Nushka Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that]! Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really]? Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far]! Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly]! Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy]! Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]! Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial]! War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think]? Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thunk it]! Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something]! Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]? Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge]! New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough]? Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that sign right? In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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