Nothing is simple

[lilyjohn]

When I say nothing is ever simple I mean it. This has been quite a couple of weeks. Just so much going on.

First of all I will say that if things keep going like they are at work I will be caught up and able to slow down soon. I am commited to 2 months of extra overnights but I will handle them a lot better when I know that they are not something that I have to keep doing to survive.

I do have some problems that I need to get off of my chest. First of all is my health. I have a very bad case of TMJ. I've had it for years and got used to the ringing in my ears but on occasion when it really flares up I get bad headaches in the back of my head. Now this is why I say nothing is simple. I also have arthritis in my neck. Add the stress of my job and driving in the rain just about everyday and I get some pretty vicious headaches. That is not to mention that when my sinuses bother me it is the ones in the back of my head that give me fits. I did find that raisning my seat helps me while I am here on the computer.

Another problem is my dog. I have to be gone overnight often right now. My niece and her friend are pretty good about coming to walk her and see that she has food that is they have been lately things are not going all that smoothly. I left her with them for a while but she came back home chewing herself raw. It took me 2 weeks to get her settled back down from the chewing and scratching. It seems she is alergic to cats and my niece has too many to count. She has also started eating all of her food as soon as it is put in her dish, something she never did before. I think the cats were eating all of her food when she was there.

Well sense then when I have been gone they agreed to come here to feed her and walk her. I came home 2 weeks in a row to find her dish empty and my bathroom full of pee. I strongly suspect that they are not coming as often as they say they are. I really can't say anything because what ever they do is a favor and I have to have them do it. What really bothers me is that they tell me that they are coming. If they are not or can't I wish they would have said so before I made a commitment. I just don't like for anyone to lie to me.

I left Monday morning and called that night to remind them to check on her. Then I called again last night(they forget if I don't remind them). When I called last night he said that he was just getting ready to leave. Then when I got home today I found her gone. They took her back to their house. I hate to think of the itch she is going to have but what bothers me is that I'm sure they had taken her before last night knowing that I would be home today there was no reason to take her last night. Again I feel like I am being lied to. Then what choice do I have? I have to have someone care for her when I am gone and there is no one else. This next 2 months is something that I really need so I can be more at ease financially by the time I get my first SS check and have to cut my hours back. Any advice from anyone?

Now comes the hardest thing for me. As I said nothing is simple. I have talked about the lady I care for who is so special to me. There are more and more problems where she is concerned and I have mixed feelings about what should be done with her. She has always been so good with me that is until one day last week. She took a nap and woke up angry. She wouldn't let me close to her and told me to leave her alone. She went to the recreation room of the complex where she lives. I saw her there then went back to her apartment to call her son. When I got back she was gone. It took me nearly half an hour to find her and I only found her then because she went back to the recreation room. I had alerted both her son and my boss so had to call and let them know all was alright. Still she was in a hostile mood when I had to leave.

The next day she was her old self again. She kept telling me that she loves me and doesn't know what she would do without me. She didn't remember the day before.

The real problem came when I learned from her neighbors that she is out roaming at night in her gown. Not only is it very cold and damp but that is so dangerous. I keep wondering what would happen if she took off like that at night and no one knew. There are so many dangers. The road is a busy one and the Freeway is only about a quarter of a mile away. Then too there is always someone who would even take advantage of someone in her condition. I have finally decided to join her nurse in urging her son to find a nursing home for her. That is not easy for me to do. I know her and I know that she will not do well in a place where there is a set time schedule and too many people doing for her. I am still the only one she will let help her shower. So I am really torn. I'm afraid a nursing home routine will kill her sooner than later. On the other hand if she gets hurt out wandering at night how could I live with myself if I don't make that suggestion?

As it stands now her son is looking into a place for her. The nurse has tried to make him see how urgent it is but I swear he has blinders on sometimes. One way or another he has to choose what I hope will be the lesser of two evils.

So as I said nothing is simple. I can't help but wonder if it is me and the way I see things too personally or if life really is that complicated. Or is this just another part of the emotional rollercoaster I can't seem to get off of?

[Snowflake]

Lillian,

My advice: Find a kennel to house Misty when you aren't going to be home. When I lived in Alaska, my Daisy enjoyed the kennel I took her to - and the lady running it loved my Daisy. I believe it was $7/day for an indoor/outdoor run. She was fed, played with (doggie day care) and safe. Check into boarding kennels for those nights you can't be home.

Sinus headaches - use a nasal spray to dry 'em up. I was surprised by how much better the FloNase worked than allergy pills for my sinus issues. Read up on neck exercises to help relieve stress, like rolling your head around your shoulders in a large circle...

Wondering lady - she needs to be in a home. My grandmother was cared for at home for as long as possible after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. When she started wandering, an alarm was put on her door that rang the phone at my parents' house (next door) - she destroyed it. Overnight care was then brought in...worked for a while. Then, my grandmother got violent and we could no longer care for her in the manner she needed. The first person she hit was my sister-in-law, square in the stomach midway through a pregnancy. Amazingly strong for an "old lady"... Of course, the next day was just another day and nothing was remembered...

Take time for yourself when you can, walk Misty and just relax. Focus on relaxing and breathing deeply.

Hang in there, just a few more months...

Becky

[eppie]

Becky is so right about the kennel and sinuses and the wandering lady.

About the TMJ....I think I have that too. I have been goin gto the chiaropractor but now ai am thinking about getting a mouth guard....I tend to grind my teeth at night. The headaches are so bad....I konw exactly what you are talking about. today I alteranted cold and heat.....ice pack to head followed up with wet hand towel hot from the microwave (2 min). This seemed to help. I can only take tylenol for the pain....no advils or motrin. It also helps that i take an atihistamine---zyrtec everyday.

Lily,

you are the most caring and loving person I know. I wish i could walk your pup for you. My 8 y.o. would love to lavish love on a sweet doggie. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

Lotsa love,

Eppie

[lilyjohn]

Thank you Becky and Eppie for both your advice and your kind words. I really do appreciate your responses.

I have thought about a kennel for Misty but can't seem to make it work. When I work overnight it is a 24 hour shift and I have to be there before those places open. When I finish the 24 hours I often go on to work a full day. By the time I would stop and pick her up I would be on the road after dark and I just can't drive up that dark road. My eyes are not good enough.

For the time being I will have to trust them with a little back up. I have a neighbor who will walk her if they don't show but right now she is sick. She is a type 1 diabetic and often has problems. Her problem now is pheumonia. Hopefully she will be over it soon. She could use a few extra dollars and I could use the peace of mind knowing that if they don't come Misty won't be forgotten.

Eppie I used one of those mouth gards when I was first diagnosed. I had a plastic piece that I had to wear night and day for 6 months. They also pulled my bad teeth and fitted me with new dentures. Those were made to correct my bite. They have helped a lot but when I get tense and grind my teeth it throws my jaw out of place and the headaches start. I try not to do that but it happens without my realizing I'm doing it. Today I worked at not grinding them and that did help.

I use saline spray and it really has helped my sinuses but it doew not relieve the headache part. I took some sinus medicine this morning and I think that helped me too. As for the exercises I learned a few and try them sometime but I have to be very carefull. When I turn my head you can hear it pop and crack! I think if I can ease some of the stress it will go a long way toward easing the pain.

As for my lady I know a home is best for her at this stage. I wish there were another alternative but there really isn't. I was wondering how I would cut my hours in March. I don't want to give up any of my clients but I guess that will be solved for me. I just hope it works out for her. She really is a dear person. I hate how that disease takes a persons life before it ends it.

This morning we had more than just a little frost on the pumpkin. Luckily I leave for work earlier than I would have to. I like to give myself extra time and boy did I need it this morning. I couldn't get in my car! The doors were frozen shut. I had to pour warm water on the door and then hook up my blow dryer. Finally I got the door to open using my key. The remote on my key chain wouldn't work. Once in the car it took nearly ten meniutes for the windows to deice. It was so hard that I couldn't even scrape it. I still got to work on time but it was close.

Anyway thanks again. Lillian