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all maybe's/ could be's


TamHol

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I am the first to admit I am a avid believer in staying one step ahead in everything. You never know what will happen around the corner and if you can better function "if it happens" you are actually helping yourself.

That being said ..... I thought I was doing really good getting things in order for 'if anything happens to Dad'. My sister is off the regular use of booze and getting counciling for all her "pre-worries" of the situation. My Dad has gotten 2 great years hassel free since he found out. To the point that we've all pretty much forgotten the 'oh my god' reaction to a common cold. Remember, the cancer is in third place when running in the "what to take him" race. A cold heightens the emphazima and lung cancer mass taking up room where there is none. Then the heart works double time to keep it all working as best it can while it's not strong enough on a good day ... increasing the risk of heart attack.

We were reminded this week ..... he goes for an update oxygen level blood test at the end of the week. As a part of letting the "completely deaf" man know what he can expect if the test shows low oxygen in his blood. My sister spoke to him about those possibilies ..... so far, he's decided that if the test is low and he needs oxygen. If he is given the opportunity to have oxygen in the house and quit smoking (nope he hasn't). He plans to refuse it! Hmmm! I understand it and can accept it .... but that's going to be alot of physical pain and daily risk of the heart attack. Hard to think he'd be choosing that!

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I understand how difficult and painful it is when our loved ones make choices that we don't feel are in their best interest. I've been there several times myself. But I learned early on that husband felt so out of control of this illness. It was so scary to him that his own cells could be turning against him. They only thing that seemed to help with this was the ability to make his own choices about treatment. It gave him a little bit of the control back.

As heartbreaking as it was at times, I had to love and respect him enough to let him make those choices. I tried to make sure his choices were informed ones. That was all I could.

I am sorry that you are all going through this.

Peace.

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