sort, but never gotten around do doing. Now with digital pictures they just stay in my computer, camera or on a SD card for my camera. You don't want to forget everything from 10 years ago. And for me, I need those reminders that is for sure! I hope you get to feeling better soon! I also had carbo/taxol chemo and it really wiped me out. I did not have Neulasta, but it does not sound like any fun at all. At the time, I thought because the effect was so powerful on my body, that it would be really powerful against the cancer cells. Apparently there is not a correlation, but the thought at the time helped me accept it better. Eventually you do get your strength back. It is just a gradual healing process. I am lucky my blood work was always good,too and my immune system stayed pretty health, so I did not require transfusion. I am sorry you are struggling, but it sounds like you are in good hands and they are keeping a close eye on you! You always seem to have a positive attitude, although I am sure you have your struggles also. Keep on plowing through it, it gets better. Have a great day! Susan

My favorite is: Rubber baby buggy bumpers! Susan

Most on my mind? Trying to find a place in the middle where I can enjoy some of the pleasures of summer without wearing myself out. I did the grilling today. BBQ babyback ribs on our low tech charcoal grill and grilled corn on the cob. In my "quiet time" after chemo I had lots of time to watch daytime TV, which included cooking shows. I actually learned a lot. I thought I knew how to cook before, but the ribs and corn today were the best I ever made. It is amazing how much there is still have to learn. A.nd now I have some time to do it. I will try to use my time wisely and enjoy some things I took for granted or did not pay attention to in my life. Enjoy the little things along the way and listen to the wisdom out there. You can teach an old dog new tricks when the old dog will admit it does not know everything and wants to learn. Susan

Judy: I like your idea. I will play if you get it started. I am feeling a bit brain dead and will need some of your positive creative inspiration to get me kick started! Susan

Sorry to stop midsentence. I type most of my posts with my phone and sometimes it gets "hung up", no pun intended. I can't go back and edit or continue my post. I try to not make mistakes, but that does not always work out so well, as you can see! Anyhow, I might get one more flower basket at the garden center. I took the long way around on that explanation. Susan

Judy: I am pretty new here, so I am not sure the daily"air" comes from. My best guess would be similar to what you suggestedc that it was a way for folks to "air out" the things going on in their lives not totally related to the more serious topic of cancer! I totally relate to you laying low after your chemo. My thoughts and good wishes are truly wish you. I am truly grateful for the oral treatment I am able to use right now. Minimal side effects. Traditional chemo knocked me off my feet, literally. Take care of yourself, I sure hope you get some positive results! Keep up the rest and take care of yourself. Our bodies are truly amazing in their ability to heal and recover from chemo drugs. It just takes time! You were right about it being too hot for hot tubbing today. I am enjoying the beautiful sunshine in the comfort of my air condirtioned living room. I can look out the sliding glass doors and see nature! I was out earlier, but it is up to 90 degrees. I will go out when the sun gets a little lower in the sky. I may go to the garden center for on.e b[/color]

Diane: I agree with Ginny, a guy thing. My husband would have had the best of intentions, but would have potted them just as your hubby did. I am the creative one. My dad used to say,"Your mom plans the work and I work the plan." There are just some things the average guy sees only one way. Not outside the box. Of course, there are also some very creative guys out there, too. I just don't happen to be married to one whose creative vision matches mine. He has to be given direction and sometimes coaxed if I have my heart set on something being done a certain way. But, I also agree with Ginny that you should learn to love them. It sounds like he went to a lot of effort and work to express his love for you. You can do the same by loving those baskets just the way they are. You can plant them YOUR way next year.

I forgot to tell everyone that I hope they find a way to enjoy the holiday weekend. I totally relate to not wanting to over schedule my time. I have my Kindle with me this weekend and plan to spend some time relaxing with it. Quiet is nice, sometimes, too! My husband is laying tile in a large entryway porch. I told him he was welcome to work over the weekend, if he chooses, but he is not to stress me out by engaging me in helping him. I used to help on many of our remodeling projects. In fact, last Spring we hand unloaded about 400 paver stones for our patio. They weighed about 8lbs each. I did not know why my chest hurt so much as we did it. I did not know I was working with one lung. (The other being collapsed with lung cancer tumor). It was before my diagnosis. I am one tough broad! Have a great weekend, Susan

Well, it started out rainy and cool (63 dgrees), but now the sun is starting too peek out and the temperature is rising. Earlier in the Spring I would have said 63 degrees was a warm day, but we have had mid-80's last week or so. It is funny how your perspective changes as the circumstances around you change. It is all in how you look at it! We have the Senior PGA Tournament going on in Bento Harbor about 11 miles south of my cottage. I am sure they were not pleased with the rain. It is being held at the Harbor Shores Golf Club, a newly developed, Jack Nicholaus designed course nestled along the Lake Michigan shoreline of dunes and woods. It is quite beautiful. It is the first major event being held there. Eric must know a little about golf. Didn't the Scottish people invent golf? Or maybe my historical facts are confused. Anyhow, I don't play, I just enjoy the lovely lanscaping and flowers.

Judy: I guess I should have mentioned that I do use the hot tub, without the "hot" on hot days. Set it about 98 degrees and lounge in it like my own personal pool. A tall glass of iced tea and my Kindle under a large mounted patio umbrella make an ideal spot to relax. If we fill it Saturday am, we might be able to get the phand chlorine right by Monday! If that doesn't work out, there is always the screened porch which is shaded by large, old cherry trees. And I agree with you, I wish the spammers would stay in there own back yard! Have a great weekend and you do whatever you need to do to feel good this weekend! Susan mi

I started my day with a visit to town. As I drove by the garden center, some gorgeous pink geraniums caught my eye. I usually put lots of pots and baskets on my old fashioned front porch. I also, usually do all the pots myself, which takes lots of potting soil and annuals. I was going to skip the expense and effort and leave my porch bare this year. And then I spotted the bright colored, ready to go ivy geraniums in hanging baskets and they were on sale. I bought some for the shepards hooks in front of my porch and side entry way. I got them home and hung them up before I even went into the house! My heart skipped a beat, they are so beautiful. My "normal" moment for the day. I am not quite sure why I thought I needed to withhold the pleasure of fresh, new annuals this year, but so glad I allowed myself this joy. Jim and I are going to the cottage this weekend. He is going to do some work and I will do whatever I want. We hope to get the hot tub going and the patio furniture out. I have an umbrella to cover the hot tub and the table, to keep the sun at bay. It may get up to 90 degrees this weekend in Michigan. I hope you call have great weekends. I told my husband this week that I would be talking about you all as friends and would introduce you to him through the stories and thoughts you all share here. I hope that is okay. Somedays, my contact with my fellow survivors, here on the LUNGevity site is the only contact I have, with anyone all day. (other than my husband at at the beginning and end of the day, of course. I already think of you as friends. Susan

I forgot to answer Janet's question on Zometa infusions. I did receive them during each of 4 rounds of taxol/carboplatin chemo, but not since I finished end of October 2011. Looking back I am not sure how long they thought I would last and I did not tolerate the chemo well. I am only my oncologist's second patient on the Xalkori. His first patient did not get the significant response that I have had. I am sure we will be discussing what happens next after he sees my CT scan scheduled for June 11th. I will see my oncologist the 15th. And hopefully the orthopedic surgeon in the same time frame. They did not call me back today, but I will call again tomorrow. Then back to my oncologist for help scheduling if I can't make an appt on my own. I wondered about more Zometa, too. Hopefully I am in good enough shape to try and get my bones back in shape. I am working on it! Susan

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement! They are so appreciated. I have always been tough on myself, to perform to be strong. Having cancer and asking for help when I need it does not always come naturally or easily for me. A matter of pride, I guess. Cancer is my opportunity for growth in this area. (Even though I may go kicking and screaming through the lesson.) I found my source of strength and motivation today by sharing on this site AND by stopping in to see my friend Judy whose husband died of lung cancer and she is a breast cancer survivor who lost her upper left lung to a metastatic tumor. I have seen her at her work, she works at our tiny local grocery store, but I have not stopped by her home. I am a bit shy about stepping in announced. Most of my friends love it when I do, though. It was great to talk and share with a fellow survivor! We could talk about things not appropriate to share while I check out my groceries. She sent me so many nice cards while I was going through chemo. I had worked with her at the grocery at one time, so we have known each other for about 15 years. We never dreamed we would have cancer in common. Anyhow, we decided we are a couple of tough old broads! And I feel inspired to keep trying to do the best I can every day.

Janet: I have had the same sort of migraine Ginny describes. Mine started way back in junior high.( now that is waaaay back). I have had years without them and then they will reappear. Stress is usually a factor. I take peace in that they are short in duration and not very painful. From what I understand, it has something to do with either the optic or retinal nerve disturbance depending on exactly what your specific symptoms are. Try to relax and let it run its course. I have talked to every doctor I have had over the years and no one has gotten overly concerned. You might want to talk to your doctor to ease your mind. I hope you have a lovely time with your family. Don't fuss too much they will love seeing you no matter how clean the house is. It does not matter as much as we think it does! Just Enjoy! Susan

Judy: Good luck with your final chemo tomorrow. I will be thinking of you! It takes a lot of courage and strength to go in for each round. I wondered each time where I found it in myself to do it. You are strong and this will be your last one! Yay! I loved your picture of the herons nests. We had one on our pond at our cottage a few times and I see them fly out of the woods/swamp across the road from us here at home. I saw one catch a fish once at the base of a dam on a river in Ohio. I have never seen them nesting. Traverse City is such a beautiful spot! If you are up to it, it would be worth the drive. All the gorgeous views along lake Michigan always heal my spirit. I will be further south, between South Haven and St. Joseph. My husband is going to lay ceramic tile and I am going to relax and enjoy the warm weather predicted. I will also go somewhere close by where I can see that big, blue Lake Michigan.

I have been feeling pretty good. Not completely back to my old normal self, but good for my new normal self. My family has been encouraging me to stay busy and offering suggestions. Some of the wonderful folks on this site have also offered me ideas on how they filled their time. I have been feeling a bit unproductive and even bored some days. So, I started looking for something. I found a couple of classes at my local wellness center. One was a light exercise class especially for cancer survivors who are currently in treatment or finished with treatment. The other course was a beginners Yoga class. Each was only once a week, in 7 week sessions for the summer. That would be perfect! Or so I thought. I decided it would be smart to contact my oncologist to make sure such exercise would be safe for me. His reply was a reality check for me. "Since we know you have multiple lesions at risk for pathological fracture, you should probably have a follow up appointment with an orthopedic surgeon to decide what sort of exercise is appropriate for you." I do have stage 4 adenocarcinoma. I have mets to much of my spine, many ribs, hips, and femurs. I have been doing well on Xalkori, but I remember my oncologist telling me even though at my 8 week check up that bone mets were stable, they did not know when and if they would recalcify. It is easy to forget the severity of your condition when you start to feel so much better. I know I have bone thinning, but since I have been feeling pretty good, have felt almost a "pressure to perform", if that makes any sense. Like I can carry my own heavy suitcase, or lift that extra heavy load of laundry. I felt so helpless when I had to ask for help during the period before my diagnosis and during 4 rounds of chemotherapy last summer and fall. I was constantly pushing myself to try and "get better" and do more for myself. It is really tough to admit there are just some things I may not be able to get back. Some things I might always need help with. It makes the CANCER seem very real again. I have not had any tears in awhile, but when I read my doctor's email, I could feel them well up. I guess there has to be an acceptance of my reality and it is okay to feel sad. It just really stinks. Thanks for listening, I needed to unload on people who would know what I am talking about. Sometimes even when family members are well meaning, their words of encouragement seem so unrealistic. When you don't have "multiple lesions at risk of pathological fracture" yourself, it must be easier to see the positive side. I am sorry if I sound bitter right now, but I am. I know I will feel better eventually. And maybe after my orthopedic appt, the news will be better than I think. But, for this moment, I am really feeling the loss of my normal self. I will try to get used to my new cancer self soon. Susan

I think gardening and walking do qualify as exercise. All of ua are individuals and have different levels of energy, ability and interests! It is great that Bud can cycle, something he obviously loves. Sounds like Janet loves the outdoors, and flowers. Taking care of them, walking the garden center and planting all sound like activity to me. I have done some weeding and planting myself. I just have to know my limits. Cleaning out the kitchen cupboards is on my agenda, but I just haven't gotten there yet. One of my sisters is also attending ASCO in Chicago. She works for SARC. Sounds like there is a lot of effort going into the cure for all types of cancer. Two of my sisters work in the cancer research field. And they were still stunned and shocked when I was diagnosed. It isugh on our families, as well as ourselves. Thanks for attending on the behalf of lung cancer, Katie B!

Janet: Thank you for letting me know I am okay where I am right now. I am doing a lot of what you suggest, but somehow, and it know this sounds crazy, I feel guilty for not doing more. I, like you was exhausted at the Summit. My 3 sisters and I drove the 9 hours to DC from Michigan and I walked to Georgetown with them Friday night after we arrived and got to sleep after midnight. Saturday night we took the night tour of DC. It was fabulous, but we got home at 11:30 pm and I am not sure when we actually slept. I so enjoyed myself, but I think I sometimes forget to allow myself a nap, or extra rest that my body needs. I have always pushed so hard and done so much. I forgot how hard my body must be fighting against the cancer. My chemotherapy drug is working every day to keep the malignant cells from growing. It is okay to take care of myself. I live in a small rural town, so to do anything (besides go to the tiny local market in town) is about a 30 minute drive. But, I do go to shop, for excercise (walking around Target is excercise when 6 months ago I could only do it on a motorized cart), pick up groceries etc. I have a couple of good friends, who although they work full time, get out of work in the early afternoon, I have a 4 1/2 year old grandson and I will bring him over for the afternoon to play. When I get tired I take him home. He is so much fun, but very active. Last night I could not get him still enough for a picture, so I could only shoot video. My husband and I have a cottage that we have been working on for about 5 years. Gutted it and remodeled on a budget sort of thing. It is on 10 acres of woods with sand dunes. About a mile in from Lake Michigan. I too love animals and we have had all sorts, including a cougar, which we heard twice, and my husband actually saw walk in front of our pond. We have wild turkeys which do their mating dance outside my bedroom window, deer, red foxes (one year we found a den of kits and saw them several times over the summer before they left the den, awesome!), coyotes and of course all sorts of birds. Bluebirds in the bluebird house, again this year. I planted all sorts of ferns, ornamental grasses, wildflowers and flowering shrubs. Last year I even finally got my red dogwood. We had hoped to someday retire to our cottage. My first visit back to the cottage after treatment was really hard. This place we had put so much into would no longer be a place I could retire. I would never see my dogwood grow larger and my azaleas and rhododendrons fill in the growing room I had allowed for them. Much of my life I spent planning for "when I had time to enjoy my life, later". Now I realize I was enjoying what I was doing, but not fully realizing it. So, much of how we deal with cancer is our attitude about what we do have and not what we don't have. I may not have all the time I had hoped for, but no one really knows what they have. I have always liked taking pictures and may look into a camera that is not super complicated, but will let me play a little more with effects, and lighting. My oldest daughter is a wonderful photographer and does it as part of her job, as well as for fun. She is going to do some research for me and see if we can find a camera I can afford. And them maybe an online course or website that can teach me some of the basics of lighting and composition. I have to admit I have already thought about attending Hope Summit again, next year. I was a bit afraid to plan that far ahead, but I think I would fly instead of drive and just bring my practical, "you need your sleep" husband. I loved having my sisters, but just barely kept up. Maybe there could be a quieter, not so active Saturday night activity for those that need some down time. Just sitting quietly and gabbing, sharing, in a relaxing setting and then to bed early. I appreciate you taking the time to share and I will give myself time to adjust without putting on so much pressure. I have even bragged when I did not feel the need for a nap, even though I probably should have given myself permission to take one! Take care, you are much appreciated! Susan