cathy Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Here is another one of those dreaded first. My mom and dads 51st anniversary is sunday.. We are planning on doing something with mom, my brother talked to her yesterday and said she was so relieved that we were planning to spend the day with her..I think she may be feeling that I am pulling back a little, she cried to him but then apologized for crying, anyway all that aside, can you tell me if this day is going to be really hard, I know it will be, but do you think it will be harder than the holidays? I just need to know what I am in for.. My husband is going to take her to the cemetary( I dont think I will ever go back there). I just dont think I can find comfort there and I think its way to sad to be there.. If this is too hard to talk about I completely understand, I only know what it was like to be the daughter of this gentle man not the wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Oh Cathy..... I told you before that we seem to be on the same time line and here it is again. My parents would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this Sunday too. It is heart wrenching for me so I can't even begin to imagine the feelings and emotions that my Mom is enduring. This week has been taking it's toll on her. I was torn between spending the day with her to show her my respect for that day or just letting her have that day to feel miserable and be miserable if that's what she wanted without having to put on any kind of act for me. My one sister suggested that we take her shopping to an outlet that day and although I didn't think she would go along with it, I told my sister to ask her and let it up to Mom. At first she said "NO"....and I accepted that but a few days later she decided she did want to be away from the house and the memories for that day. So we are headed to the Hershey Outlets for a shopping day. It's terrible to have this kind of attitude, but I'm not looking at this as a fun kind of day. I can't tell you what to expect from the day since I will be experiencing this "first" too. I am thinking it will be an emotional day with lots of tears being held back but I am hoping we can ease her pain as much as is possible by spending the day with her away from home. I will tell you this much: I will be saying a prayer for you and thinking of your day as I am having all the same feelings and emotions on that very same day. We are in this together. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 Kris, This is way to strange..I think my mom is going to be an emotional wreck..All she wants to do is be around her family, so I think there will be some comfort for her if we are around..I think I will just have everyone over my house for a barbeque, not sure yet though..My moms birthday is the next day so I"ll have to plan something for that as well...Now, if you tell me that your moms birthday is monday too this will really start me wondering... I am just hoping Sunday wont be as hard on her as I am thinking it might be..Praying for the same for you and your family, let me know how your day goes. I will be thinking of you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Whew! Now that would have been strange....no, we already did the "first" birthday thing for my Mom in March. As awkward and difficult as it was, I think it went as well as could be expected. (Here's what I did and maybe it will help with your planning)...I took the day off work and spent the day just doing whatever she wanted (which wasn't much...and that's okay). Then I picked a really nice place to go for dinner that was about an hour away and all the rest of the "kids" and grandchildren met us there. I think she was able to enjoy herself although the presence of Dad was missed so very much. So, that said, Sunday is going to be a rough one but you and I AND our Moms will make it through the day. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 Cathy and Kris, I wish I had the crystal ball that everyone at work thinks I have. The only thing I can suggest at this point, is to ask them to share with you the wonderful memories they have of the time back then, when they got married. I am sure there will be tears, and some heartbreak, but I also feel there will be smiles at the memories of happier days. Just ask them to share. Give them a reason to talk about those happy days. What it was like, how it was that they came to be a couple. The time you share with them remembering will be a gift unto itself. I hope you all have a very special day with your Mom's. Much love, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 5, 2004 Author Share Posted June 5, 2004 Thank you Shirley, That was really good advice, because I notice that my mom always wants to talk about my dad and I on the other hand avoid the subject, when I talk about him with people that really knew him it makes this whole thing all too real.. Never thought about it from the spouses perspective, thank you for sharing, I know how hard it is to reach out to those in need when we ourselves are searching for some answers, so tomorrow will be for my mom to talk about whatever brings her comfort..God Bless You Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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