Carleen
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Posts posted by Carleen
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Hi Renate,
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. Boy what a crazy journey you've been on, and all because of the medication that was supposed to be helping you. I am so happy things are looking brighter for you.
When my husband had his radiation he did have fatigue, but he did not experience it nearly as severely as when he was on chemo. His biggest complaint was when they radiated a spot that was close to his esophagus. It causes a pretty bad sore throat and he had difficulty swallowing. For that we made him up a potion called Magic Mouthwash, which seemed to help him quite a bit. I don't recall the recipe anymore, as it's been a while. I think you can actually buy it somewhere premade, otherwise I think there may be others on here who have the recipe, as this is where I got it from.
(Thanks guys)The other issue he experienced was later in the radiation cycle. The continued radiation to a set spot caused redness and dryness to the skin, sort of like a sunburn. For that we got him a really really good moisturizing lotion and I also applied aloe, just like I would for a sun burn.
I hope the radiation does amazing things for you with minimal to no side effects.
God Bless you!
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That is great news!!! Congratulations on being a member of the empty head club!!! YEAH!!!!
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It's been over 3 years since I lost Keith, and I know that most people expect that I am fairly healed. And I am doing ok, most of the time, and on outward appearances most people wouldn't guess I'm still grieving. But lately I have been in such a dark place. I don't know why it's hitting me so hard and after so long.
I feel like there is a giant weight sitting on my chest all the time. I can't breathe. I'm suffocating. I'm on the edge of tears every moment of the day, and I find myself excusing myself to a private place at least a few times each day to go and cry. I miss him so much. I'm so completely aware that it's been 3+ years because it seems so long since I heard his voice saying I love you, so long since I touched his hair, so long since I held his hand, felt his lips on mine, so long since I last felt what it was like to be radiantly in love. (I mean no slight to my current husband, whom I love, but it is completely different)
I miss my Keith, my best friend, my soul mate, my love. There was nobody like him, and there will never be again. I miss having my world revolve completely around each other, and both of us being dizzy and deliriously happy in that.
I miss who I was. I've changed so much since those days, and in most ways I don't necessarily like who I am now. Gone is the carefree, optimistic, joyful girl I once was. I laugh, I have happiness and good times, but my ups are no longer as high as they once were, and my lows are much deeper. I depress myself, and being always in this state I bore myself. I can't imagine others are remotely interested in hearing me talk about it still after all this time; they are bored with me too. I miss Keith. God I love him so much still.
I've seen other people posting on here, asking when the pain ends. Asking if it ever goes away. usually these people are new to the grief journey, and I try and be supportive and tell them it gets easier in time. But I don't know anymore. I hurt as much now as I did then. From my experience I have to say no, it never goes away. It's more like intermittent thunderstorms. Sometimes it's just grey out and overcast, like a sort of tension waiting to strike, and sometimes the sun breaks through and can even hang around for a long while, but then storms come and they are as powerful, frightening and fierce as ever. I just need to learn how to survive the storm until the sun breaks through again. I'm sure it will, but for now I'm scared, sad and feeling so incredibly alone.
After 3 years, I'm still waiting for him to give me a sign, come to me in a dream, anything to let me know he's ok, and still with me so this loneliness will be comforted. I miss him so much. I just need one more moment, whatever it may be.
Sorry for whining, but I know you all understand and have also been there too.
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I know I'm late on the list, but I'm sending my prayers too.
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I'm saying my prayers for Viv that all goes well, that the procedure be painless and with a quick recovery. And that the outcome be a complete success.
(((VIV))) (((DENISE)))
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Tova,
So glad your mom is doing well with the radiation and with minimal side effects. Is your mom on decadron or other steriod for any of the fluid or swelling from the WBR. I know Keith really got a lot of relief from the headaches when he was doing radiation from taking decadron.
Your weekend sounds amazing. And congratulations on joining the cause of advocacy. There is such a great need for more people to advocate and raise awareness, funding, and lessen the stigma. Good for you!!! I hope when you and your mom go next year it will be an even greater success and just as magical of an experience.
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(((Peggy))) I'm sending you warm hugs and lots and lots of love. I know how hard this time can be, but also the warmth that can come from remembering. I'm hoping you and your family can feel the loving arms of God around you during this difficult time.
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WOOO HOOO!!! That is fantastic news! I am so happy for you and your mom. I imagine you have a grin from ear to ear... wear it openly and with pride for you and your mom have earned it!
Thanks be to God!
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Hi Larry, welcome back.
I'm glad you chose to stop in and let us know you are doing ok, and that life is going on. I'm sorry cancer continues to stick it's ugly head in your life and remind you that it's still there. I understand how after going through this, it become much more obvious. I don't know if I was just blind to it before and now I see, or if things have gotten worse over the years. I've now lost 4 family members to cancer, and know so many others that have one form or another. Including many young people. it's just so sad. I can't wait until we find that cure that they've been promising us for the past decade.
I'm also glad you have a special lady friend. I know that Alyce is always in your heart, but it's good to know that affection and caring still continues on in your life. I've always thought that the heart has an amazing capacity to love. When we love more people, we don't deplete the love we had originally. It just keeps expanding.
I hope your days from here on out are filled with joy, laughter and love.
God Bless!
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Boy that's a hard one. I'm not Ernie (too needy) or Bert (too cynical and jaded), Not even Cookie Monster (I don't like cookies, even though I can understand the food addiction, I too love food. Just not cookies), Kermit is always the leader and people rely on him (not me), Not Grover (too silly and innocent), And I just don't relate to big bird either (just doesn't seem to have any direction or purpose).
I guess I've always related to Miss Piggy.... always on the quest for love.
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Happy Day!
in HOPE
Have a GREAT birthday!!!
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Paula,
I know words are of so little comfort right now, and nothing I can say will ease any of your pain. But please know that I am praying for you and your family right now. I am so sorry for your loss.
Please please try not to look back and second guess your situation. You have enough emotions and pain to deal with without adding guilt. Hindsight is 20/20, and you made the best decisions you could based on the information you knew at the time. You were a wonderful and caring, supportive daughter, and I'm positive your dad knew and felt that every day.
Take care of you, and I pray that God grant you peace and comfort.
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Boy oh boy, that is definitely strange. I have no experience with anything like that, and haven't really heard of anything similar.
So, all I can add is my prayers and support. I'm praying like Nick said that the only cancer cells that were first formulating were the ones that just so happened to be removed by this surgery. Praying that your dad is now clean and clear again.
(((Jen))) (((Keith))) I'm sending you lots of love!
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I think a hug always helps in all things. Love is the universal cure.
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I agree with Ann and Lily. I thnk there are very polite and friendly ways of saying "I don't want the Swine Flu special please". I would most likely try and gently request a new box of donuts using humor. I find that people have a hard time getting defensive and upset when they are laughing.
I've had something similar happen at an ice cream parlor. I orders a hot fudge sundae, with lots of whipped cream, cherry and nuts... mmmm....
But as I watched the kid behind the counter prepare my order, while at the same time tending the grill for some burger orders that were also in process I noticed that he was sweating profusely. As his head was bent over my sundae intently decorating my treat with beautiful spirals of whipped cream, I watched in horror as sweat droplets which were hanging perilously from the end of his nosed dropped directly on top in leiu of a cherry.
I didn't want to embarrass the kid about his excessive sweating, but I also didn't ask for the body fluid Sundae. -
Lisa I am so sorry for you loss. I'm a daddy's girl myself, so I can't imagine the pain you are feeling.
When my husband died, I thought that every breath and every heart beat I had must surely be fatal because they hurt so much that it was like you described, my chest would explode. And it did help to talk about it. It's strange but there is some comfort in telling their story. I used to say that he didn't get enough time to show the world how truly amazing and wonderful he was, so it was up to me to let as many people know as possible. And in time, the telling of him helped ease my pain, it kept my memories fresh, and now it gives me something to look back on relive those memories.
So if it helps, please come back and tell us a bit about your daddy. I'm sure he was a wonderful dad, and a good man for you to love him so much. Share some of your favorite memories.
I am keeping you and your family in prayers, and hope you find some peace and comfort in the days to come. God Bless you!
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I'd have to say my life is about a 50/50 proposition, so a middle line score of 5 for me.
I have so many wonderful things for which I'm thankful. I have a wonderful family and great friends. I was fortunately to be able to marry and experience a love affair unlike any I've ever known or dreamt of. And I'm grateful and lucky enough to have a wonderful and supportive husband now. And I have great support in my friends here.
But for all those good things in my life I still have so much that I struggle with.
I have a job that I can't stand, but am sort of stuck because I only know how to do one thing, and have a debt level that prohibits me from switching to an entry level new career that I'd enjoy. I was so blessed in my love life, but at the same time, I hurt every single day for what I've lost. I try not to think of it like that, but it's the truth. I miss him so much, and that hole never seems to get filled no matter what I try and fill it with. I still cry almost every day. Financially I struggle and barely understand how I somehow manage not only to be able to buy groceries, but also apparently enough to be overweight. And that is my final issue. I know I'm a good person, I'm not too stupid, I try to be caring and giving, and all. But I HATE the way I look. When I look in the mirror none of the internal things matter to me; I am filled with self loathing and disgust.
So basically I'm an emotional wreck.
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Boy, the waiting times are hard, and definitely scary. Keep your chin up, and your spirits high. Like your mom said "don't borrow trouble".
I will say lots of prayers that her scans match her physical well being; that she continue to walk with NED.
God Bless
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Susan,
I am so sorry about this news. I don't have much advice on Alimta. I remember Keith taking it, and really tolerating it well. He didn't have any side effects, but he was not on it for very long.
I will keep you mom in my prayers. It sounds like she has a fantastic fighting attitude and a goal in place. I pray your mom responds to Alimta well and has much success on it.
God Bless
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I agree with Ann. Soft cotton. However specifically I love the feel of the fluffy cotton blankets they make for babies these days. I don't know why they don't make things for adults out of this material it's great! My husband and I have talked about buying a bunch of baby blankets and sewing them together into pillow cases and a blanket for our bed. LOL But too expensive.
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Hi Barb,
I don't know the answer to your question. I sometimes feel like I'm waiting or trying to push for the same thing. So far it's been a little over 3 years since Keith left me. And it has gotten better to the point where I don't cry as often as I did, and I've even been able to find room in my heart for another. But, it hasn't taken away or filled the hole left by Keith. I still think of him every day and feel like when I do so razor blades run through my chest and heart. There are some days that it all overwhelms me. I'll be going along fine, trying to just live a normal life and the feelings that I've been surpressing will boil over and it will hurt like it was just today he left me, and hurt even greater for the combined feeling of loss, of the guilt over the fading of my memories, and the guilt over not feeling bad every day and living on. Some days I don't think I can breathe and know my heart will burst from the pain; but for some reason I live on. I don't know how it's possible to live with this broken heart.
So I don't think the hurt will ever go away. I believe that we just get used to living with it, for me I am accustomed and no longer fight the crashing emotions and visitations of grief, and I go through it hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
I will love him forever, and I guess that means I will feel the pain of our separation until we are reunited in heaven.
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Hi Shirley,
I just wanted to welcome you to the board, and say how sorry I am you've received this news. I know how scary and devastating it is. Your world feels like it spins out of control. We are here for you whenever you need some advice, or just a place to vent or laugh or share.
My only advice is to take it one day at a time. The next few days/weeks are the hardest until they get all the information together or what the mass is, if it's malignant what the pathology is, and what the plan is to do next. Once you have a treatment plan it does seem to get better because then you know. The fear of the unknown is replaced by a fighting spirit and the challenge of beating the crap out of whatever it is.
I wish you the absolute best, and hope that this mass is not as serious as I know you are fearing. I will keep you in prayers.
God Bless you,
Carleen
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(((MARCI))) I am so sorry to hear that you are again being affected by this. It seems so unfair.
I will keep you and your Nan and family in my prayers.
(Thanks guys)
Getting to Know You - Friday, August 7
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
The things that I find most annoying can generally be classified as being disrespectful and inconsiderate. I absolutely hate dealing with people that are ego-centric. This encompasses a lot of behavior. It's as Lily mentioned, people who talk over others, because usually they feel their thoughts are more important than what was being said, or they just don't care to listen. It's people who step right in front of you, or actually run right into you because they can't be aware enough of anyone else around them but themselves. It's people who talk so loudly and raucously in public places, because obviously no one else's enjoyment is as important as theirs. It's people who drive like idiots because they are in a hurry, never mind the other people they are screwing over in the process. It's people who say "what's on their mind" regardless of the feelings and opinions of the others around them.
What happened to empathy, what happened to respect for others, what happened to consideration in this society. I think we now live in the rudest, most selfish "me generation" ever. In most aspects of life I can see decisions made based off nothing more than "I want" and "feels good to me, or is right for me" not what is best for all, what is right, what is moral.
But even in the midst of this selfish society, I can't be a half glass empty person, because I still see some of the most beautiful people, the most selfless acts, the best of people. (a lot of them right here on this site).