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BOY FRIEND NEEDING SOME INPUT


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Hello all,

I was wondering how we all go about everyday with our lung cancer partners. I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months and I have had some rough patches and so has she. I love her with all my heart. I have read on cancer spreading to the brain and that really scares me. She has a lot of mood swings and a small disagreement can turn into a huge headache. I am still learning about cancer and I see my girlfriend going through it everyday. I just wanted some input on how to make her more comfortable and try and turn a bad day in to a good. As much as I can.

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Great questions-

Here are a few things to consider 1) you guys have only been together 6 months so you're still getting to know each other, your mood swings and how well you each deal with stress- together and individually- and Secondly, now you're/she is facing a serious disease. that's enough to make anyone angry, moody and stressed. Third, is she doing treatments, on pain medications, steroids, etc... those can definitely cause mood changes and finally make sure her doctors know about her moods and any other symptom she may have. They can determine if an MRI is needed to rule out brain metastasis.

I'm hoping it's the gravity of this diagnosis that's making her fearful, stresses and moody. Sometimes antidepressants and sleeping aids can help. You are already doing so much by being there for her. Take her lead, talk things out, let her know that you understand. Built a support system around her with her medical team, family, friends, neighbors and church community.

I think I remember you saying she doesn't want you talking about it or anyone to know but she (and you) shouldn't go thru this alone. It is an amazing feeling when you see those people who care for you rally around you and other people can really help you both right now.

Please keep posting and keep us posted.

Hugs,

KatieB

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also if treatment has not started that affects things also.. if undergoing treatment let Doctors know Like Katie said.... a lot of times people react out of fear and what not... when treatment starts it is like something is being done to fight the cancer.. I was in similar situation with my wife when she was dealing with it.... granted we were further along in life but same scenario....

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Hi there! I am a 39y/o female mom and wife with stage IV lung cancer. diagnosed in August 2013. You should speak to my husband! He/we are going through the same thing. I am currently doing chemo and am on pain medication. I am a ball of mood swings and for some reason I take it out on him.....ALOT! As someone living with this awful disease, there is so much running through our heads that it is hard to stay on one page throughout the day so to speak. My husband is constantly asking me too that same question about making your girlfriend happy and comfortable etc. In reality, there is nothing you can do except be with her and be caring as you seem like you are. Men like you and my husband are a dying breed these days. I mean I literally scream at him over something stupid and it really has nothing to do with the situation but the feeling I have inside that just happens to come out at the moment. I understand her not wanting anyone to know or talk about it. Everyone I know knows, but I don't talk to anyone about how I am really feeling. one because I sometimes don't really know myself, and two because I feel like I don't want to burden anyone. You are doing the most important thing right now for her....just being there. It is impressive that you guys have been together for the short time you have and you are still there. kudos to you! As for her, if she is not comfortable "talking" just let her be. She has to deal with it the way she knows or can deal with it. Be strong for her and you as well. I wish you both luck and if you need anything there is always someone to listen. :D

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HI EVERYONE,

Thanks for the input. You all mentioned everything she is going through. She does take a lot of medicines. I am a very patient person and can take a lot, I will stand by her through thick and thin. The big thing is the letting other people into our lives outside of the internet. She even keeps most of it from her kids. which are grown. She does seem to be allowing more people in including some of my family, so over the past 6 months she has opened up more. I just want to try and make it as happy a time as possible for her. We recently have brought church back into our lives and for myself I am good. She believes she needs to work on anger and thinks that god will help her with that. I am for anything that will brighten her day.

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It is really good that she has you! I didn't want anyone to know anything either, but as with most things that got better with time and I'm sure she will open up to people more and more as time goes on, especially with your support. The anger gets better with time also, but I notice I still get really touchy when I am due for a scan. Please keep us posted on how you are both doing.

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  • 4 weeks later...

HI, I haven't been on in a little while, been pretty good the past month. Bad day today for girlfriend and I. I love her so much. The arguements aren't as bad, but are testing us. I feel so bad when we argue. It doesn't happen often, but they are over stupid small things and get escalated. I just want to hold her and take all her pain away and problems away. It's rough, but I think she is a great person and I will never give up on her. I don't know what to do other than say my piece and stay away from for awhile. We will be ok and make it through, I just hope she doesn't decide to make a decision she doesn't want me involved in her well being or life, I would be crushed.

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