How to Dress

[Snowflake]

Many of us older folks, (those hovering near 50, over 50, or WAY over 50), are sometimes confused about how we should present ourselves. We may be unsure about the kind of image we project, and whether or not we are correct, as we try to be nice and yet conform to the fashions that the designers in NYC, California, and/or Paris inflict upon the world.

I've made a sincere study of the situation and here are the results: Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and thus should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. In-line skates and a walker

Please try to keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop!