just_me Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I mum found out yesterday she has lung cancer...it is in both of her lungs inside and out, ita also in her lympth nodes. She thinks the doc said its stage 2...but from what I have read this seems very unlikely... My mum had breast cancer 2 years ago...and is taking the tabs for that...is it possible it spread before it was removed? I don't know what to do, my poor mum...she is 53 and lovely...I really don't know what to think...will she have a year left of less...or more... I just feel so numb I can't imagine how my mum is feeling...I can't go and see her yet either as I live miles away from her...so I can't even give her a big cuddle I haven't told my children...ages from 2 - 8 but I know I will have to eventually...but I think I need to come to terms with it first but I don't think I will be able to...how can you come to terms with the fact that your mum is dying...I'm just sat here crying...and my mum is miles away... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I'm sorry you had to seek us out, but VERY glad you found us. Yes, this is a scary time. But neither your nor your Mom has to go through it alone. There is a TON of wonderful folks here who, no matter what the situation you and your Mom find yourself in, have "been there, done that" and are ready and willing to walk the walk with you. Now, there are a couple of things in your post you can just dump in the ol' toilet. One is the idea of "how long" you Mom has to live. There are folks right here on this board who were told they had 6 months, or a year, or whatever and have lived FAR longer than the doctors said they would. And the important thing is that your Mom is alive TODAY. It seems to me THAT is the thing to concentrate on. The other thing you can get rid of is the idea that your Mom is dying. No, she is NOT dying. As I was told by someone here awhile back (thanks Curtisg!), I'm not dying from lung cancer ... I'm LIVING with it! Big difference. Prayers for you and your Mom and please let us know how things are going. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I am so sorry you needed to find us but glad that you did. As for staging, my understanding is that if it is in both lungs, it is stage IV. I think that it is in the lymph nodes would make it III if only in one lung. But I don't know much about that. As for how much time your mom has, nobody knows. Even when the doctors make a guess, that really is what it is. There are plenty of people here who are living well past the original prognosis. So do not let panic or fear dictate everything you do. But do take advantage of this new understanding of how important every single day is. Today is a blessing, and none of us are promised tomorrow. So let's all make today precious. Best wishes, and please keep visiting and posting. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Had I known you had already put in everything I wanted to say, I would have saved myself the trouble. Oh well, now I am headed back to my brand new bookshelves and the 96 boxes or so of books that have to fit on them. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 welcome and sorry you found us but we are all here going through the same things. Its horrible, its the worst, most awful thing you will go through. Its helpless and hard but not HOPELESS. there are new treatments and things that can make your mother better. I lost both my mom and dad within 10 months to LC. mom last august and dad only this past june. I also found out 2 weeks ago that my only sister, the only family member I have left now has breast cancer. I am still here and fighting along with her. thats what you HAVE to do, gear up for a fight, thats exactly what beating LC is. A fight. Get educated about her disease and get her the best treatments you can get her too. It will seem awful for a few weeks. but once there is a plan in place and treatment has begun (if that is what she chooses) then the breathing wont seem so painful for her or you anymore. Fear has a way of gripping our insides and squeezing until we think we will just collapse. But believe me I have learned we can do things we never would have dreamed of when the occasion arrises. I am living it. I hope you come here often for we are all one HUGE family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Dean took the words right out of my mouth. Just because your mother has lung cancer does not mean she is dying ANY TIME SOON. (hey, aren't we all dying, if you really want to look at it that way, but I prefer to remember that we're all living!) Find out more about her staging, the location of her tumors, and what treatment her doctors have recommended for her, and come back and post that. She could have small cell lung cancer, or non small cell, or a few other more uncommon types. that makes a difference as well. as for telling your children, they are so very young, I would just tell them that their grandmother is sick so things may not quite be the same with her for a while, or that their mommy might be a bit preoccupied or on the phone alot helping grandma, but they don't need to hear the whole story, they wouldn't understand it. we have a daughter who is almost 3 (picture attached to the post - isn't she beautiful?) and my husband is the one with the lung cancer - she knows that daddy has a big boo boo and sometimes she can't play as much with him as she usually does, and that's enough for her to know. come back and tell us more and let us help you. you can get through this and be a great source of strength for your mother. God Bless, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 This is a very difficult time for you and your family, but I am glad that you found this board to help you through it. I have a record book which I take with me to all doctor appointments and on the inside cover I wrote "You must do the things you think you cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt) That's exactly what I had to do...we all kind of have to do that. Welcome and please share more as you go along and know that you aren't alone. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Thank you all so much for all of your replies....it really has given me a different perspective (sp?) on it all... I am going to write my mum a letter using some of the things which have been written on this board, is this ok by everyone? I think the words of wisdom so to speak will hel her as well... Thanks again and I will keep you all posted Paula xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Paula I am so sorry to hear about your mum (and how come you call her 'mum' instead of 'mom' like most Americans do??!!). I must ditto what Shelly had to say - for a few weeks, you will feel as though you just can't do this, and then you will realise that you ARE doing it, and not only that, it is slowly getting easier. Believe me, you have more strength than you ever thought possible. You will also find this board to be a great source of inspiration and information. As the others have already drilled into you, forget about prognosis and time frames. My mum was stage IV at diagnosis 12 months ago, and she is still asymptomatic! Every type and every stage of cancer has long-term survivors, don't listen to the doctors who invariably like to give the worst case scenario. If you are looking for inspirational stories, check out www.gawler.org. This man didn't have lung cancer, but very advanced osteogenic sarcoma, and at one point his doctors estimated he had about 2 weeks to live. That was 30 years ago, and he has spent most of that time helping other cancer patients beat the odds. I wish you and your mum well, and I look forward to getting to know you! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Thanks Karen ... I am in the UK by the way... Paula xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S. Jane Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 I found the best way to help my Dad was to give him information when he needed it. So, as you take what you read from this forum, know that it is very helpful and meant to be that way. Just yesterday, my Dad quoted something he had read from this forum that had comforted him. He needed to know others in his same situation, since he felt so alone. Please know that everyone is here to help eachother, and it is a wonderful group. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 Hi Jane, I have been telling my Mum about this forum and other different things I have read online..at the moment she hasn't the strength to look into things herself, but I am saving different things and links for her to have a look at when she feels upto it... Paula xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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