MelanieLR
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Posts posted by MelanieLR
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Dear Maryanne,
Thanks for posting this. It did bring a lot of readers to my post. I never really realized how few people read that part of the message board. I appreciate all of the wonderful responses I got. I was a little bit hesitant about posting it & now I'm very happy I did.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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Dear Melanie (nice name),
My prayers are with you. While I have not had brain surgery, I have had Gamma Knife Radiosurgery on 4 brain mets. One of them was encroaching on the brainstem & causing seisures. They told me that without treatment I would have 2 weeks. That was in the beginning of June of 04. I truly believe God has special plans for you.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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Dear Randi,
I'm so sorry things have gotten to this point for you & your family. This is just the worst thing to go through. I've told my Husband that I wouldn't change places with him for all the money in the world. Having been on the his end of the disease with my Mother & Father, I can tell you this, I'd much rather be the one with the cancer than the loved one. It may or may not help but if you have a chance, read the letter I posted under Spirituality. I wrote it for my Husband in an attempt to help him understand my viewpoint & he asked me to share it with the people in this group.
Please know that my prayers are with you & your entire family.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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1.) All the beautiful birds visiting my various feeders in the back yard.
2.) The chipmunks & squirrels who keep my cats entertained.
3.) My wonderful Hubbie who keeps the feeders full & puts nuts out for the chippies & squirrels.
4.) A good game of Scrabble with Hubbie last night (I don't win any more but it's still fun).
5.) Wendy's Frosties.
Melanie
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1.) The buds are beginning to appear on my Japaneese Laceleaf Maple tree.
2.) Hubbie put the fountain out in the back yard.
3.) I felt like walking around the yard (with my cane) to see what is coming up.
4.) My Hubbie is so paitent, he even suggested that we need to go to the nursery to pick out some new plants. He'll try anything to get me out of the house.
5.) My computer isn't crashing every 10 minutes!!! It's even better than I ever remember! No more pop-ups either. I think my Sister's Fiancee must have done some extra stuff to the old gal.
Melanie
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The following is a letter I wrote to my Husband. He asked me to share it with my family & with all of you here on this site. I had a hard time deciding where to post it & finally decided that this was where it belonged since it is more about my celebration of the beauty in life & where it leads you than anything else...
I'm not afraid of being dead.
I know the peace & beauty that awaits me.
I'm not thrilled with the process of dying.
Not just because of what I will be going through. I know what it will be doing to my husband. At least when I am gone, he can know I am at peace. While I am still here, he is going crazy every minute of every day. Wishing he could find a way to take away my pain. Wishing he could trade places with me. Being angry with God.
I wish I could find the words to let him know that I'm O.K. with this. Yes, I wish I'd had more time during my life on earth that was happy & peaceful as it is now. For some odd reason, I couldn't reach this point until I learned I was dying. I never allowed myself to just sit back, relax & pay attention to the beauty in life instead of dwelling on the trials.
Had I been able to choose my manner of death, I always said I would fall asleep one night & just not wake up. If that had happened, I would never have had this time to see how beautiful life could be if you just accept it.
If nothing else, I hope my husband can get that from this experience. I doubt it though. Death is an experience that is felt so differently by the person going through it as opposed to their loved ones.
The person who is dying finds peace. The loved ones find anything but peace.
Especially when the person dying is young.
I wish I could pass this peace out to all of my loved ones. I also wish it didn't take my impending death for me to find it. I don't know if it's like this for everyone. I know it was for my Mom. When she passed, I remember thinking how she was finally at peace & that all of us sitting here crying weren't crying for her. We were just having our own pity party because we would miss her. She was in a more beautiful place than exists here on earth. She has more peace & happiness than is possible on earth.
I'm going home soon. I feel so bad for the sorrow of those I will leave behind. I wish I could turn their tears into joy. I can't. I just want them to know that I'm going to be doing better than I ever did on earth. I will always be with them. One day each of them will join me & then they will understand.
All my Love & Prayers,
Melanie
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1.) My soon to be Brother in Law who was able to fix my computer! While I was out on my hall pass, my computer caught a nasty virus.
2.) My Sister who knows how important this site is to me & pleaded with her fiancee to put my computer repair on the front burner.
3.) My Hubbie. Just for being such a support when I know how hard this is on him.
4.) My Cousin who came to visit yesterday. She read a letter I wrote for my Hubbie & wanted to know if she could have a copy for her pastor. Within a couple of days I hope to have it posted on this site. Not sure yet where to post it.
5.) My wonderful Mother (passed 9/8/03 LC) who taught me the importance of a well written thought.
Melanie
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Hi, it's me again,
Just wanted to let you know what they are doing for the oxygen, potassium, etc... For the low blood ox, they have me on a nebulizer, 2 inhalers & you guessed it, I'm back on steriods. If that doesn't help, I guess they will get me a tank. They are treating it as if it were a severe casr of asthma. For the potassium, folic acid & B12, I'm taking daily supplements (Oh boy, just what I need - more pills).
I, like most of you, was not sure what to make of the results. My initial reaction was "is this good news or bad news?". I guess both. I'm really glad that I have no new brain tumors & that the ones that they did treat with the Gamma Knife are reducing. However, I'm not thrilled that the only explanation left for the cognative problems is that my good brain tissue is being damaged every time they zap a tumor. I remember when they told me the location of one of the tumors, I was concerned about the things over which that part of the brain had control. I guess that concern was justified. I'm tickled silly that my abdomen & pelvis are NED. At the same time, I'm rather disturbed that the cancer has spread to the other lung. It was pretty much inevitable since it was already throughout my lymph system when I was dx. I just wish it could have waited a little longer before invading the other lung. This being SOB all the time really kind of stinks.
Well, that's enough of that whining! I just have to pick myself up by my boot straps & get myself stronger so I can proceed with the chemo. My Hubbie is such a source of strength. He's also a mother hen!
I'll talk to you all later,
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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Hi All,
My CT scan results are a mixed bag. My abdomen & pelvis look good - NED! The 2 brain tumors that I recently had Gamma Knife on are showing some reduction in size & there are no new brain tumors. The Doctor is attributing the memory problems to damage to the healthy brain tissue from the radiation. There remains an irregular 16mm right hiliar mass as well as Linear scarring in right upper lung zone. There is also a new 5mm mass in left posterior CP sulcus nodule. There remains quite a bit of lymph node involvement.
The onc. wants me to take about 2 or 3 more weeks to regain my strength & start back on chemo. This time he wants to try Gemzar. I know nothing about this type of chemo at this time. I'm going to need to do some research on it. If anyone has any experience with this type of chemo, please share whatever info you may have as far as effectiveness & side affects. Thanks much.
The onc. also sent me for a bunch of other tests & such. They found several more bone mets. My blood oxygen level is down to 82%. Potassium is still quite low as is folic acid & B12. Other than that, I'm doing just fine.
Talk to you all later.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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1.) That I feel up to posting today.
2.) That so many of you are continuing to do your daily 5's.
3.) I should get the reports from my scans today (yes, I'll make sure it gets posted).
4.) All my little yellow crocus are up - did any of you notice that the yellow ones always bloom first?
5.) That I'm of clear enough mind to notice little things like the crocus.
Melanie
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Hi All,
Just wanted to let you know, I have new C.T. scans scheduled for Friday. They are going to scan the brain, chest, abdomen & pelvis because of all the new symptoms. I probably won't get the reports till Tuesday & then don't know when I'll have a plan of attack. The Onc. will call after he receives the reports to schedule an appointment. They also sent me for bloodwork which I should have some news on by tomorrow.
Thanks for all the prayers!
Hugs & prayers to you all,
Melanie
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1.) My Bro in Law who came over for Easter dinner.
2.) My Hubbie who is cooking our Easter dinner.
3.) Beautiful birds on my feeder - can't find them in reference book so I don't know what kind they are.
4.) My hair is getting softer.
5.) My beautiful Grandmother - 89 years young.
Melanie
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1.) Crocus are coming up.
2.) Surprise visit from cousin, she has offered to help my hubbie out with my care. How sweet of her. He so needs a break now & then.
3.) Salmon & asparigus with hollandaise sauce (Hubbie is such a good cook).
4.) The beautiful paint job Hubbie just finished in the hallways & the Kitchen island.
5.) Feeling up to posting my 5's! Still having some difficulty but I did it!
Melanie
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1.) Moments of mental clairity.
2.) A "Happy Thought".
3.) My cousins baby is healthy.
4.) The cycle of life continues.
5.) Tira Mi Sue (Sp???)
Melanie
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Hi all,
For whatever reason, the circuits in my brain are working close to normal right now (I'll take all I can get right now!) so I thought I'd give you a little up-date. Can't get in to see the Onc. till Mon. I'm sure he'll schedule scans. I'll pop in if possible to let you know how that goes. Ry has my phone # so if I'm not able to do the 'puter, she can get in touch with me or Greg. Thanks for all your prayers. My Cousin's baby was born healthy. God was watching over him. Had he not gone into distress, he may have been stilborn due to a knot in his cord. Greg is scheduled one day next week for his colonoscopy. I can't remember when but I better call my aunt to ask her to make sure he goes for it. He's so freaking stubborn! Cindy, I got the happy thought finished. It's not as nice as what I normally do because of my mental lapse but I think it will do. Sending Hubby to mail it today.
I think that about covers the biggies.
Thinking of you all even when I can't get on line.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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I almost forgot...
I'll still be doing my 5's even if I can't post them. You all keep it up too! They really are so important!
Melanie
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Hi Folks,
I sure hate like heck to do this but I think I'm going to need a hall pass for a while. I need to make an appointment tomorrow with my Onc. I don't think the Gamma Knife worked on the brain tumors this time. I'm having one heck of a time making my thoughts connect. It is taking me forever to type this.
Unfortunately, I don't think Greg is going to remember how to get on the site. In my current state, I won't be able to show him again & he never wrote it down.
I'll hop on if I can, when I can.
Love to all of you who have made this time so much more enjoyable.
Cindi - I don't know if I can finish that happy thought for "you know who".
I'm so sorry.
Take care,
Melanie
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Hi Everyone,
Just wanted to let you all know that I just got a call from my aunt. My cousin is going to be having a c-section today. The baby is breech & in distress. He's going to be a little early. Anyone who will, please send up a prayer that all goes well & that the baby will be ok.
Thanks to all,
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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1.) Happy birthday to my loving husband, Greg! Thank you so much for being born!
2.) That we had a helping hand with the taxes. I've always done them myself but this year is so unique I needed help. Thanks Joe!
3.) A sweet memory of my wedding day given to me by a glance at the crystal my cousin gave us as a wedding gift.
4.) Soft, warm & cuddley slippers on my steriod bloated boat feet.
5.) The beautiful picture hanging in my dining room that my sister gave me of a monarch butterfly.
Melanie
P.S. You know, you can all join in. This is a lot easier than you may think & it really does help kick start your morning to just think of 5 small things you have to be thankful for. Just 5 little happy thoughts - thats all. You'll be amazed at how often they will make you smile through the day. When life starts coming at you, simply pull one of them out & play with it!
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Hi Bill,
I just feel so helpless right now. I wish I could be of help but I have absolutely zero knowledge or experience on this subject. I guess all I can really do is let you know that my prayers are with both you & your wife. I hope there is someone out there who can give you your answers.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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Dear Tina,
Big prayers for great scans on the way! As always, let us know ASAP.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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Dear Uncle Doug,
I just knew when I saw the comment on the emot-icons in your posting what you were in for (you just have to love Cindi-o'h)!
Thanks to both of you!
What a great laugh!
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie
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Great News Bill!
Thanks for the up-date,
Hugs & Prayers,
Melanie
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Oh Pam,
I'm so sorry. I've not had experience with a hip replacement during treatment. I have however had a Dorsal Column Stimulator Implant to help control the pain of multiple herniated discs in my spine. Healing was a little slower & we had to be extra vigilant in watching for signs of infection while healing from the surgery. Other than that, I guess all went fairly well.
Just want you to know that you & your family are in my prayers,
Melanie
Reflections...
in HOPE
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I want to thank all of you who took the time to read this & especially those of you who posted replies. I wasn't really certain it was a good idea to post this letter & after reading these responses, I feel so much better about it.
Thanks for all of your encouragement.
Hugs & prayers,
Melanie