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I feel so lost and empty.


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I put my mom to rest today. I did see her and she didn't look like her at all. It was like someone also was in there. This is the most difficult think I have done.

I feel so lonely even if I have kids and my husband. My mom was in my everyday life and I can believed I can't call 5 times a day anymore. I know time will heal but right now I feel like I can't go on without her. I told her before she died that I would have taken her illness away from her if I could. She told us that we had nothing to regret because she knew with done eveything we could for her. It was a beautiful service just like her. She was so beautiful and looked young until the end maybe that is why she didn't lokk like herself death took that away from her. This is something a friend of ours wrote for her I think is beautiful:

As I watched Anna breathe, and try to breathe, and as we all felt frustrated that we couldn’t help her breathe more easily, and as I watched Anna take some of her last breaths, I found a paradox in those breaths, one that I know Anna would have appreciated—it says—

“Life shouldn’t be measured by the amount of breaths we take but on the moments that take our breath away.”

Anna’s breath was taken away, not by illness and death, but by the love in the faces of her children, her precious grandchildren, and the children she cared for over the years. The simplicity and the complications of everyday life took Anna’s breath away. It was her passion for cooking and making us feel welcomed that took her breath away. It was her persistence in that cup of espresso and in those half true superstitions that took her breath away. It was her strong faith in God that took her breath away.

But mostly, Anna took our breath away-by her natural beauty-inside and out-that same passion and persistence, her ability to make us laugh, and mostly by her simple elegance, again inside and out. So, with this, I hope we will remember less of the difficult moments of Anna’s life, and especially the last few months, as difficult as they were for Anna, her family, and her friends, and more of those special moments when Anna took our breath away.

Thank you all for the support


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Isn't it strange how you can feel so empty and yet feel so much pain at the same time? I know that you are very raw right now and can't see a time when it will get better. You just have to trust that God will give you what you need to get through each day and each week until you can find a little peace.

The trubute written by your mom's friend is wonderfull. Sometimes life gets in the way of those beautifull memories until we lose someone. Hold on to them for they are what she was all about, the reason she was loaned to Earth for a while. May God Bless you and help you find the moments of joy that will come eventually from all of those special memories.

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