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Why that is the question that we all ask. We ask it when we are faced with a personal tragady and we ask it when we see a major tragady that affects thousands. We all want to know how could God allow this to happen and what could possibly be the purpose.

I have asked that question so many times in the past 3 years and as the date of September 20th arrives those questions start anew. The heartbreak of Hurricane Katrina made me think about it even more. Monday September 20th will be the third anniversary of the day that I will always see as the beginning of the end of my beautiful life with Johnny. That made me question and seek answers more than ever.

Do I have answers? Probably not but I have some thoughts that I think may explain part of it. At least as much as any other could. So I guess I will share them with all of you. We have had so much sadness here lately. We have lost so many that we have grown to love. It is so hard to answer the question why and to see a purpose for such terrible heartache that so many face.

I believe that when God made this Earth he set in motion the things that would keep it constantly growing or changing. Mankind chose to live in some of the most vulnerable places. Once set in motion this planet does what it is meant to do. Could God stop it if he wanted too? Yes but he has a purpose for allowing bad things to happen instead of stopping them. We will probably never know His purpose but maybe that in itself has a purpose. Maybe we are supposed to just trust in His purpose without knowing why. Isn't that what Faith really is?

Then I think what other purpose for so much loss personal or national. Somehow I feel that we are being led to rediscover our humanity. We have grown so spoiled and so sure of ourselves. We have gotten used to accumulating so many things and somehow in the process we tend to forget that true humanity requires humanity to all of mankind. We also forget that there is a higher power and sometimes need to be reminded.

Most humans believe in a higher power. They may not all be Christians nor do they all believe in God as we do. Still tho they may call him different names or credit him with different attributes most believe. Even in the most primative areas on Earth faith in that higher being is always a part of their life and their community. Yet we who think of ourselves as the most powerful country on Earth are pushing God out of so many parts of our lives and communites. In many cases men are making decisions that only God should make. We have let the rights of the few become so important that we allow the rights of the many to be taken away to satisfy them.

If we believe that God created us all then there are some other things that I just can't understand why people don't believe. I believe that God made each and every person to be exactly like we are. He loves us all equally. He made different nationalities and different skin color and different sexual preferances. Each person is exactly as God intended them to be. He makes no mistakes. It is we humans who see differences as being something bad not God. It is true that he gave us freedom of choice and that allows us to do things that He may not approve of.

Our freedom of choice is what causes many of the problems we have. Still how could it be any other way? What glory would there be for mankind or God if He had programed us all to be perfect without freedom of choice? We would be just a bunch of puppets with no real reason for existing.

When we lose someone we love we go through many emotions. There is sadness, disbelief and dispair and often there is anger. We want to shout at someone. We want someone to make things right and give us back what we have lost. I ran though all of those emotions. I was just so angry. I questioned God and my Faith. Then I learned something. He has big shoulders. He can take it.

In that too maybe there is a purpose. Our heartache and dispair makes us more aware of the pain of others. We become more compasionate and more understanding. Those are good things but what about the anger and sense of injustice how do those benifit mankind? It is very simple really. It is the anger and sense of injustice that make us act. They are what get us going and make us determined to change what is wrong with so many things. Maybe somehow it is for that purpose that we must suffer so we will act. So we will be determined to make things better.

I have to believe these things. I can not believe that God is cruel or that He would do anything to cause us pain for no reason. After all he gave us a way to save ourselves through Christ. Why would he harm us? As parents we will do all we can for our children. Most parents will love their children no matter how bad they are. Can we expect the One who created us to be exactly what we are to do any less?

Boy I don't know where all of these thoughts come from. I just know that once they get in my head I can't think of much else until I share them. I surely hope that I have not offended anyone. I just want to try to find away to understand why we need to be here. Why we have had to suffer so much loss and endure so much pain.

I want to add one last thing before I end this. As of today my hours will be shorter. I will be home each night by 4:30 every night but Monday. I am sure looking forward to that. I hope now I can be of more support here and maybe once in a while I will be able to catch some of you on chat. God bless you all. May the next weeks find plenty of good news here and in the world. Lillian

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