several new ones

[Teacake]

Short Story

The college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:

Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it.

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Subject: DINNER CONVERSATION GONE WRONG

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you re-marry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "shi_."

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A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes

convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80

mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little

hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought

as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal

even more.

Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway

patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren

blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem,"

thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down

the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph! Then he

thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of

thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited

for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to

the man. "Sir," he said,! looking at his watch. "My shift

ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me

a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard

before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife

ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you

were bringing her back."

The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day