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Talking Parrot

Frank Lamb

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A man lives with his parents his whole life. He doesn't drink, smoke, or do anything of that nature. Most importantly, though, he doesn't swear.

After both of his parents have died, when he's in his late fifties, he becomes lonely. He decides to go to the pet store, and buy a friend to talk to. He asks for the most talkative parrot that they have. They bring him a small, fluffy blue parrot, and he takes it home.

Excitedly, he says, "hello, new friend, what would you like me to call you". The parrot doesn't reply. The man, thinking that the parrot must be unable to hear him, repeats the sentence a bit louder. The parrot replies with "I heard you the first time, A**hole".

Appalled, the man solemnly says "we don't use that kind of language in this house". Upon hearing this, the parrot starts screaming every profanity he's ever heard, even in other languages. The man gets terribly upset, and chases the parrot into a closet. Twenty minutes later, he's still swearing like a sailor.

So, he puts the parrot into a kitchen cabinet, and it does no good. Finally, he decides that a few minutes in the freezer will scare the parrot into stopping. He puts the parrot into the freezer, and after about a minute, the swearing comes to a stop.

Scared that he must've killed the parrot, he throws the freezer door open. The parrot hops out, and immediately cuddles up against the man, and says "I've learned my lesson, I'm sorry".

The man says "what caused you to stop using such horrible language?". The parrot shakes a little bit, and says "I saw what you did to the chicken".

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