Martha02

How can this doctor know anything, morons. They gave my mom 6 months, she lived 2 years. I am sorry this didn't work out. But you know what, there is a God up there and I do believe in miracles still. Keep the faith! martha

I am so sorry for your lost. It was nice that you were there to hold his hand. It's so important for them to hear that it's ok to let go. Infact my mom was fighting until she heard from me that was OK to go. I was the one that needed her the most. She knew. I will pray for you because I know of hard the funeral thing is. You will have a funeral this Saturday and I will be at my mom's one year anniversary mass. I will be thinking of you! Take care of yourself! Martha

Crystle, I am so sorry. You were there for your mom difficult journey. We all have those thoughts that we could of done more, but it's nothing there to stop this awful disease. Sometimes they want to die alone. they don't wont you to see. My mom wanted us to be there but my mother in law waited until we left to go. Keep strong! Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. Losing a mom is not easy unfortunally I belong to that club too. You were brave to wait for to funeral home to take her, I couldn't do it. My dad and my mom's best friend stayed with her. I stayed 3 hrs with her after she died. It's so weird to see their skin change color. My prayers are with you. I hope your mom will give you enough strength to get throw the next few days. Take care of yourself, Martha

I had a timeline last year. I don't know what happen to it. I just didn't have the strength to re-live that nightmare again and retype all of it. But I do like the timeline, keep it. Maybe I will do a short version of it. martha

I was just thinking about you and I saw the post. I am sooooo sorry. I can tell you that you do feel a sense of peace when they shout those machines off. When the nurse shut my mom's oxygen tanks off I wanted to throw them out the window. Try to be strong the next few days are really going to drain you. I wont lie to you it's probably the hardest thing you will ever have to face. Cancer does SUCK!!!!!!!!!! Martha

Nick, I am so sorry for you and your wife. But like you said your mom has a tiny grandchild with her now. I lost a baby and my dog before my mom died. And I told my sister the other day, when I will go some day I picture my mom coming towards me with my baby and my dog. Because we will see them again. Again I am sorry. Martha

Sarah, I still have my mom's phone number on my cell phone after a year. I am so sorry you are going through this. It's not an easy road. You will get your sign at the right time. I did. take care Martha

Lori, I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I am still stunned by my mom been gone after a year. Like my friend said to me, she lost her mom 5 year ago, "I can finally think about her without having my breath taken away, but you will never get over it". Hang in there! Martha

Cheryl, I know how hard it is to see your mom like that. I went through it last year around the same time as you. We were face with the same decision regarding the do not resuscitate if the heart stops. It's really important that you spend time with her now. I tried to spend as much time as possible with my mom, even if it was so hard to see her like that. She is not the mom you know, I know. It's almost surreal what you are going through. Hang in there. My prayer is with you and your mom. Martha [/i]

Kim I am soooo sorry, life is just not fair to us sometimes. My prayer are with you! Martha

Nick don't forget that she is smiling, she is near you, and you wife and the baby. This should be an happy joy for you and your wife. I know you are angry. my brother's wife was pregnant when she died. and I know that my brother wanted my mom to hold his baby too, like she did with my two. But life is cruel sometime. Out of our control. Everybody tells me:"do you think you mom is happy when you are so sad???" I wish my mom was here to see how funny her grandaughter is. Let me tell you something that baby will fill your life with joy again, that's probably what you guys need right now something happy. Remember she is smiling from ear to ear. I hope everything goes well, my prayers are with you! Martha

I remember last year at this time really well. I remember reading your post that your mom was gone and crying and thinking in a few days will be my turn to lose mine. I think about the same things, I can't believe a year went by. My is January 14th. It's amazing how the wound opens up again and all that pain that you felt a year ago just comes back and the tears start coming again. My daugther looks like my mom too and when I look at her I see my mom in her. So that is comforting. Take care. I know this first anniversary it's going to be hard. Martha

Heather, I am so sorry you are going through this. Nobody should deal with this horrible disease. I can tell you is so much easier when you have the disease that to watch someone you love go through it. The reason I know, I was 21 years old when I was diagnosed with fast growing lymphoma. Everybody around me feel apart, my parents, now my husband, my friends. I remember going to chemo by myself. I was trying to protect everybody around me and like you, never telling anybody my dark fears. Now I am 39 and I am steel here. Keep the faith. When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, I felt apart. Because I knew from experience what chemo can do. I didn't want my mom to go through that. At the time she was diagnosed she already was stage V. Until the day she died I was in denial, and I probably steel in denial. I guess that is the way we cope. As a mother now the thought that my kids could ever go through drives me crazy. You never want to see your kids sick right, not even a fever. Maybe like someone said you and your mom can sit with a social worker. Maybe if she hears it from a third party, she will hear it. Heather take care of yourself. I hope they find the cure for this damn disease soon. And by the way you are really a strong woman. My prayers are with you. Martha

My mom was given 2 weeks she lasted 6 weeks. When she started breathing shallower, they increase the morphine, so she was unconscious the last 24 hrs of her life. The nurses told me to check her feet. And if I saw that they had a marble gray look to it, it was happening. I remember checking her feet every 15 minutes and guess what her feet where fine. The way I realized that it was happening it was that her hands turned ice cold so I run outside to get the portable monitor I could not get a pulse, I called the nurse and it was happening, 20 minutes after that she took her final breath. Sorry that you have to go through this, my advice to you tell her everything you want to say before they increase the morphine because after that they lose consciousness, and you don't know if they can hear you. And that happened to me. I am left now wondering if she heard me. Sorry again I have never talked about this until now. You will be in my prayers and I hope that you and your mom will find the strength to get through this painful separation. Martha

Karen, I felt the same when my mom died. it was so hard to take care of my kids, my husband, to do the everyday routine. It's really hard to snap out of it. But you need for your kids. It's almost like nothing matters anymore, you don't trust life anymore. But life needs to go on. TaKe care of yourself. Martha

So very appropriate! Thanks Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. hang in there I know it's really hard. After a year I am still wondering why my mom is gone. My prayers are with you. Martha

I really tried really hard not to cry. I missed my mom so much this Christmas. I tried to make her cookies, they didn't look anything like hers, I took things for granted and I never really observed closely on how she was making things, thinking she was going to be around for a while. I am so tired right now. I hope you all survived the holiday with minimal pain. Like Don said I am waiting for 2007 to be a better year. Even if the one year anniversary is coming up. Take care! Martha

I am so sorry for your lost, unfortunally I know your pain. And don't worry you will never forget the sound of her voice. lots of prayers martha

I want to wish great holidays to everyone. I know it will be hard and sad. But think about it, we are going to makes our departed love-ones sad. We should try to make the best of it. I know my mom will be really sad if I will start crying again. So I decided I am going to try to be good and try to think about the happy moments that I had with her even if my heart is aching for her. I am sure she will be with us even if we can't see her. And I know she knows I miss her, and love her with all my heart and soul. My sister in-law yesterday asked me how I was doing about it all, to be honest with you I feel really numb. I know that my head is been killing me. Maybe I am just in denail. Take care everyone! Martha

I know it's so exhausting. I remember after my mom died it was so hard to deal with the kids, but we have no choice we need to. You will see that with time your life will be in routine again, for the sake of our kids we need to be strong and go on. Even if this seems impossible at times. I usually do my crying at night in bed. take care of yourself! martha

I am very sorry for your lost. I know is hard. My prayers to you and your family to get through the next few days! Martha

Nick, last week I was just thinking about that. I had cancer too 13 years ago. It was lymphoma. It was fast growing but they got it on time. I really didn't think about it anymore until my mom went for her first chemo last year, and I broke down, it's easier to go through it yourself that seeying someone you love go through it. Just the other night I had a panic attack thinking, what if the cancer comes back, I really don't want my kids to go through what I went through, I am scared for my kids not for me. Now that my mom's death is sinking in more, I do think about my own mortality. But don't worry about you, your mom is watching over you, do you really think she will let anything happen to you????? take care! martha

I think Don is right it never goes away it just diminishes. I know how you feel everyday I think about my mom. It's my first Christmas without her and it's just sooo hard. Just remember that she does live in your heart always, everyday. I would give anything to spend 10 minutes with my mom too. Big hug! martha