Martha02

A year ago today I called 911. My mom couldn't breath. I panicked, I couldn't work the Oxygen tank. She just started Oxygen 2 weeks prior. From there it all went down hill. I really don't know how to feel right now reliving that nightmare. I remember crying so hard that my face was burning. The first diagnose was horrible, it was that her diaphragm collapse so her intestine went into the lung. And she just had a few hrs. Then after hrs of agony they just told us that the lung collapse it wasn't the intestine in there. She got transferred to intensive care where they took fluid out of the lung to see if it inflated itself. I remember the fear in my mom’s eyes it was 6 weeks of crying, hoping that a miracle would happen. I remember when the doctors told me that this was the end. Who wants to hear that, it's my mom you are talking about she is invincible. She had survived 2 years of a 6 months diagnose.I am sorry to go on and on. I just feel so empty today. This is my first Christmas without her and my heart is just so broken. I know we are all in pain for the lost of our love ones. That's why I know you do know what I am going through right now! Thank you! Martha

Julie, I am so sorry, my sincere condolences. I know how you feel; I lost my mom 10.5 months ago. Something you said: "I do thank God that I had a warning of her passing." made me realized that I had the same experience. I notice that my mom was going just by chance. I was about to leave for a little while. So I guess I do have to thank God in same ways. Take care of yourself and I hope God will help get us through the Holidays. martha

I am soooo sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family the strength to get through the next few days. You will find the strenght!The entire deal is so surreal. Big Hug! Martha

Hi, I remember when The doc told us to call hospice for my mom I was in shock. I could not even say the word it made me sick to my stomac. I can tell you that they are the most caring people to help your sister and family get through this hard time. What can you do or say. I guess just be there for her, you will know what to say when you see her. I am so sorry you have to go through this. What an horrible disease taking our love ones. I hope she will hang on for a while. A prayer for you and your family. Martha

I am sooo sorry, I know it's hard but hang in there. What you wrote was so similar to my mom last days. It I know it's painful. Big hug Martha

I want to share it with you. I have been crying a lot these past few days, I miss my mom. I was watching TV just now and I was thinking please mom give me a sign that you are with me. I have a big fish tank, the light was on, the light went off for 10 seconds and turned itself back on. At first I got chills down my spine, but after I was filled with joy and I told her how much I missed her. And thank her for giving me a sign. Take care you all! Martha

Congratulation on your son. I am sooo sorry That your mom is not here (physically) with you. Trust me I know very well how nice it is to have them around when you come home from the hospital to share your joy. I miss her so much too. This is my first holiday without her too and I am so scare of it, I don't know how I am going to cope. That God for our kids, they sure are a distraction, if wasn't for them I don't think I could had survived her death. Anyway hang in there, I hope they will give us the strenght to get through the holiday! Happy thanksgiving Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. I will pray for you and your family to get the strenght you need to get through the next few days and time to come! martha

Don't feel bad. You are just trying to help your mom. And I am sure she is really scared. A second opinion is always a must. I had cancer and if it wasn't for my second opinion I probably wont be here writing to you. At Mass General I can recommend Dr. Fidias. He is a great guy. At Dana Dr. Lynch. Can you try to talk to your stepdad and see if he can talk your mom into a second opinion.Take care Martha

I am so sorry for your lost. Be strong! I know is so hard to get through the wake and funeral. Take care of yourself! Martha

I feel your pain. Just yesterday I was remembering that my mom time to time would what me to seat on her lap. I would say” mom I am not a baby anymore I have 2 kids myself, I am to big to still seat on your lap" Now I would give anything to seat on her lap. Everyday I go over it and think, was anything different I could have done to save her life. Maybe I shouldn't have call hospice, they started giving so much morphine. She just slept the entire time and she never open her beautiful eyes again. I am sorry I have to stop writing because I am crying to much right now. Take care! so much pain I know how you feel. Martha

People need to be more aware what lung cancer can do to us. And how many people this horrible disease strike. More money needs to be put in to find the cure. We just got a new governor Will see what he can do. Take care! martha

Have you asked the doctor what this means. Have they given you any info about it? I guess there are different part of the lung that cancer can grow. Some are worst than other I don't remember which. How far away is your mom from you? I saw you live in central Mass my mom used to go to Mass General great doctors there. Also you can do some research on the web so you will understand better. I will pray for you and your mom! Take care martha

My mom went to the hospital and than the rehab. We were on top of them everyday it took about 2 weeks of yelling to get on the same page. Can you take care of your mom at home? At that point my mom prognosis was really bad the doctor told us 2 weeks maybe a month. She was on 2 oxygen tanks. She could barely walk so she wasn't ready to come home. At that point I call hospice (I don't know if you mom is even close to that I don't mean to scare you) at they took over and everything ran really smooth. But one thing I learned that when the doctors find out you have terminal illness you don't get the best care that you should. So that is why I called hospice. They care about their patients having the best care and make them feel comfortable when need it. And you will get that support system that you need too. I pray that you mom gets better and come home. Take care Martha

I can tell you that my brother was in the same situation. At that point my mom cancer was really bad her oncologist didn't thing she had to long. My brother planned is wedding really fast before she got really sick so she could be there. Believe it or not we planned the wedding in 3 weeks, crazy I know. I am glad he did because she was so happy that day. But like some people said ask your dad how he feels about it and do what your heart tells you! I know it's hard, I HATE CANCER. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Martha

I was just discussing how I couldn’t believe that my mom has not given us any signs. Saturday night my sister and her friend had a cup of ice cream before he left. She went to bed and both cups were on the table. My mom used to love ice cream. The next day when my sister woke up found a third cup on the table. She said that she was in shock. I asked are you sure you only use 2. She said yes. Could this really be her????? Martha

for your lost. I thought I could never survive without my mom either but you do find the strength to survive this horrible event in your life. Big hug! Martha

the first months felt like a yearlong. Hang in there. After 10 months I still find myself trying to pick up the phone and calling her. I can tell you after 10 months the pain it still there but you can tolerate it. I know it's hard, I am speechless, I wish I could say something to take your pain away. One thing I did find helpful the first few months was all the times I wanted to call her I would just write to her. Hug to you! Martha

They do live in our hearts and memories. take care Martha

My name is Martha I lost my mom 10 months ago.I haven't being on this board lately because it was to painful to see so many people go through what I went through. I was really close to my mom too and the worst think I ever did in my life was to watch her die. After 10 months is still really there. You are right you do feel alone time-to-time. I don't know if you have any children but now that I do understand even more the bond and love between a mother and son/daughter and vice-versa, that bond it will never die even with death. Regarding your dad, I was in a similar situation my parents were divorce for 20 years and my father took over the entire thing at the end. But I was glad I didn't have the strength to deal with it. Anyway hang in there I know it's hard but everybody says it gets better with time. and in some ways it does. take care of yourself! Martha

Since I wrote on the board. It's being 10 months since my mom passed away. I don't know if any of you still remember me. Her birthday was last week and last year we had a big party for her 70th birthday. I never wanted to believe that it was her last one. As I go on everyday in disbelieve that she is gone trying to think that the phone is going to ring any second, and it's her. I remember my hubby used to get mad because sometimes we would talk 5 times a day. I always turned to her for everything, sometimes I feel so lonely without her, even if I have 2 kids and my husband. With the holiday approaching it's so hard. Te thing that really breaks my heart it's my son, he is 4.5 years and he keeps asking sometimes crying, when is going to see his nonna. The only comfort I have that I dream about her at least 2 times a week. So is so nice to see her. The only thing I want to know maybe some of you had experience it, why don't I feel her presence. We had such a strong bond I would think that she would give me some signs that she is with me, and she is OK. I know I am crazy. anyway thank you for letting me vent! Take care! Martha

Hollyanne, again I know how you feel. Actually on May 14 on mother's day is the 4 months anniversary of my mom's death. And instead of going out to eat with her I will have to go see her at cemetary. Some moments I still can believed that all this happend and she is really gone. Who knew that last mother's day was the last one. My mom was a part of my kids life and he kills me that she wont be there to see them grow up. Just the other day my son asked me where is nonna was. It brakes my heart when he asks me about her. Unfortunally death is the reality of this life here. With all the faith that my mom had I really want to believe that they are in a better place smiling down at us and our children. Next week will be really hard but we need to get through it. Take care! martha P.S. your daughter is beautiful. Thank God we have them, they keep us going.

I know we are all in pain here, but I also know that you are the only ones that can understand my pain. It's being at little over 2 months that she died but it feels like much longer. I miss her calling me for every little thing, I miss her telling me what to feed my kids, I miss her positive attitude about everything, I just miss everything, it's not fair. I keep asking why this disease has being created. Sometimes I am so in shock that she is gone. I really hope she is " in a better place, pain free". I almost hate when people tells me that. What was wrong with being here with the ones she loved the most. I am sorry. I am just venting. I think I am going to the angry stage. Again, I know you understand!!!!!! Martha

Hi, I feel your pain I am going through the same emotions. Saturday is two months for me. It seems like a very looong time. I am really sorry about your aunt. It is true when bad things starts happening they don't seem to stop. I lost my dog, my mother inlaw, and my mom in a year. I can't take it anymore. I hope I am done for a while. Take care! Martha

Erin, I am so sorry unfortunally I know what you are going through . I lost my mom a month ago and the pain is still strong and it still there. i feel so lost without her. I have kids too and like your mom mine too was here with me all the time helping me with the kids. I am not going to lie to you it will take along time to except this. I still cry everyday. I am so upset that I am putting my house on the market this weekend because i can't live here anymore is to painful. Taking care of the kids it's being hard but we have not choice we need to go on and be strong for them. Plus you have one on the way please take care of yourself. If you ever want to talk my email address is: sasha_coscia@yahoo.com I am sooo sorry, your mom was a special person and she will be always with you. Our mom will never live us forever because that is what they do be there for us FOREVER! Be strong!!!!!!!! Martha