CONFESSIONS

[Larry]

Confessions

>>

>>> A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I

>>> almost had an affair with another woman."

>>>

>>> The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

>>>

>>> The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but

>>> then I stopped."

>>>

>>> The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.

>>> You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail

>>> Marys and put $50 in the poor box."!

>>>

>>> The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked

over

>>> to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

>>>

>>> The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw

>>> that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

>>>

>>> The man replied, "No, but I rubbed the $50 on the box and according

>>> to you, that's the same as putting it in !"

>>>

>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>>

>>> There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon

>>> entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have

>>> sinned."

>>>

>>> The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

>>>

>>> The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate

>>> love to me seven times."

>>>

>>> The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven

lemons

>>> into a glass and then drink the juice."

>>>

>>> The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

>>>

>>> The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

>>>

>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>>

>>> An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation

ensues:

>>>

>>> Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, and many

>>> children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked

>>> up two college girls who were hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where

>>> I had sex with each of them three times."

>>>

>>> Priest: "And Are you sorry for your sins?"

>>>

>>> Man: "What sins?"

>>>

>>> Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

>>>

>>> Man: "I'm Jewish."

>>>

>>> Priest: "Then why are you telling me all this?"

>>>

>>> Man: "I am 92 years old - I'm telling everybody!"

[Nushka]

Had to grin at all of these. Thanks.

Nina