Carleen
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Posts posted by Carleen
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I'm adding my prayers to the others for this chemo to give that cancer an A$$ whoopin', but to also be gentle on your mom.
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John and Colleen, I'm so sorry about the growth.
I'll be saying lots of prayers that this new treatment be the one that wipes out this damn disease permanently for you!
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Hi Susan,
I'm saying extra prayers for good scan results for your mom. Take care, I know how much the waiting sucks!
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I know that my logic is probably a little off, but my choice would be for courage.
Like the scarecrow said. "Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking" And I've had enough broken hearts in my lifetime, enough to know I'm better off without one. Yes, my heart has brought me so much joy, but also so much sorrow.
And Ingorance is Bliss. I can't tell you how many times I've known that if I was just ignorant of the facts, ignorant of injustices, ignorant of peoples' cruelty and hurfulnes, that I would be much happier. I used to teach swimming to handicapped children and I often envied their simple view of the world as good, as happy. I will take a childlike nature, innocence and ignorance.
The only thing I find fault in my logic is that if I had an abundance of courage, but no heart and no brain.... my life expectancy probably wouldn't be that long as I would most likely ingnorantly, and carelessly go jumping off a cliff or think do some other dare devil stunt.
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It is unfair! I have often felt that cancer targets the best of us. I know plenty of people who seem to skate through life being mean, nasty and evil and they never seem to have anything bad happen to them. whereas I've known so many people who have suffered and struggled in life with cancer or other trials, who were the most loving, giving, humble and wonderful people. It goes against the rules of Karma. But then I remind myself that the balancing and judgement happens in heaven. And sometimes God needs some of the best angels in heaven, often before we are ready to give them up here.
I can't offer too much advice, as I don't know what it's like to face the thought of losing my mom. My cancer warrior was my husband. However I think you've gotten some great advice already. I know I felt angry, like I was robbed of what should have rightfully been mine, what others around me take for granted, their relationships (mothers in your case), friendship, support and love. That I think is pretty normal. But I think I could tell from your post that although you feel it, you don't seem like you take it out on your mom. Its not her fault, she doesn't deserve this any more than you deserve her having it, She's scared too, I bet she's angry too. She had plans, hopes and dreams that she is being robbed of, mostly I bet she is angry for not being there for you and your son, to watch him grow, marry, have brothers and sisters etc. Please remember that and be patient. Spend as much time with her as possible. It's good advice whether your mom has 9 months or 9 years. Mom's are a gift we should enjoy, share, and cherish. Do things together that will make good memories for later as well as pass along traditions that will keep her with you physically as well, such as have her teach you how to cook some of your favorite dishes from growing up, write down her recipes for you. Make memory scrap books filled with photos, and take new photos every day for your son so when he gets older he knows his grandma, and ask her to write memories or stories in the margins. I also like Susan's suggestion of having your mom make you a motherly advice book. You can work on it together, and spend some quality time together.
Finally, I want to tell you to not put 100% of your emotions into what the doctors say. (and to me it sounds like you've had some crappy ones, I'd look for a new doctor, one willing to be on your team and not on his own agenda) No one, and I mean NO ONE not even doctors can tell any one of us exactly how much time we have. My husband was stage IV from day one, and given 9 months as a prognosis. He did pallative care, which we told the doctors we wanted aggressive treatment as if we were going for curative. IT IS YOUR CHOICE! And because he never gave up hope, he never called it quits and he had me and others on this website researching other treatment options and keeping him going, he lived for 39 months. I know it's not enough. I would have like 50-60 more years, but that was 39 months doctors told us we didn't have. I remember when the 9th month came I was having so much anxiety expecting some sort of bomb to go off and him to slip away even though he seemed to be doing ok. And when it passed it changed things for us... all of a sudden every day after that 9th month was like a gift. God gave us 1 more day together, followed by another... we were grateful every day, we were kinder every day, shared more love every day. So hold onto hope. Pallative care does not mean no treatment. She could surprise the hell out of those doctors! Shove it in their faces for being the jacka$$es the are.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Hi Marci,
I didn't have any issues with my employers when my husband died. They never said anything negative about my missing work, or even when I was at work when I would just cry at my desk or go to the bathroom to cry for extended periods. The only problem I had was that I was in a crucial role for the company I was at, and they asked me to return to work 4 days after the funeral. I truly wasn't ready to go back, but the fact that I went in and did my best despite all that I was going through I think they appreciated, even though it was probably only 10% of what my best would have been just months earlier. I guess we both figured 10% was better than nothing.
The fact that you say you prided yourself on being a good employee before, I'm sure did not go unnoticed. Your management knows what you've been through, and unless they are completely heartless cold and terrible bosses they probably have empathy for you. Yes, they still need to get things accomplished, and they expect that you do the best you can. That is all anyone can ask. they also know you will heal and get better in time, and they must know you are still a valuable employee.
As proof that they must still value you and your performance, you have to look no further than the fact that you still have a job. We are in the middle of one of the worst economies and unemployment in decades. There are hundreds of qualified employees who are unemployeed in every field in every city. Since your mother's passing, you are no longer protected under FMLA, if they were truly unhappy with you, they could have easily replaced you. But, the fact that they haven't shows they value you.
But I do know what you are feeling. I felt the same thing myself. Especially since I took great pride in my work. I think the person holding something against you for missing your work, is you. I know that no one ever held it against me, but I felt they they must. How could they not. I knew I wasn't performing at my peak abilities, I was sure in my head and heart that they must all see and feel those same things. But in actuality I was underestimating my management. Not only were they good business people, they were good people. Sure, they may have noticed I wasn't able to just pop back to business as usual, but they were empathetic and so many people stepped up to help pick up the load and accomplish all the things I could not do alone in my grief. it's amazing the power of people, some whom you barely know, but when you lose someone you love, people feel your pain too and people want to help even if they don't say. Like others have said, it may be a good idea for you to strike up a conversation with your manager, especially if it is bothering you. You already have so much weighing down on your mind and your heart. You don't need another stressful thing, and maybe they can ease your mind.
God Bless you, and I am so very sorry for your loss. I will pray for God's comfort and peace to surround you. It is a LONG and SLOW road to recovery. And it is never going to be where you are "all better". You will always love and miss your mom, but in time you will find ways to live and cope with the pain, to work past the pain, and incorporate your mom and all the wonderful memories of her into what is now your new life.
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Oh that's a BIG YUCK! Thanks to the fabulous grocery stores and farmers markets in my area, I have not been reduced to eating reptiles, rodents or other undesireables. What were those French thinking when they started cookin' that up?
Bri Cheese
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I've got the same rationale as Randy. I'd go to 1999. The year I married Keith. It was the most amazing year of my life, and the only thing I'd change is that I'd start having Keith checked for lung cancer immediately so that it would have been caught at stage 1, removed and he'd still be here.
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Congratulations! that is great news. I'll keep you in my prayers that the next removal goes just as well or BETTER!
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Yuck (I know this a favorite of many of my family members in the southern states, but not for me)
Mushrooms
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(((Kasey))) your post was so evident of the love you felt, the pain and heartbreak you are going through. I am so sorry dear Kasey.
I do understand what you were saying. I have heard the laughter. I have felt beaten down and mocked for my struggles. And I too have felt drained and empty. This is so natural when you've been hurt as deeply as you have. It's ok. You have been a mighty cancer warrior, strong advocate, friend, confidant and supporter. You have opened your heart again and again to so many people, most of whom you've never met, but you've loved them fully regardless. And time and again, we are forced to say goodbye to beloved friends, wonderful people who do not deserve the pain and suffering they've gone through. And instead of walking on unaffected you've taken each name and each loss as a scar on your heart. You've born your scars as a badge of honor and took them up as banners to fight for those who are weak, scared, those just entering the fight and for those who have fallen. But it has been a long hard battle. Every warrior needs time to nurse their wounds. Time to heal and be renewed. You've earned this time.
When Keith was fighting, I felt like I had all the strength of God and will power to fight this disease. When he died, that vanished. But I still felt the love and support of you and the other friends and family here at LCSC and I felt I needed to try and go on and help others so no one would have to feel my pain again. But again and again, lossing people I cared for so much, not only those who were with me my whole journey like Fay, but caregivers as well who left after their spouses died, like Don Wood, and then I again opened my heart fully to another cancer survivor. I started a friendship with Darrell, we talked every week, we laughed and cried, shared plans for an eventual visit etc... and when he passed, I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I couldn't bear the weight of loving anyone again and possibly losing them. There is only so much pain a heart can take before it needs a rest.
But I can tell you from experience, that this pain makes the heart stronger. Loving so deeply of others, is something you can't turn off, even if you take a step back from the fight for a while. I did that. I couldn't bear to talk about cancer for the longest time. But I have always held all of you here in my heart and in my prayers. And I could not leave; not permanently. I read your posts silently for the past 2 years. So now it's our turn to pick up the sword and fight with your good fight on your behalf, until the time that you find you're no longer empty, that you in fact feel the need to fight again. It will happen. It happens because you love. And that is what makes you so uniquely Kasey, so special and so loved in return.
You have strength and heart beyond what you imagine, and what you can in fact believe in yourself. You are beautiful, wonderful, and giving. Let us give support to you for a while now. It's our turn.
God Bless you and bring you some measure of peace and comfort.
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I'm glad your mom is feeling up for a trip. I hope she has a wonderful time, and enjoys every moment.
I've flown with my husband a number of times during his cancer journey, and a couple of them were long flights (12+ hours). There were no problems, however we did take a few precautions. One of the trips was right after an round of chemo, so before going we had bloodwork checked to make sure his white blood cells were not completely crashed. And keeping in mind lower white blood cells, we flew prepared for infection. We carried with us a mask that he could wear if we were seated near anyone who appeared to be coughing or sneezing etc. Most flights we didn't need it, but it always felt better to be prepared and have one with us. We also talked to the flight attendents at check in and let them know that he had an increased risk of infection, so they were prepared to move our seating if we were seated near someone who was sick, or near small children who often carry viruses and germs they pick up in school/daycare even when they don't display any symptoms. Finally, as Cat127 mentioned, keep in mind that on long flights it is important to get up and move around. It's important for anyone, as blood clots are an increased risk with long periods of sitting, but for cancer patients it's a slightly higher risk so every couple of hours get up and walk to the bathroom or just walk the aisle. It's also a good idea to bring along a small flight pillow. I travel to Europe 5-6 times a year for work, and I get very cramped and uncomfortable, so I take a U shaped pillow on all flights that I can use for different positions. I can rest my head, put it under my feet to elevate them, I put it behind my back for added lumbar support. Knowing that she is probably not in the best physical comfort to begin with, maybe a travel pillow will help ease some tension.
I wish you safe travels, and a joyous and memorable trip. God Bless you!
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(((Michelle))) I am sorry you are struggling with these questions, emotions, and the guilt and insecurity that go with them.
No one can tell you or your husband what the right answer is. Including your doctor. No one knows how much time any one of us has.
I think the doctor may have let prior disappointments and a pessimistic bias cloud his advice to you. Hope is a gift. It should not be stripped away prematurely. And who benefits if "reality" is forced upon your husband? Is that going to make him feel better?
Your husband sounds a lot like mine was. From the time he was first diagnosed and given his "prognosis and life expectancy" he was in denial. Doctors orignially told him he had 3-6 months without treatment and possibly 9 months with. But he would only talk about the positive, the people he read about that beat the odds, about the plans we had for next year, the plans for retirement, the plans for our grandchildren of the children we didn't yet have. In my opinion, his hope, his denial was the answer to whether or not he wanted to give up. His positive attitude did not sound to me like someone who was ready to get his affairs in order, call hospice and give up.
And as far as success stories being far and few... well, maybe they are, but maybe success is measured in different things. My husband did lose his battle, but he lived 3 1/2 years after diagnosis. Not the 9 months he was told. That was 3 more birthdays, 3 more anniversaries, 3 years of memories, 3 million more I Love You's To me that is a great success. I know neither one of us would have traded those extra 3 years for a little less chemo, a little more reality.
Until the day he died, Keith never once said one word about the possibility of his dying. We never made any burial plans, we never talked about what he wanted or what I should do after he was gone. Yes, it definitely made things much harder on me after he was gone having to plan and live without the knowledge of what he would have wished for. But in my case, the true selfishness would have been to rob him of his hope, and mental defenses in order to provide myself with a more comfortable transition.
I don't think helping someone through the fight can ever be called selfish. It's not like watching the ones we love suffer and feel the side effects of treatment and cancer is an easy thing.
But in the end it is all up to you and your husband, and what you feel in your heart, and what you know about him... is he ready to give up? Does he talk like he's ready to give up? And I believe that there is a point, where if the side effects, the pain of prolonging his life become too much to handle verses having to handle the acceptance of dying, your husband will find a way to let you know.
You and your husband are in my prayers, and I wish for you gentle days and the comfort of God's presence.
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(((Michelle))) I am sorry you are struggling with these questions, emotions, and the guilt and insecurity that go with them.
No one can tell you or your husband what the right answer is. Including your doctor. No one knows how much time any one of us has.
I think the doctor may have let prior disappointments and a pessimistic bias cloud his advice to you. Hope is a gift. It should not be stripped away prematurely. And who benefits if "reality" is forced upon your husband? Is that going to make him feel better?
Your husband sounds a lot like mine was. From the time he was first diagnosed and given his "prognosis and life expectancy" he was in denial. Doctors orignially told him he had 3-6 months without treatment and possibly 9 months with. But he would only talk about the positive, the people he read about that beat the odds, about the plans we had for next year, the plans for retirement, the plans for our grandchildren of the children we didn't yet have. In my opinion, his hope, his denial was the answer to whether or not he wanted to give up. His positive attitude did not sound to me like someone who was ready to get his affairs in order, call hospice and give up.
And as far as success stories being far and few... well, maybe they are, but maybe success is measured in different things. My husband did lose his battle, but he lived 3 1/2 years after diagnosis. Not the 9 months he was told. That was 3 more birthdays, 3 more anniversaries, 3 years of memories, 3 million more I Love You's To me that is a great success. I know neither one of us would have traded those extra 3 years for a little less chemo, a little more reality.
Until the day he died, Keith never once said one word about the possibility of his dying. We never made any burial plans, we never talked about what he wanted or what I should do after he was gone. Yes, it definitely made things much harder on me after he was gone having to plan and live without the knowledge of what he would have wished for. But in my case, the true selfishness would have been to rob him of his hope, and mental defenses in order to provide myself with a more comfortable transition.
I don't think helping someone through the fight can ever be called selfish. It's not like watching the ones we love suffer and feel the side effects of treatment and cancer is an easy thing.
But in the end it is all up to you and your husband, and what you feel in your heart, and what you know about him... is he ready to give up? Does he talk like he's ready to give up? And I believe that there is a point, where if the side effects, the pain of prolonging his life become too much to handle verses having to handle the acceptance of dying, your husband will find a way to let you know.
You and your husband are in my prayers, and I wish for you gentle days and the comfort of God's presence.
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Kasey I am so very sorry. I'll be saying prayers for you and the entire family. And I'll be adding the light of a candle tonight in her honor.
My deepest sympathies. (((KASEY, FRED & FAMILY)))
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Michelle,
I don't have much to add, just sending you my prayers and hope things improve with your hubby's edema.
I know that I was told when my husband had a lot of edema in his right arm that it was common with plueral effusion too. However when it started causing him pain and discomfort they did offer us the option to have a stent put in to one of his main veins for that side of his body. They said the problem with the pluerual effusion is that the swelling there is sometimes compresses some of the veins that actually drain fluid out of the limbs. The blood and fluid can go into the limbs easily enough, but then are trying to drain out of narrower compressed passages so it gets slowed and backed up.
It's definitely a more invasive process to insert a stent, and if he is improving slowly from the chemo I would not suggest doing that. But if he is in pain, maybe that could be an option to consider.
Sending you prayers and hugs. God Bless!
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(((Randy))) I am so sorry you had a rough day. Sometimes the blues come right out of nowhere, and then there are the things like this that can easily trigger them. I'm sure that hospital holds a lot of painful memories. I travel an extra 20 miles whenever I need to go to the hospital because I still can not go into the one Keith was in unless I absolutely have to. It causes instant panic attacks.
I hope your thumb heals well, and it doesnt cause you much discomfort.
Lots of Love!
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Kasey, you and Fred have always been in my prayers, and today I add Tracy to them. I pray our dear Father watch over her and your entire family.
God Bless you!
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I know how hard it is to hit these special dates and not let them overtake you. I'm sure Alan would be so very proud of you, not only for attending the fashion show and supporting such a wonderful cause, even though it must have been very hard. But also for honoring him and his love for you by moving forward and taking new adventures as he would have wanted. It is a hard thing to do, and takes a lot of strength and courage. You are an amazing woman!
Bravo!
I'm sending you cyber hugs and prayers that you be wrapped in comfort and support, and that your days be gentle. God Bless you!
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Today is the 3rd anniversay of my beloved Keith's angel date.
I miss him and hurt as if it was just yesterday that he left me. But at the same time, it feels like it has been eons since I saw his face, held his hand, kissed his lips. I find my memories fading, probably a side effect of age, but also a coping mechanism from the pain. But I hope to not forget. I try imagining the sound of his voice and his laughter. I picture his smile, his hands in mine, his beautiful warm brown eyes. I love him still so much, it does not diminish in time and isn't replaced with the new turns and additions in my life.
I miss Keith so much! There are over a million reasons, and a million things about him that I miss every day.
Keith had the strangest sense of humor. He was truly unique, twisted, dry and sarcastic and hilarious. The 12 years we were together were filled with laughter. He could make me smile and laugh no matter what. I miss his humor. I miss his goofy faces he'd make at me for no reason, I miss hearing his incredible, detailed and bizzare stories about things that never happened. I miss his music about pirates and apes. I miss his boyish excitment and love for toys and the simple things in life.
Keith was a great friend. He was the only person I've known who could remain close intimate friends with every person he met from kindergarten on. I barely can maintain friendships with the 2-3 people who were my best friends from high school, but he communicated regularly and stayed in the lives of 30-40 of his "closest friends". He loved them all, and would do anything for them. I have never seen someone who loved so many people, and was in turn loved so much. I really admired that about him. He truly was a great friend, and he was my best friend.
Keith was the center of my universe; my sun. He warmed me with his smile. His radiant and positive attitude nurshished me and inspired me to grow as a person. The fire of his love burned through my soul.
I never once doubted that he loved me more than anything, anyone, ever; unconditionally. I was everything to him and he was my everything. No matter my weight, exhaustion, or even first thing in the morning, he was blind to any flaws and thought I was beautiful. He made me feel beautiful. He was open about his feelings, he never held anything back and would tell me how much he loved me often and in many ways. He loved me completely. I loved him completely. I still do.
Memories I see vividly still are:
1. The way he looked at me as I walked down the aisle on our wedding day.
2. The Halloween party at our first apartment, when he dressed up like Zena Warrior Princess and jammed on the drums in the basement shop.
3. The way he looked lying in the sun pool side in Mexico, our last trip right before diagnosis. (one of the last truly carefree happy times that wasn't a bitter sweet happiness).
4. Walking down Bourbon street in New Orleans, Keith trying to get beads by flashing people (mostly other men LOL)
5. The first time he drove his Superbee again after I had it fixed for his birthday. He was so excited and like a little boy. He talked about that for months.
6. Making out under the fireworks at the New Berlin Fourth of July festival
7. the smell of his hair and skin and the feel of his skin as I snuggled next to him as we fell asleep each night.
8. The way he would flash me sign language for "I really love you" whenever we were out in public so he could do PDA's without people knowing.
9. Just how amazingly passionate, engrossed, and beautiful he looked when he played his drums.
There are so many of them that I could write them all day. I have a million memories all of them beautiful, all wonderful, and all uniquely Keith. I think there is one for every tear I cry missing him.
In the past 3 years my life has turned and twisted in ways that were unimaginable to me. The first year after his death I changed jobs 3 times, ending up in a job that has me traveling the world 75% of the time. It's exciting, but I miss being home. I miss the time and contact with my family and friends. Recently I remarried. A friend of Keith's from childhood unexpectedly became the friend and support I needed after Keith's death. He was there for me whenever I needed strength. He became my closest friend. And after battling through the grief, guilt, and even shame that I felt, we found a quiet and gentle love for each other that understands me, strengthens me and comforts me. I'm so lucky, and truly believe that Keith played a hand in the match, as without him I would never in a million years have imagined being with Mike. And even more recently I've become the mother to 2 children. Three weeks ago I received a placement in my home for foster children, a 6 year old girl and 6 month old boy. They need me, and I need them. I have prayed and wished for children in my life, for the opportunity to love back unconditionally as I've been loved, to give without expectation of receiving as was once given to me. My life is full, and there is so much to be grateful for.
Yet today, and every day, I miss Keith still. I love Keith still. But that's ok. I know he loves me too.
So on this 3 year milestone, for my Angel, my guardian, my Love, Keith, until we are together again in heaven..... I love you, Always and Forever!
-Carleen
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Hello friends,
It's been a long time since my last post, and between posts. Believe it or not, but I've had such a loss of words on how to update all of you on how I'm doing. It's strange because I know that you all will understand me more so than most other people. But I don't know how to understand my life myself much less define how I am doing to others.
I honestly don't know if I'm doing good or not. It really depends on the day, the hour, even the minute.
It's been 17 months now since Keith passed. I miss him so much still. Just saying his name in my head brings me to uncontrollable tears. Most days I just go about my routine and go to work, go home, take care of the pets, go to bed. And those days I think I'm doing ok. I'm able to live and sometimes even smile and forget. Then in an instant it's like he just left me and I'm in agony. It's been over a year, and so much has changed in my life, I've changed jobs twice, I've gotten a dog, I've lost weight, and still so much is the same. In all this time, I haven't changed a thing in the house. His things are where he left them waiting for him to come home. The main thing is that in all this time, I still love him so much and that hasn't changed even a little.
It seems with every step forward there is a half step back. I miss Keith so much! I used to go to the cemetary every day, I've been forced by my new job to do that a lot less since I travel about 2 weeks every month, and I find that its ok. I think that its a step for me to realize that I bring Keith with me wherever I am, not just the cemetary, but the down side is that I'm now being criticized by family for not keeping his grave site as perfectly tended as before. I've made changes to try and manage to keep the house that we built together, but it's so hard to maintain this house and all the yard and things needed for a house all alone. The biggest change I think I've tried to move on is that I've actually accepted invitations to go on a date with someone. I'm luck that someone out there is so understanding of me and Keith, patient and willing to let me love Keith without jealousy and fear. He actually was one of Keith's friends, so he loved Keith too. But the down side is the guilt I feel, and the fear that others view it differently than it is, as if I am over Keith, or that I didn't love him as much as I did/do. I'm just so lonely and it is so nice to spend time with someone who understands and makes me smile even a little and who likes me just the way I am unconditionally and is willing to wait for me and go slow. But I still pray every day for some sign that Keith is with me. I pray every night to see him in my dreams, to hear his voice one last time, to see those eyes, hold him in my arms and be told how much he loved me and tell him how I truly loved him. I've had no sign from him, and I am so empty without him.
I don't know what to say, what to feel, what to think anymore. I am taking it one day at a time, and trying to stay strong today and to stay hopeful that tomorrow will be a good day. Its the best I can do. My new normal is abnormality. People say that things are is not black and white but shades of gray. My life is a little like that in that it is not the beautiful world of bright light and wonderment that it was before, and I'm beginning to break out of the bleak world of absolute darkness and blackness that has been since he passed, but it is now about 400 shades of craziness.
Basically the roller coaster ride that is LC continues.
I am here. I am surviving. I'm probably not ok, but maybe I will be someday.
I miss you all here and keep you in my prayers always. I visit the site periodically and keep current with people and prayers, but just don't have the strength to write much anymore. Please know that I still love you all.
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No real advice other than to say be kind to yourself and do not feel bad for whatever you feel this Christmas. It is such a rough time without our loved ones.
Last Christmas I wished more than anything I could have just crawled into bed and woke up some time in January. We had a tradition where each year we were together Keith would pick the color theme for our tree and decorations and I'd go buy all the ornaments and lights and decorate the whole house in his theme colors. The first Xmas after he passed I refused to even acknowledge it was christmas, no lights, no stockings, nothing. A week before the holiday my family all came over and decorated my house with new colors and put up a tree.
I didn't want to have anything to do with it, and didn't even take it down and put the things away until almost April.
Some people might criticize me for being in denial, but I refuse to listen to that. I do what I do to get through each situation with whatever sanity I can retain. I know that Keith would want me to be happy, but I also know he'd be so patient and understanding with me and would allow me anything I needed to heal.
This year, I think I may be doing a little better. I plan on decorating, and I'm choosing his favorite colors to honor him. I'm doing some of the things we used to do together, but changing them up a bit to make new traditions but ones that still honor his memory and our love.
I wish you peace and God's blessings this holiday season. I hope it goes by gently for you.
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Hi! I'm Carleen
I'm from Milwaukee WI,where I was born and have lived my whole life.
I currently work as an auditor, but I'm rethinking that. I'd love to find a job in Marketing, have the degree but no experience.
so that may take some time.I don't have any children, but I have a wonderful close family that includes 10 nieces whom I adore. I have one adorable black cat, and I adopted a 3 year old doberman from a rescue organization almost a year ago, who I love despite his stubborn drive to ignore all training and destroy my home and all the things in it.
I lost my beloved husband and soulmate Keith June 29th, 2006 at the age of 34 after a 3 1/2 year courageous and valliant battle with atypical carcinoid LC. I still love him with all my heart and soul and I miss him so much. Always and Forever!
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It depends on the day of the week. During the weekdays, my first smile probably comes later when I get my first morning breaks. Being on a diet forever, I look forward to those small moments when I'm allowed to treat myself to a snack.
On weekends the smiles come early when I wake up and realize that I can roll over and sleep just a while longer. I really am not a morning person at all.
so that may take some time.
Things associated with a 'BAD DAY at WORK' in Alpha order
in JUST FOR FUN
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R- Restructuring, which in my company is the Euphemism for lay-offs.