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Women over 50 don't have babies because

they would put them down and forget where they left them.

Isn't that the TRUTH!!!

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound

box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles

is to wear really tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when

you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose

weight because by then, your body and your fat

are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday,

along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand

everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept

rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet

for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when

they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just

forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address,

my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've

never forgotten to eat. You have to be

a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth

control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

The trouble with some women is that they get all

excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical

symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying,

and driving too fast. Are they kidding?

That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that

nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

Celebrate Womanhood!Share this with all of those amazingly brilliant

and tremendously talented women who are

intelligent enough to call YOU their friend :-) !!!

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