New Member Introduction

[shirleymc]

Hi,

 

My name is Shirley and I am 65 years old.  Last December I was diagnosed with Stage 4 adenocarcinoma lung to brain.  My first symptoms were a loss of dexterity in my right hand and loss of balance followed by a seizure.  I was rushed into emergency surgery to remove/debulk the tumor in my brain.  I have since undergone cyber knife to kill the tumor bed in my head as well as aggressive radiation of chest as well as chemotherapy.  The chest tumors are inoperable.

 

To date the brain tumor has resolved and a CT has revealed that the lung tumors have shrunk.  I will have a PET later this month.  I guess that will give a better picture of where I am and what further treatment I will receive if any. 

 

Until recently I have been able to keep a pretty positive outlook, i.e.  attitude of gratitude, etc.  But lately I have found myself getting real depressed and angry.  Altogether I'm just tired of this process.  I'm tired of people always asking how I am; I'm tired of being bald; and I'm tired of being tired.

 

I'm sorry if this sounds real whiny, but that's where I am today.  Can anybody relate?

[Tom Galli]

Shirley,

 

Of course you're depressed and angry!  How could you not be?  And, I can well relate having endured almost everything you've gone through.  When I hit my first attitude crash, I told my GP and he prescribed medication to help me get over the hump.  

 

I say as cancer survivors and for all we endure, we have a absolute right to get real whiny!

 

Stay the course!

 

Tom 

[KatieB]

yes. the process of getting diagnosed, tests, results, treatment and the uncertainty of it all is torture.  It's not normal. Being sad that you are going thru this and feeling angry is natural.  You have every right to be tired of this and be angry. I always tell people to sit with those feelings for a while, but don't live there.

 

Think of things you can do to help with those feelings- which might never fully go away- but can be quieted.  I know one survivor who goes to the shooting range and shoots a target of "lungs", another finds relaxation and a feeling of pampering getting her hair/nails done once a week. I once knew a survivor who would have grown-up tea parties (wine parties?) where people would come to her (she was housebound) and they would dress up and pretend to be famous people.  Most people I know have taken anti-anxiety or anti-depression medications at one time or another.  

 

If you find that nothing helps and you can't turn the corner- definitely talk to your medical team- there could be side effects or deficiencies that are making these feelings worse or uncontrolled anxiety or depression that needs treatment.

Those examples are kind of all over the place, but the point I'm making is we've all been here.  

 

Keep posting.  It helps.  ((hugs))

[Alisa]

Hi Shirley,

 

It is absolutely normal to get scared, angry and tired of it at times.  No one can be positive all the time and one of my pet peeves is "oh attitude is everything", etc. etc.  It is not.  Obviously the better the attitude the better the days are but we have to real and acknowledge all our feelings.

 

And no one should feel guilty or bad or anything when they have down phases.  Most people don't know what to say to us and sometimes ask questions or say something that may not feel good to us, all part of this journey.

 

Sending you well wishes .....

Alisa

15 year Survivor

NSCLC