Martha02

thank you so much for the support. I can't believe it's already been a week since the day. My other golden is going crazy without her, she actually was his mom. He is still depressed. Take care! thank you again! Martha

Hi Everyone, Cancer strikes again, I just put my dog to sleep Saturday, she had a bleeding tumor. I had not idea, she never showed any signs, she was fine until Friday. And on top of everything I was feeling at little depressed because my moms two year anniversary is coming up and with the holidays coming up you know...... I know this is nothing comparing to the lost of a dear one, but it stills hurts I had her for 13 years she was my first baby, I have that sick feeling in my stomac. I am still in shock it happened so fast. i know this is a difficult time for all of us. I hope that our dear ones with give us the strength to get through the holidays. I am doing better but there isn't one moment that I don't think about my mom and i wish she was here right know. take care! martha

I am so sorry for your lost. I know it's so hard to even think that they are really gone. Hang in there! Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. I know what you mean about having another day of consciousness to say so many things that are left unsaid. But I think they know anyway. Again, I am sorry Martha

Congratulation that's great news. Like I told you before your little one will fill your life with joy again. Of course you are going to miss your mom. Everyday I look at my children and wish to see my mom smiling with me on all the funny things they do. And I am sure that your mom is really excided for you. Take care! Martha

Hi Nick, You know who I am angry at, is myself for giving her permission to go, to go towards the light. Now I regret saying that. I should have said to fight like a lion to stay with us. I hope you are feeling better. Reading your other post it's funny that your coworker thought that. It is amazing to me how easy people forget that we are still in pain. take care! martha

Hi Rochelle, This is my second mother's day without my mom. I still cried on my way to the cemetery it still hurts, but a sense of acceptance is approaching. I am just starting to remember the good things an erase the two horrible last months. Time does heal. Take care of yourself! Martha

Randy, I am so sorry. I lost my dog before I lost my mom so I know....... Take care! Martha

Hi Nick, I really feel your pain. I don't have my mom anymore to turn to when I need advice about the kids but you do find the way to go on I promise, so don't be scare to have them, like I told you before kids fill your life with joy, if wasn't for them I might have had a harder time to go on. I agree with you with the 3 questions too, we need to believe that's all we got. I was sooo close to my mom and I still can't believe that she is gone but the pain gets easier to digest with time. take care of yourself! Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. My prayers are with you and your family. The only thing I have to say is that "I hate lung cancer" for taking our love ones away. take care of yourself! Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. I know it's REALLY hard. We do feel lost when our parents go. Because they are always there for us. Hang in there! martha

I wonder the same thing. I wish that we never pushed my mom to enter a new study. I think that it was the thing that made her cancer grow faster instead of stopping it. She hated taking all those pills. It made her so weak she wasn't eating anymore. But on the other hand if we didn't push her I am sure right now I would be here telling you I should of push for it. But you do still wonder I think is normal. Don't beat yourself over it. It will drive you crazy. Hang in there! martha

Michelle, I feel your pain. I was very close to my mom too, and she was always here and she adored my kids. I look at my daughter that now she is 2.5 years and she is so funny and I wish my mom was here to see that. It's so hard and is so amazing that we don't realize how much we relay on our mom until they are gone. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with my kids too. And before when my mom was here I could just go and get a brake, now it's gone. I still sometimes when something happens I find myself thinking: ”I have to tell mom” and a second later back to reality. I feel so sad for our kids that have to go through this pain too someday. Big Hug! Martha

so much. I have been trying to sell my house since a month after my mom died. It's been on the market for almost a year. Why am I obsessing so much on a material thing? I should be upset only about my mother’s death. But I am also really upset about the house situation. Sometimes I think this is excuse for me to concentrate my energy in something also and sometimes I feel guilty about this. We jut had a bad 2 years first my dog died, than my mother in law died, than my mom died. I feel I am at the braking point. Sorry to even bother you guys about this. I just needed to let it out. Martha

I am soooo sorry about your dad. I know it's so hard to understand why....this horrible disease takes so many lives. martha

I am so sorry about your dad. my prayers are with you and your family during this time of grief. Martha

Don, I agree with you. If been miserable would bring them back and let's do it, but unfortunally it doesn't. I think our love one want to see us moving on and be happy. They will always be in our hearts and memories. I know that my grief is better I don't cry everyday anymore, but the loss and the void is still very much there. Sometimes I wonder if the lost of a parent, a child, or a spouse, brother, sister, ect.. is different in the grieving process. I know that if I lost one of my kids, I don't know if I could go on, we are not meant to bury our children. Don’t get me wrong I miss and love my mom so much. And if I lost my husband, I don't know how I would feel, could I go on or not..... I don't know. I can only tell you about the lost of a mom...... Martha

Mindy, I am so sorry for your lost. I know how you feel. I was reading what happened and it's so similar to what happened to my mom. I can tell you after a year the pain is still there but at least is more berable. Hang in there! martha

Sorry Randy, I know how much you miss her! Take care martha

Lisa, I am so sorry; I know how hard this is. As we all read your story I am sure we all share similarities. It's been a years for me and sometimes I am still wondering.... how the end happened so fast. Me and my mom (when she wasn't at my house) would talk 5 times or more at day. After a year I still find myself picking up the phone to call her. It does get easier the pain gets a little bit more bearable. Take care! Martha

Kim, After a year sometimes I am still struggling with the decision on upping the morphine, sometimes I feel so responsible for her departure. Beth is right when she said ” but our goal was comfort above all else". and you can't think about it otherwise you will go nuts. But time does heal. At list now I can think about my mom without my breath been taken away. Take care! Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. I know it's not easy but time does help the wound in your heart to heal. Of course you will always miss her until the day you see her again. I had a dream about my mom too the day after she died. Thanking us for been there for her. So I do believe that they communicate with us in our dreams. My prayers are with you! Martha

Sarah, I have regrets everyday, like Randy said: The Coulda , shoulda, wouldas will always be there. I feel your pain. If we could only go back in time........ Take care martha

Randy thank you so much for remembering all our love ones. It's amazing how many lives lung cancer takes. I do pray that someday they will find a cure. Martha

It was my mom's funeral. I am re-living that moment like it was yesterday. It was the last time I saw her. She didn't look like her at all. It's amazing how the soul gives you life it makes you beautiful from within out like my mom was. Tomorrow we will have a memory mass for her. My dad was so cute it put it in the paper with her picture. It so hard to see her just in black and white in a newspaper. Sorry I really hurt right now; this anniversary is a killer, the wound just start bleeding again. I just miss her so much. And on top of everything today I turned her room into a playroom for my kids. I took the bed everything out; my son said, "Were is my nonna going to sleep now". Everything is so final. I know she lives in my heart now. Thank you for listening. You are my rock of support. I only talk to you guys about this stuff. Martha