Nick C

Why do we play back in our heads the end days of our loved ones? Why does it seem like we don't nearly play back the good times in our heads as much? I think the reason why I tend to replay those last days is because I now have the benefit of hindsight. I did not at that time when I was trying to take in SO MUCH. In a way I feel like I am still trying to work through it all. Because I never worked all the way through it then.

I pull out a picture of my mom. Maybe make a dish I really liked that she used to make. I always bring flowers...it's kind of a do what feels right on the day. The last few years I've had meetings/business trips, so I haven't been left a ton of options.

Ronnie, It doesn't seem possible that it has been 3 years. Yes the edges are a little rough...but still... And yes life has taken many twists and turns and they might not come by here as much...but glad you did.

I know how you feel. Its so early and you can't imagine things ever coming back together. I felt the same way..things were "shattered" for me. But I assure you. Things will come back together. Life will be good again and memories will be happy and bring smiles. But it takes time, and that is completely specific to you. Its early. Give yourself the time to feel whatever you need to. We'll be around.

I can't help you as far as prognosis and type and timing...but over the years I've been surprised at how many folks were given a time by their doctor only to find them blast past it and just keep "hangin around" and feeling good. Have hope...you might just be here to hang with us for a while . That said, I'm sure we understand the anxiety and I get how it can be terrifying...but have hope.

They are simply in a changed form now. I love that!

10 years...I'm sure it feels so long ago, yet at the same time, like yesterday...can totally relate...love transcends time and the bounds of this life. Its comforting...but still tough

In a way, Katie, you can't. There is a finite amount of focus available. Said differently, if 10 hours a year are spent on major media outlets highlighting lung cancer...or if individuals are really only going to consume 15 minutes of information a year, one way to increase disease focussed talk (versus beghavior focussed talk) would be to increase the total allocation (the 10 hours or the 15 minutes). But let's be honest. That's not happening...that's well beyond our control (or is not easily influenced). So we need to use the 10 hours or the 15 minutes in the most wise way we know how. For me...discussin prevention is ridiculous. You all get it. Smoking bad. We learn it in school now. Posters all over the hall ways of my elementary school. And that's fine. But it's taken care of already...why do more on that front? I think controlling the narrative is important. And it's too focussed on prevention. We need to shift it to the disease...so I would take a pass.

I can't believe its been that long. I don't think any of us TRULY got to part on 100% our terms, say everythng and every goodbye we wanted to, and had every moment we needed. And that is truly hard to be reminded of...especially on anniversries. It is good to hear from you and hope you continue to receive the strength and support from those around you.

OH!!!! Dates sometimes escape our vision. That is a good thing.

So shocked, I thought he was doing so well!

Something occured to me from another thread. Some of you know that I am a church guy. Not a "bible thumper" but if I were called one, I'd say thank you. Now before you freak out that this is an evolution vs creationism post, it isn't. It occurednto me churches evolve. People come and go. Some faces stay constant but they change as people. And so all of those things make churches (not the building, but the people) change. This place is the same. And None of It is a bad thing. I remember times here where it's so scientific and type of lung cancer driven...I remember times where its all about good news and tests and optimism. I remember times where it is loss on top of loss and it's actually hardnto turn on the computer. I remember times where there is some of all of it. I remember when there are times where there is basically just calm. And sometimes all those changes are reflective of the entire lcsc. Sometimes a thread...and sometimes that's reflected me. 5 and a half years later, I've evolved too. I'm not as grief stricken. I'm so focussed on my kids and loving them enough to make up for the love they didn't get to experience from my mom. My responsibilities in other areas have grown. It's all ok. It's evolution. And everything this place has been, is and will be is all good. And there is truly no place like it!

I'll be brief. I can't tell folks irl when I miss my mom, but I can here. I can smile when someone says something stupid and insensitive, because I know you've all heard it too. I know I can get it for other people who in there real lives are surrounded by people who don't. I will also always remember the blessing I was given by this place in my darkest hour.

I wonder sometimes if people think that they are being helpful...I mean could they possibly think so? Unreal

Anniversaries are hard. I'm sure she is still so missed.