Best Divorce Letter Ever

[Ann]

Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you

quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had

cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of

your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything

that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or

you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX- Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to st Virginia together!

Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been

married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &

griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that

came to my mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised

me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't

comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused

with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99

price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my

sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.

So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job &

bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope

you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was

born Carl. I hope that's not a problem