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A Great Diet


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Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at

Wal-Mart for Athena the wonder dog and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had -- an elephant? So since I'm retired,

with little to do, and on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a

dog, but I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably

shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time... but that

I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in ICU with tubes coming out of

most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically

everyone in the line was, by now, enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in Intensive Care because the

dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an

Irish Setter's behind, and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack,

he was laughing so hard!

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

(Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the

time in the world to think of crazy things to say.)

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