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Thanks everyone for your encouragement


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I posted below about post thoracic pain. My primary care doc had put me on Wellbutrin for depression about a 2 weeks ago. It did not agree with me at all. I was filled with anxiety (scared to be alone, panicked that the cancer returned) a week into it I developed terrible insominia, sweating, vomiting, I lost 8 lbs etc. (same things I had when cancer was first found) All that plus focused on the terrible pain over my left breast. Finally saw my doctor on tuesday evening. She said the side effects were from my wellbutrin not a cancer reoccurance. So she took me off the medicine. I asked her once again to feel the spot above my breast on my rib that hurt so much. I also brought along my 4 month old x-rays that showed my broken ribs. The doctor who ordered the x-rays before my ob-gyn surgery in March told me the ribs were broken in the back but when my doc looked at them the other night she said they were broken in the FRONT! one of the ribs had a portion removed that was from my pneumonectomy the one just above it was broken at an angle and pushing up into everything and irrating things. She said it appears as though my heart had dropped a little and it was right over the break too. It's really close to the surface now and I can always feel it beating. Anyone else have this happen? I still don't know why my rib hurts so much now.... it's been broken for several months. Why now? Just because I've been moving and working so much? Do you ever stop being so afraid? I mean I have a great diagnosis... A mucoepidermoid tumor-- Even my primary care doctor told me to relax the other night... she reminded me that Dr. Goldberg (my surgeon at Fox Chase) assured all of us that it will never come back. So why can't I let go and enjoy?

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Tami, I understand exactly what your going through. This disease is not just physical but it disrupts us mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well. Cancer is horrible and there is no question about that. I keep going by trying not to dwell on it. Sometimes it works and other times I just get busy and it passes. If I think about it all the time I can imagine all sorts of things going on in my body that are not really there. I don't think it ever passes completly and I talked to my Oncologist last month and shared my feeling with her and she said once you have it you never can totally forget about it. Maybe time is the answer. As time goes by with clean scans, I think I will be more confident and able to live more normallly again.

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Tami -

Well, I was glad to see they found a reason for your pain - although I hate to see you IN pain. Sorry the welbutrin didn't work, but maybe something else will. I am on Remeron - seems to work for me. I know what you mean about still worrying - I think that goes with the territory! I still worry even though the doctors said I had a very low chance of reoccurance, too. I worry about pain or numbness. I worry that they didn't catch it early before, how will they if it returns, etc. I think day by day and year by year maybe the amount of time we worry will decrease. I even feel guilty for worrying - I've been so fortunate so far - how DARE I worry. Geeze. You've been through so much - how can you NOT worry - we're HUMAN, you know! Keep in touch on the board - we can all worry together - or maybe laugh about worrying! God bless -


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