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need advice; sorry it's so long

Guest whitsmom

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Guest whitsmom

Hello, all. I am new to this board; I don't have cancer and never have, but my boss does. I have known her for years and worked for her for two years as of today. About a year ago, she started feeling bad; diagnosed first w/mono, then as fall approached, pneumonia. Well, 3 rounds of antibiotics later, they finally did a cat scan. She has smoked for 35 years. Why wouldn't they look closer before? They found lung cancer. After more tests, they also found it in her chest cavity, 8 tumors in her spine, hip, a few lymph nodes and spots in her brain "too numerous to count" Well, after 10 radiation treatments, the tumor in her lung had shrunk a bit and the spots in her brain could be counted (20). She started chemo, got really sick and her blood counts got really bad, so no chemo for 4 months. In that time, they found a tumor in her right thigh (inside the bone) and two more in her spine. Two weeks ago, they found fluid around her heart and lungs and did surgery. Shortly afterwards, the doctor told her that the PET scan they did before the surgery did not show anything good. They removed the port they had put in and stopped the chemo. They gave her 6-9 months to live. Then, she told me yesterday that they are doing light chemo to relieve some pain and to slow down the deterioration of her brain. She is also on hospice now. My God!! I don't know what to do or say. :cry: She was the sharpest woman I have ever known and now she is vanishing before my eyes. Can someone who has been through this give me any advice on how to deal with it? I, as well as all her other friends, are just devastated. We just knew she was a "tough ole broad" (even though she's only 49) and that she would whip this. How do we all deal with this? We don't know what to expect or how to begin to deal with our emotions when we're around her. I'm almost afraid that she will come into the office...I don't know how I will deal with the situation!! Can someone please give me some advice? I am heartbroken. :cry:


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Deal with it like she'll beat the odds and survive it! Give her some hope, until the end if it comes to that. Spend some time with her while she can get some enjoyment out of it and check your insecurities at the door. Just bargain with yourself that you can cry your eyes out when you get home, but don't pity her. If she's always been a "tough ol' broad" I doubt she'll want to be viewed as a pathetic creature...

Don't be too concerned with saying the wrong thing. If you take the time to visit her and are sincere, I doubt you'll say the wrong thing. Tell her you're sorry it's happened to her, tell her you're praying for her...and if you're friends and you love her, let her know. Relax and treat her like you always have - it'll come to you.

Keep the faith!


aka Snowflake

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