Hi Susan,
You bring to light a very real and ongoing question for all survivors. As part of the LC 'club', we all know all too well exactly what you speak. So don't feel singled out on this one. It's very real and fortunately or unfortunately (depends on how you view it), will most likely linger for much time to come.
There isn't a day that goes by that LC is not present in my life. I'd be a big fat fibber if I stated otherwise. But I do live with 'it' opposed to the alternative and to date I'm NED.
I recall in the early stages of my cancer, I was sitting at the airport waiting for a flight. I sat there very still observing people walking by going about whatever it was they were engaged in doing; eating, hurrying, drinking, talking, grabbing a newspaper, etc. I remember thinking, they don't have a clue I have lung cancer because I don't have any visible 'signs' that I have lung cancer. And as people continued to scurry by where I was perched, I began to wonder how many of the 'them' had a life threatening disease. After all, mine was invisible, why couldn't there's be. I began to imagine all the people in my life I passed not knowing or being aware of such...surely the number is large.
This experience helped to open up a new way of thinking and to grasp my situation and see the world through a slightly different lens. One that was a bit more fog free. In the days that followed, I decided that i didn't want to live with a cancer that had chosen me as its host. Thus I wanted to take over the power of 'it' and be the one to choose the cancer. This was an extremely freeing experience and one that I've held on to since that time.
As for your adoring family and friends and their concerns and ways of addressing or not, my advice would be to be completely honest and speak your truth. Whatever that may be. If you don't feel up to discussing, don't. If you do, go for it. But leave the cancer shroud in the closet as it will serve no real purpose other than to give power to something you don't want to give power to.
One thing I am certain, there are no guarantees in this life. Your final statement is a powerful one...'I don't want to miss out on what I do have.' So don't. Live every day and be grateful. Yesterday is history, tomorrow a promise, today a gift. As such give those around you the gift of today. Tomorrow is only a promise to 'everyone'. Cancer or no cancer and by sharing your gift with those in your sphere of influence you just may open some doors to living an extraordinary life - and not MISSING it!
Randy
Stage III NSCLC - 2008