One day at a time.

[shirleyb]

How to start? Randy has been gone now almost two months. It seems like it has been so long ago some days and then there are times when the pain hits like a ton of bricks and it feels like it has just happened.

I don't know yet what I am going to do. I have been out of work since last January so I was blessed that I could be with Randy through his illness and death. But now it is time to get back to work for reasons which are all to real for all of us. I need to pay the bills. I just have to keep the faith that when God sees fit, a job will open for me. It has always worked that way in the past, so why should anything be different this time. I just have to pinch myself sometimes to get out of the pity party and realize that I still have to have faith.

But having faith doesn't take away the lonelyness or the pain of not having Randy with me now, here on earth. I would give anything to have him tell me he loves me again. When he passed, neither one of us knew it was going to happen. It all happened so fast. He looked at me and he was gone. No time to say I love you honey, no last kiss, no last hug. He was gone. I feel so d*&n cheated!

Like Christina, I feel so lost, without direction. The pain is so overwhelming some days that I don't know how I can go on. But then something or someone interupts and I realize, I still am here and living. Randy would be so mad at me for wasting my time crying. He is not in pain anymore. No one can tell him it was all in his head. He can rest and at last have his dignity back. He would say, this has happened, we can't change anything. All we can do is go on and make today better than yesterday. Make the most of it. Just play the cards you are delt to the best of your ability. That is all you can do. The rest is up to God.

Please know I have been praying for you all. Katie, your dear father, mainecoon, your beatuiful wife, Christina, your beloved husband. To those who I have not mentioned, and have lost someone who made their life whole, please accept my prayers for you also.

I know how my heart is breaking still, knowing I will never see my beloved Randy again. I miss him so. He was my best friend. He knew me better than I knew myself. He love was total and unfailing. He was my rock and my sunshine. I love him.

Keep the faith and tell those you love, that you love them.

Shirley

[norme]

Shirley,

I am sure it takes one day at a time.....for a long time.....We haven't been together with our loved ones for only a day or two. We have had our life time with them and when it comes to an end on this earth of our loved ones, we must swallow hard and go on as best as possible.....for we are survivors and that is why we are on this board. Surviving while our loved ones are still with us and surviving when they are not...I pray that God gives you and all the others the stength to see that you have not lost your loved ones forever for someday you will again be with them in eternity. I pray that God helps and guides you through these rough times....

[Ann]

Shirley.....My heart really goes out to you! I have had time now (nine long months) to try and adjust to life without Dennis. Some days I think I'm doing a bit better and other days it all comes rolling back...full speed ahead. You know...you are right! Randy would not have wanted to see you in such pain. My best friend had a very vivid dream not long after Dennis died. In the dream, Dennis asked her to tell me that "he wanted me to live the life he could no longer live and let me know that he would be waiting for me. I have tried to keep that dream and those words in my mind each and every day. Dennis loved life and was very outgoing. He loved so many diverse things...hunting, fishing, ham radio, astronomy, remote controlled airplanes, rebuilding old cars....and more!!!! I think he loved life more than anyone I have ever known. I just try and live now for him. It's so hard to be alone. There have been so many times that I prayed this was just a bad dream and that I would wake up...but that never happened! I try and go on for my children. Although they are grown, this was very hard for them. Dennis was brave in his fight for life and I need to be strong for him now! Please know that you can email me at any time. There are days I need to talk to! My prayers are with you!!!!