Ann Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 6. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 8. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 9. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. 10. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 11. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 12. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams... A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no need for two people to remember the same thing. AND FINALLY..... A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 SHOPPING A woman has a vague idea what she is shopping for, will look at everything in the store, and then go back and select the first or second thing she looked at. Time: 2 hours. A man knows exactly what he is shopping for, will grab the first thing he sees that comes close, buy it and leave. Time: 10 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 INTERNET: (in my house, anyway) A woman visits three different sites to say hello to twelve people she's never met. (30 min.) Then she checks Yahoo or CNN for the news and she's done ten minutes later. A man visits six suped-up hot-rod sites to ogle at cars he'll never own. (30 min.) Then he checks Yahoo or CNN for the news. The he sees his wife doing the above and says, "What the heck are you wasting your time on the Internet for?" Then he's done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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