7 Reasons to crawl under a rock

[Amy P]

1. CURL UP AND DIE:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three

kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge

for a shampoo and a blow job?" - Melinda Lowe, 39,

Sequin, TX

2. PAD PLEASE:

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our

mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and

figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could,

so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.

He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of

our guest. - Kate Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC

3. HO, HO, HO:

I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into

the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.

Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran

for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so

well that I had copies made and included one with each

of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called

about the picture, laughing hysterically, and

suggested I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared

at the photo and was shocked to discover that in

addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in

the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! - Name

Withheld

4. LADY GOLFER:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of

golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had

been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

5. NUTS ABOUT YOU:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a

store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking

at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked

if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just

looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. - Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

6. PRICELESS:

I picked up several items at a discount store. When

I finally got up to the checker, I learned that one of

the items had no price tag. The checker got on the

intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear:

"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the

store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" - Jan Bobsone, Jacksonville, Fl.

7. MOM'S ADVICE:

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the

class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and

not paying attention. She went back to find out what

was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered

that he had just recently been circumcised and he was

quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." She screamed. "I did." He said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out 'till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school

[Don Wood]

I hurt from laughing at #6. They were a good set of jokes.

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

Those were hilarious!!!!

Angie