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Val, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am just past the one year anniversary of my dad's death (October 4th) and my feelings of grief are still very intense. I think everyone programs you to expect that after that magical one year mark, the pain will subside and you will feel normal again. The truth is we will never be normal again. We have lost someone very dear to us who can never be replaced. In our cases, it was a parent who loved us unconditionally, who was a wonderful grandparent to our children and someone we lost way before we were ready. I don't think that ache will ever go away - we just learn to live with it. I am in a grief recovery group right now and I am learning that it is o.k. to grieve when I need to and to be patient with myself if I regress sometimes. We are entitled to have our grief attacks and bad days as we try to cope with the enormous losses we have all had to deal with. Be patient with yourself and know that we understand....

(((Melinda))), I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved mom. Please accept my deepest condolences as you go through this very difficult time. You and your family are in my prayers.

Cathy So sorry to hear about what you are going through. On October 4th, it will be one year since I lost my dad and I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, but it sure doesn't. I hate that my son will be graduating from high school next year and my dad won't be there. I hate that my daughter still cries at night because she misses him so much and there is nothing I can do to comfort her. My dad was young too - only 67 and I have so often felt the way you do about the unfairness of it all. Good grief, your dad probably didn't even get to retire, did he? Life can be so cruel sometimes and I guess the only thing I can try to tell you to make you feel better is that I understand. Plus, remember that a part of your dad is in you and your children. My son has a stubborn streak and gets this look on his face that reminds me so much of my dad. Our dads are never really gone - they might not be here with us physically but their spirit lives on. This disease ravaged my dad physically and because of that, I am grateful that he found peace from the disease. Now I guess it is up to us to find peace without our wonderful fathers.

Jen, Please accept my condolences on the loss of your wonderful father. I know how much it hurts and how very difficult it is to lose someone you care so much about. I lost my hero almost 11 months ago and I still grieve for my dad and miss him each and every day. I have to tell you that your avatar brought a smile to my face because my dad's name was Bailey and it is nice to see such a sweet little face carrying on that name. You and your family are in my prayers.

Hi everybody! I haven't been on the board for quite awhile but have been thinking about everybody and doing my best to honor my dad's memory. I have accepted his death, even though it still hurts so much that he is gone. My 40th birthday is tomorrow and it is just tearing me up because my dad always called me first thing in the morning to wish me a happy birthday. Such a small, simple thing that I always took for granted and now I will never get those calls again. I think of him so much these days, always wondering what he would advise me to do about a problem I'm having with my teenager or a problem I am having with my car. He was such a good man and he was so knowledgeable about so many things. Anyways, I guess I am just trying to say that I am really missing him right now and I knew you would understand......

Malou, My heart sank when I read your post - I too thought he was doing better. I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. Nothing I say can make it hurt less, but please know that I understand and I care about you.

Eppie - what a beautiful and loving tribute to your dad this was. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for the loss of your dad. I lost my dad in October and I am still struggling with the loss. Unfortunately for us, we really didn't realize that my dad would lose his life that fateful day - we thought he was actually getting better. His vitals were actually staying pretty strong and me and my mom had even decided that we would leave at 8:00 that night to go get some rest as we had been there since 8:00 the previous evening. My dad must have heard that because he died at exactly 8:00 right before we would have left. We would have been devastated if he had died alone. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am so glad that you had time to say your goodbyes. My kids also struggled with the viewing - nothing can prepare kids for that. My daughter still has bad dreams about it. Anyways, please know how sorry I am and if you ever want to PM me just to talk, please do. No matter how much we think we have accepted the situation, it is still very hard in the weeks and months to come. You have a shoulder to lean on if you need it. God bless you.

Please accept my deepest condolences on your loss of Keith. It is so very painful to lose the ones we love. By the way, your poem is beautiful and heartfelt. I am sorry you had to find this site at all, but am glad you did. You will find many great people here who truly provide much needed support. It is always amazing to me that people who are going through so much themselves always find time to lift up others when they are down. Please stay with us and let us provide support however we can.

((((Karen)))), Just wanted you to know that I will be thinking about you tomorrow - I know it will be a hard day for you, even though most of them are hard anyways. Try to do something special for yourself - something that will bring back some happy memories of your years together. The pain of loss is so strong, but so are our happy memories. No one can take those away from you!! Take care!!

Michele, I have been going though the same sorts of things as you, so I wanted to respond to your post. My dad died a little over five months ago and believe me, it is harder for me now than ever. I think at first you are so exhausted and numb, it doesn't really sink in that your dad is gone. After some time has passed, you come to the stark realization that he is gone and isn't coming back and it is just a punch in the gut over and over again. I feel your pain. Also, my mom and I have been through some pretty difficult times since my dad died. I have a little bit of a different problem - my mom leans on me for everything. She calls me anywhere from three to ten times a day, a lot of times while I am at work. She talks about my dad's death constantly and dredges up all of the painful details of his last days and won't let it go. It is so painful for me to relive all of these details day after day. I was there for it and I still have nightmares about it. I feel like it is an open wound that she will not even allow to scab over because she keeps talking about it constantly. I am at the point that I want to remember the good times and the happy memories, not the painful ones. My mom also does not sleep and is angry at almost everyone. She has alienated a lot of people and that is why I let her vent on me because I know that she needs to do that. No matter what me or my kids do to help, I feel like we can't get through. Just be patient with your mom, Michele. You are a good daughter - that is obvious. Just be there for her - that is what your dad would want. I know it is hard sometimes because you are dealing with your own heartache as well, but the loss of a spouse is on another plane than our grief. I wish you all the best....

To give you a little background on my boss - he is a CPA who talks faster than he thinks. Last year a few months into my dad's chemo, it was tax season. After tax season, the office went on a trip to Lake Tahoe. I guess I was worried because my dad's blood counts were down and he was unable to do chemo for awhile so I was a little quiet. My boss looked at me and said "What is the matter with you? You look like you have cancer." I was dumbfounded. I just looked at him and said "Don't say that to me!" Everyone else from the office just stood there with their mouths open and couldn't believe that he said that. I tried to put it behind me, but it has always been in the back of my mind. Well, here it is tax season again and now my dad is gone. I decided not to go on the trip this year because my boss told me in January that due to budget constraints, he really "didn't know what was going to happen to my hours after tax season." He said maybe I could only work two weeks a month. He said it very nonchalantly and walked away. I didn't say anything, but I was very hurt. Here I am still reeling from my dad's death two months before and now I don't know if I am going to have a job or not? I made up my mind that I was going to leave. In addition to that, hy husband got real sick in January and went to urgent care and had a chest X-ray. They called him and told him there was an irregular nodule that showed up on his left lung. I know nodules can be nothing, but after what I went through with my dad - I was and am terrified. I felt like I couldn't breathe when he called me and told me this. My boss was there and knew what was going on. About a week ago, I told my boss that I was leaving after tax season and I tried to do it on friendly terms and he said that I was oversensitive and that he didn't fire me - he was just letting me know I might be cut back. Well, I only work 25 hours per week when it isn't tax season as it is. I can't afford to work any less than that. He got mad at me and said "well, I don't think we are a fit anyway. And by the way, you are not the same employee you were last tax season." I looked at him and told him that I wasn't the same person I was last tax season, but that I felt like I had been working very hard and giving 110%. He said "well who said I was talking about how you worked? You just seem to not be yourself - I thought maybe it had to do with your dad but now I see it is just because you had an attitude with me." I am so upset now - I don't know how I can put up with this for another 4 weeks of tax season. I have done the best I can to put my life back in order and I feel like I am constantly being judged and told how I should feel. I come to work and work hard and force myself to smile and be cheerful when I feel like bawling. This man has never lost anybody close to him and I don't think he realizes how devastated I am. Sorry this is so long but he made me feel pretty lousy about myself and I needed to vent.....thanks for listening.

Ann, I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you today. I know you must be feeling lonesome and melancholy. I hope that you are reliving plenty of happy memories from your 29 years of marriage. Although I haven't lost a spouse, this marker will be coming up for my mom this month. On March 31st, they would have been married for 47 years and this will be her first year without him. I don't have any idea what I can do to relieve any of her pain and loneliness. Again, hopefully you can take some time today and relive the good memories. You will be in my thoughts.

Welcome to the support group Sher. So very sorry that you have to be here at all, but hope that this can give you some comfort and let you know that you are not alone. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad five months ago and your post really struck me because of the similarities. My dad also came down with pneumonia and died three weeks after that so your post really hit me. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, but it still hurts. The only thing I can say is that you learn to put one foot in front of the other each day and try to live a good life and honor your loved one. You will have some good days, some bad days and some terrible days. But just remember that there are people here you can talk to who understand your pain and will help you all they can. Again, glad you found this site and I will keep you in my thoughts.

Karen and Laura, I wish you my deepest and heartfelt condolences. I know that nothing anyone can say can ease the deep loss and hurt you are feeling right now, but just wanted you to know that I am so very sorry......

Bob, thank you for posting this for all of us. I hope it gives you some comfort to know how many people loved, admired and respected Fay. She was an amazing woman who never ceased to amaze me. I am so sad that she is gone... God bless your family during this very difficult time.