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Random Thoughts


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Random Thoughts

If you fatten up everyone else around, you will look


It would be easier to lose weight if replacement parts

weren't so handy in the refrigerator.

If swimming is so good for your figure, then why do

whales look the way they do?

If you have melted chocolate all over your hands, you're

eating it too slowly.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that

you ever tried.

It's not a slow metabolism that makes us put on weight,

but a fast food.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open

your mouth and remove all doubt.

When your house looks like a bomb hit it and company

calls from a block away, set your vacuum by the front

door and say "Come on in! I was just cleaning."

An antique store sign: Come in and buy what your

grandmother threw away.

Above all, if it's not dirty ~ don't clean it.

An optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist

sees it as half empty. A realist see it as just one

more thing to wash.

America is the only country where a housewife

hires a cleaning lady so she can volunteer at the

day care center where the cleaning lady leaves

her child.

A psychiatrist is a person who gives you expensive

answers which your wife will give you for free.

Face powder may catch a man, but baking powder

will keep him!

Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible

some people read.

Never be discouraged. Remember, Noah was an

amateur. The experts built the Titanic.

One reason computers do so much work, they don't

have to stop and answer the phone.

An optimist is a person who expects the ketchup to

come out in 3 shakes.

Tact is the ability to close your mouth before someone

else wants you to.

Life is too short to stuff cherry tomatoes.

Sometimes an unanswered prayer is a blessing.

If you would like your house to be clean, invite someone

over to dinner.

It must have taken a lot of courage to discover that frog

legs are edible.

The problem ~ how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home

from the store in a hot car. The solution ~ eat it in the

parking lot.

Just about the time you make ends meet, someone moves

the end.

If you want to see a cup runneth over, let a child pour his

own soda.

The best sellers in many bookstores are cookbooks and diet

books. One tells you how to prepare the food, the other tells

you how not to eat.

Formal education will make you a living. Self-education

will make you a fortune.

Man can not live by bread alone ~ he needs peanut

butter and jelly to go with it.

There are two theories to arguing with women ~

neither ones works.

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