kukla Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 (((Michelle))) I think our husbands are twin cousins. We are the East Coast version of your family, down to the selfish step! My hubby won't talk about his cancer, leaves it all up to me and would lay in the bed and let me wait on him if I would. My stepson lives 30 minutes away and we saw him twice in 6 months, until things started to go south and the hospitalizations were back to back. Once he realized his dad was going downhill tho, he started visiting. Sad. I'm not the best nurse - I do more than I should and get frustrated when I shouldn't. I haven't worked a full day in 3 months, and have been homebound with hubby for most of that. My husband had a drinking problem before he got sick, so needless to say his friends are not what you would call responsible. I would agree that an MRI is a good thing. For us it was just my hubby's classic avoidance of anything unpleasant and not being able to drink to drown it out. It's personality as much as anything else on our end. And let's just say that there's a word for insurance companies that I can't use here.... I've hired aides to help, at about $20 an hour, but Virginia is much cheaper than California. Here is something else I've done just for a few hours to go grocery shopping and run errands. Is there a nursing school in your area or in a neighboring city? Sometimes they let you post part time jobs at the school. If you get a second year student, you won't have to pay nearly as much and you will ge someone who understands how to handle your husband and when to call you if something isn't right. Just a thought. You are obviously a bright, strong woman with a good sense of humor. That is something to be proud of as it allows you to care for your hubby more than most could, and to be able to put it in perspective. And you lost weight!! Hang in there. I'm sending thoughts, prayers and hugs your way. Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michellep Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 "kukla"](((Michelle)))I think our husbands are twin cousins. We are the East Coast version of your family, down to the selfish step! My hubby won't talk about his cancer, leaves it all up to me and would lay in the bed and let me wait on him if I would. My stepson lives 30 minutes away and we saw him twice in 6 months, until things started to go south and the hospitalizations were back to back. Once he realized his dad was going downhill tho, he started visiting. Sad. I'm not the best nurse - I do more than I should and get frustrated when I shouldn't. I haven't worked a full day in 3 months, and have been homebound with hubby for most of that. My husband had a drinking problem before he got sick, so needless to say his friends are not what you would call responsible. I would agree that an MRI is a good thing. For us it was just my hubby's classic avoidance of anything unpleasant and not being able to drink to drown it out. It's personality as much as anything else on our end. And let's just say that there's a word for insurance companies that I can't use here.... I've hired aides to help, at about $20 an hour, but Virginia is much cheaper than California. Here is something else I've done just for a few hours to go grocery shopping and run errands. Is there a nursing school in your area or in a neighboring city? Sometimes they let you post part time jobs at the school. If you get a second year student, you won't have to pay nearly as much and you will ge someone who understands how to handle your husband and when to call you if something isn't right. Just a thought. You are obviously a bright, strong woman with a good sense of humor. That is something to be proud of as it allows you to care for your hubby more than most could, and to be able to put it in perspective. And you lost weight!! Hang in there. I'm sending thoughts, prayers and hugs your way. Kathleen It sure would be nice if we lived closer since our husbands are so much alike. We could have a Bit*h session. LOL Yes, having "steps" is hard when they only care about themselves. I got a phone call yesterday from one accusing me of everything under the sun. I'm surprised I'm not responsible for the ozone layer as well. Since we have caller ID I've decided to screen all the calls. He didn't even want to talk to his dad, he was more interesting in accusing me. Oh well! I'm not the best nurse either....no one is perfect. I haven't left the house in months except to take hubby to doctors or the ER for transfusions. That's where my son is a blessing. He picks up medicines and groceries etc. Don't know what we would do without him. I don't know about your husbands physical abilities, but mine is very very weak. I have no doubt it's the chemo doing this to him and I'm happy that we meet with the doc to change and perhaps start him on Tarceva. Mentioning the drinking, my husband drank a lot too before all this happened but he isn't even interested now. And the funny thing is, now I am the one who has 3-4 beers every night. When he's finished his dinner and medications and settled down for the night, I pop open my beer. I guess it's okay since I don't have any other outlets. I just have them and watch the soap re-runs. I'm not sure about hiring someone. With my personality I would only worry constantly if I was right here with him at all times. My son keeps telling me to go have lunch with a friend or get a massage. I just can't bring myself to do that just yet. Although I did go for a pedicure once. Thank you for the compliments. And as far as the weight, I see some coming on. Think it could be the beer???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy66 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I for one couldn't make it without my 2-3 glasses of wine between dinner and bedtime...I just found a t-shirt that says Group Therapy Helping People One Glass at a Time(the pic is a line of wne glasses). Probably isn't the smartest but otherwise Iwould need a script to sleep so I just use the wine for now:) Hang in there everyone and as hard as it is...take some time for yourself. We have to take care of ourselves if we want to stay healthy and be there for the long haul! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kukla Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Yep, it's funny. My husband hasn't touched a drop in months and now I'm the lush! LOL He is very weak and is at Health South, a rehab hospital now trying to get his strength back. I agree that everyone needs some time to themselves. It's physically demanding helping a 180# man around, so I opt for a massage every other week. Even if it's only for a couple of hours, it would do you good to get out of the house. A little breather can help sooo much. Michelle, you will be my first toast tonite, followed by a toast to Katy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy66 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 And tonights first glass will be a toast to the two of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michellep Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 Oh heck ladies....let's drink the whole bottle. We can worry about the hangover tomorrow right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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