kim81sky Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Tova- I read your reply to me just a few minutes ago. I felt, that instead of responding under my post, I would create a new one-in honor of you and your mom. I feel your grief so deeply. I have just walked into the house after meeting with my brother and the pastor that will do the memorial service for my mom. I hear you, I feel you, and everything that you have written, so mirrors my love and life with my mother. I have no words to say, tho' I feel your pain. I have done things this week-my mom died on the 28th as well- that I did not think I would be able to do at this point. I have worked, done normal stuff, and have spent many hours talking and being with my mom's best friends. It is as she would've expected. I have learned things about my mom I didn' know, I have realized traits in myself, I didn't realize before-that are so indicative of my mother. I talk to her all the time. Even though my grief is real, I understand that it's full effect hasn't come yet----I am not numb; I feel everything----but I also feel a peace, not relief, but a peace that I have never felt. I hope that it is a true sign that my MOM is at true peace. I can only hope that in our future, yours, mine and everyone who loses someone to this horrid disease, that we do find a PEACE, and a PURPOSE. I will not let my mom's suffering be for naught. Know that I will think of you often, and your mom. I now feel as if I have another "sister" in a sense. I hope, that things get easier-whatever that means for you. All my love-Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tjrasMOM Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I have done things this week-my mom died on the 28th as well- that I did not think I would be able to do at this point. I have worked, done normal stuff, and have spent many hours talking and being with my mom's best friends. It is as she would've expected. I have learned things about my mom I didn' know, I have realized traits in myself, I didn't realize before-that are so indicative of my mother. I could have written this. This is exactly what I've been doing as well. My mom has kept in touch with her high school friends -- class of 66'. They emailed me yesterday and said when I was ready, that they would love to take me out to dinner to share tears, love, pictures and stories of my mom. Our last trip to Jamaica this past May was with 2 of them. And her very best friend is one I talk to every other day. They have been best friends since the 7th grade. Her friend is so broken. I went on a hike with my aunt yesterday (Mom's sister) and we all feel so robbed. I too am learning about my mom. Mom had LOTS of stuff...matter-of-fact she joked a year ago to her best friend about how ticked off I was going to be when the day came that I had to sort through her things after she was gone. She held on to EVERYTHING. LOL. But this week I pulled out a couple of boxes, just with old letters, cards, etc. I even found a love letter from my dad to my mom when they were 20 & 21. (They've been divorced for 32 years now) - but MAN, am I learning new things about her as a woman. I'm discovering the "woman" -- not just the mom. I've had to get some business done this week...had to sign the papers for her cremation...had to arrange the memorial service and just get back into life. I'm taking one more week off work just because..just because I need to. I'm an only child and have decided to have her memorial service after the holidays. I want to honor her as best I can - with beautiful photos, etc. and I don't feel I can do by rushing it all before Christmas. Plus, I'd rather not mix it in with the holidays. I've been focused on Mom for the past 3 months when her health started to decline. I need to focus on my 7 & 9 yr old little girls now. Mom would have wanted me to do that. So, we're having her service the same week she would have been 62. Gosh, she was the youngest, hippest, 61-yr-old ever. No gray hair yet, physically active, strong, energetic, etc. Just way too young for this.... Kim, I feel a connection with you too. I'm so sorry you are sharing this pain. I'm so sorry that everyone in this forum is in pain. Today I started to feel good for a minute in the car, started singing along to the CD and was thinking about good things....and then the crying just started out of nowhere. Extreme emotions are so closely connected...laughter and just a sense of feeling good can so quickly change over to emotions of sadness and grief. I feel as though I will never laugh as deep, smile as hard or feel as good.....as I once did. Intellectually I know this is "grief" - but because she's never coming back, I can't imagine this getting better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I am so touched by your posts. I applaud your decision to focus on the girls in the coming holiday season. I know your mom would approve. I also have friends I'm still connected to since HS graduation in '62 and even kindergarten. I never thought of how they might someday serve to share memories with my daughter. So glad you have them. Take care dear. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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