Martha02

Holly, I know how you feel. I was thinking the same thing to many deaths Everyday is a struggle without our moms I know. I ask myself WHY!!!!! One day i don't believe it, one day I am crying all day, ect. My prayer is that God will help doctors to find a cure for this horrible disease. And help all of us to make our pain better everyday and protect all of the ones that left with this illness. I don't know what also to say the pain is just so overwhelming. Take care of yourself ! Martha

I feel your pain I am going through the same thing. Everybody tells you that they are in a better place, not suffering anymore> we know that but it does make our pain of missing them go away. We want them here with us. But one thing I am sure they will watch over us and a lot of people told me that when they ready they will give you sign that they are watching over you. Their memories will live in our hearts for ever. Take care of yourself. Martha

This saturday we went to my mom's apartment and moved all her stuff. This was really painful for me. Everything I had put away made me cry. Now i cry almost everyday. I have being crying for two weeks. i can believe that my tears haven't dry out yet. I do want to believe in life after death, that they are near us but it doesn't make it any easier. It's this ever going to get better? I had a dream about her she was in bed she was resting and she said that she wanted to thank me and and my sister and brother to have helped her cross over. She knew how hard it was for us to tell her that was ok to go. The hardest thing is my son always asking about her he is 4 how do I tell him is precious grandmother is gone. All this is so hard I know we are all in the same boat but I never thought that this would be so painful. I miss her so much. It's only being 2 weeks but it feels like an eternity to me. take care you all and I hope our love one will give us the strenght to get through this. Martha

It's being a week and few days for me and losing your mom it's awful because we lean so much on them. I fell the same way about my mom she was 70 and she was robbed a lot of years too. I can believe you lost you husband too I can even imagine your pain. I haven't being long on this board so I don't know everybody. You must be strong especially in the next few days that is when you need most of your strenght. I have not words that can make your pain better, it's nothing that we can say to make us fell better. The only thing we can said it what you said "I HATE CANCER". The ugly desease that takes our love ones away before their time. Please if you need to talk my email address is sasha_coscia@yahoo.com. Big Hug Martha

It's amazing how our bodies go in autopilot for the wake and the funeral. You don't thing you can do it but you will. Plus our love one give us the strenght to survive those horrible 2 days. I am still in autopilot after a week. Keep strong I know it's not easy to do. I will pray for you! I am soooo sorry. I hate this desease. Martha

My prayers are with you unfortunally I know how hard this is. I am still in shock that my mom is gone. We know that someday is going to happen but we can never prepare ourself for that moment when they live us. My heart is with you! Martha

My prayers are with you unfortunally I know how hard this is. I am still in shock that my mom is gone. We know that someday is going to happen but we can never prepare ourself for that moment when they live us. My heart is with you! Martha

I remember when they told us the same thing. I broke down, I never heard her oncologist say the hospice word before and that was a shock and a cold shower. I cried and you know our moms they try to be strong for us they sure can remain calm. So your reaction was totally normal. Hang in there miracle do happen. Martha

My wound it still fresh is only being a week. I miss my mom I can't even believe that she is gone. I don't know how I am going to feel in 6 months but one thing I know is that we will never get over it .we just learn how to live with it. I think a bond between children and a mother is never broken not even by death. When I saw my mom in the casket made me realized that our soul is so powerful my mom was beautiful but it was really her essence and soul that was giving her that beautiful spark. I am a believer that our moms will be with us forever. So grieve, cry it takes time not put a limit on it. Take her! Martha

I put my mom to rest today. I did see her and she didn't look like her at all. It was like someone also was in there. This is the most difficult think I have done. I feel so lonely even if I have kids and my husband. My mom was in my everyday life and I can believed I can't call 5 times a day anymore. I know time will heal but right now I feel like I can't go on without her. I told her before she died that I would have taken her illness away from her if I could. She told us that we had nothing to regret because she knew with done eveything we could for her. It was a beautiful service just like her. She was so beautiful and looked young until the end maybe that is why she didn't lokk like herself death took that away from her. This is something a friend of ours wrote for her I think is beautiful: As I watched Anna breathe, and try to breathe, and as we all felt frustrated that we couldn’t help her breathe more easily, and as I watched Anna take some of her last breaths, I found a paradox in those breaths, one that I know Anna would have appreciated—it says— “Life shouldn’t be measured by the amount of breaths we take but on the moments that take our breath away.” Anna’s breath was taken away, not by illness and death, but by the love in the faces of her children, her precious grandchildren, and the children she cared for over the years. The simplicity and the complications of everyday life took Anna’s breath away. It was her passion for cooking and making us feel welcomed that took her breath away. It was her persistence in that cup of espresso and in those half true superstitions that took her breath away. It was her strong faith in God that took her breath away. But mostly, Anna took our breath away-by her natural beauty-inside and out-that same passion and persistence, her ability to make us laugh, and mostly by her simple elegance, again inside and out. So, with this, I hope we will remember less of the difficult moments of Anna’s life, and especially the last few months, as difficult as they were for Anna, her family, and her friends, and more of those special moments when Anna took our breath away. Thank you all for the support Martha

Tomorrow night is my mom's wake. We have decided to keep the casket closed for the public but at the funeral home they said that if we want, they would let us see her. I don't know what to do. I am so devasteted. I don't know if seeying her again is going to make things even worst for me. i really don't know what to do. Any advice?????????I am so scared that I wont be able to deal with the next few days? Thank you Martha

The wake is wesnsday the funeral is thursday. I do not if i can do this. I am hurting so much that I can't function. I feel sick to my stomac. I can beleive that my dear mom is gone. I keep reliving her last momemt and her last breath of air. That's all I can think about. And it hurts. Thanks martha

I am in pieces right now we were there when she died 8:30 last night. AT first I run out but than I came back she was calling me back i felt it. I was there when she took the last breath. I couldn't breath any more I asked her to help me now to go throught this and Then I fell a beautiful sense of peace. Even at the end she was fighting it but we told her that was ok to go. I will never forget that moment that we share with her an my brother and sister. I still can believe that she is gone......... Thank you all! Martha

the morphine because she doesn't wake up anymore. I want my mom back. She is fighting so much to stay alive. hopsice said she will propably go today. I never imagine being in so much pain. I guess the nurse said that she woke up yesterday and got out of bed, where did she find that energy is the morphine that is killing her are we speending this up or is the lungs. Her breading is 42 when the mophine starts wearing off. And she tries to talk. But she can't . Idon't find that she looks peaceful. Help I don't knpw what to do. Today her oxygen level went down to 60 and the heart is beatimg 124. Marta

I just come home from a long day it's 2:00am I have being there since 10am. She is not to responsive but I also think they are giving her to much morphine. She has a fewer. I can believe this is actually happening. They were giving her .4 of morphine now they are up 10 or 20 ml every hour.It's this to much is the morphine killing her? I keep trying to wake her up and she can't. My husband is actually being good about this. Maybe now that I really need him he will be there for me. how can i prepare myself for this? I feel so broken and weak. I know she doesn't want tol ive us. but her body is giving up. Why do doctors treat terminal people like they should not receive the care that they deserve? I will try to keep you posted. Martha

I will tell you about myself. I have being married almost 12 years. I have 2 children one is 4 years and one 19 months. I stay home with them. I used to work before my mom got sick she was my god send since she watch my children. She has being fine until 2 months ago it went down hill rapidaly. Right now she is in a rehab facility. Hospice said that we can't take her home for now because she requires 24/7 care. I have 1 brother and one sister we all are there for her. It's at little bit more difficult for me because i have to rely on someone to watch my kids. I have taken them there together is to crazy, now I take one at a time. My mom loves my children they are her life. My brother is having a baby. I pray to god that my mom can see her. I have talked to the doctors and they thing that is being to optimistic. She had a tough life that is why I don't get why she is going through this. Not that anybody deserves this horrible illness. Regarding my husband he is at little controlling I guess he never was to happy to share me with my ITALIAN close family. We are really closed we talked a lot. So maybe there are some problems there. I guess like Peggy said ther e are to side to a story. I don't want to get to complicated and bored you with all this. The bottom line is this is an horrible thing to go through and some of us are here and some you passed this tragity. It's a lot to get used to. I do you say goodbye to someone you love so much. And I should not be penalized by my husband because I want to spend time with my mom. She gave me a lot and it's time for me to be there for her. Anyway thank you again for letting me vent. Martha

i was wondering if you know of anyone that takes it and does it help with stage 4? Thank you! Martha

Let me explain that my mother inlaw passed away of an unknow source last February she was in Florida we are in Boston so we didn't get to she her at the end. My husband still hasn't grieved for her. I know he probably doesn't haven't ther strenght to be there for me but we are fighting a lot. Because of all the time I am spending with my mom. I would hope he would understant since she doesn't have long. But he doesn't. we got into another fight last night about my cell phone bill that was $300.00 because I have used it a lot since my mom was in the hospital. And this morning when I went on the computer I found that he was looking at info on legal separation. You are got to be kidding me. I don't need this right know. Why he is attacking me. I call his sister because I don't want my family to know about this. She things he need professional help. Because of his guilt of not being ther when his mom died. If he didn't want me to find about it he wouldn't have left the web page open for me. I don't know what to do or say. I only cried because I am broken already and I don't have any strenght in me! martha

I feel so awful but also I know we did the right thing for her. I can't stop crying today I also cried in front of my mom today I can't hide the pain anymore. Getting hospice involved is admitting that she is dying but also the hour that they come to do an evaluation made me understand that they can help us. I could just see in her eyes that she want to fight but she doesn't have the strength to. We also are from Italy so we don't have that much family here so the support is really between us (me, my brother and my sister) but some of her friend are trying to come by as often as they can to help. And also the fact that Holly lost her mom it makes me so sad. I just came to this board but I feel so connected to you people. We have something so sad in common. Sorry I just needed to vent! Martha

Holly, I can only imagine your pain. I fell like I am beign ripped apart and she still here. I am so sorry nobody should be going thru this. Everybody that I have talked too and lost their mom are keep telling me that they will still be with you and you will feel her presence she will always live in your heart. You need to be strong for your little one but also remember that you need time to grieve. Take care of yourself! Martha

I feel like I was writing your email. I just feel the same way. I am seating here crying with you I feel the same pain. The waiting game is brutal. I am so scare that I am not going to be able to face this. and me too with two young children it's so hard. (Sorry you are probably going to get two replies I pressed enter by mistake.) My mom too declined really fast one day to the next that is why is so hard to believe. We are meeting with hospice tomorrow. Keep strong I know is easy to say. If you need to talk my email is: sasha_coscia@yahoo.com take care! Martha

I feel like I was writing your email I just feel the same way. I am seating here crying with you I feel the same pain. The waiting game is brutal. I am so

Carol, I am going thru this right now with my mom she is getting weaker. I AM still hoping for miracle we all are I sure. You were so brave to be there with your dad I am so scare that I am just going to fall apart and not be able to be strong for her. I am so angry why can they find a cure for this horrible disease. My prayers are with you and your family. Keep strong I know it's not easy! Big hug! martha

Like I said my mom is dying with stage 4 lung cancer. What a nightmare this is. I don't think I can cope with this. She had cancer for almost 2 years she was on Iressa which at that time she already was stage 4 so that did prolong her life. It stopped working after 1.5 years later and then she was on Tarceva, a trial which I think made it worst then one traetment of Alimta and then it went down hill. But I never thought we would come to this. She is on 6 liter of oxygen per minute and she can barely move. How can you prepare for what's coming? I love my mom so much we are so closed and I feel like a part of me will go with her. But i can't fall apart I have two young kids to take care of. I don't know what to do. I will appriciate any advice that you can give me! Thank you! Martha

My name is Martha my mom is dying with stage 4 lung cancer. What a nightmare this is. I don't think I can cope with this. She had cancer for almost 2 years she was on Iressa which at that time she already was stage 4 so that did prolong her life. It stopped working a 1.5 years later and then she was on Tarceva, a trial which I think made it worst then one traetment of Alimta and then it went down hill. But I never thought we would come to this. She is on 6 liter of oxygen per minute and she can barely move. How can you prepare for what's coming? I love my mom so much we are so closed and I feel like a part of me will go with her. But i can't fall apart I have two young kids to take care of. I don't know what to do. I will appriciate any advice that you can give me! Thank you! Martha