Irisheyes

What a blessing you are to your Mom and that she has such a wonderful outlook and attitude. Shannon

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind thoughts and prayers. Sorry to reply so late but I was in StLouis visiting Dad and he has the slowest dial up on earth! Anyway, I let it drop and did not put any pressure on him about his smoking. I know he is ashamed and I do not need to add to it, however, I would IF I thought it might help. He is not eating and has lost 25lbs in the past two weeks, right now that is the battle we will fight. He only weighs 141 and I am so afraid I am losing him. He believes he is dying and is also afraid. His doctors did put him on an antidepressant when he told the doctor all the other patients seemed to be doing so well and asked why he wasn't getting better. Heartbreaking. I am back in Atlanta for a week trying to still earn a paycheck and make sure my family knows who I am. Then will go back up for another week. I ordered a weight gain powder supplement and am ready to get serious about his weight. He has to skip chemo this week due to it. Thanks again, it is amazing how people you have never met can bring such comfort to your life!

I am back from visiting my dad for the past week and learned today that his doctor is skipping his chemo because dad has lost 25lbs the past 2 weeks, already could not afford to lose. He is down to 141, normal weight is around 195. He can't eat, tough time swallowing and taste is gone. I will drive back up (I'm in Atlanta, he's in St. Louis) on Sun. to help get him to his radiation appts. next week. Any advice on eating and also on how skipping a treatment impacts his overall treatment plan. This was his 3rd wk in a 6 wk schedule. I feel like I am watching him slip away from me and not able to do anything for him. Shannon

Dad had his 1st chemo treatment Tuesday and Radiation Wednesday. I think he feels much more at ease now that he knows what to expect. He didn't sleep the nights before. I suggested he take his little radio in and he did and listened to talk radio. I actually feel like we are starting to do something about this and he is fighting back. I look forward to seeing him next week and hopefully will help him pass the time during his next appointment by beating the pants off of him at Gin Rummy. Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice.

Thanks Geri, I just read your reply to my dad over the phone. I think he is a bit scared about tomorrow and knowing what to expect is so helpful. I appreciate it.

I love the idea of decorating the masks...I feel a Christmas craft coming on! They did pick up some soap and anti bacterial gel, just have to create the habit now. I'll pick up some masks for them before I return next week. Another questions, sorry so many, but someone mentioned awhile back a powder supplement that if I remember correctly had more calories than Boost/Ensure...sound familiar? He has already lost 40+ lbs and from what I understand will probably lose more during treatment. One more...during chemotherapy, how do you pass the time. I didn't know if he would feel up(or if it's ok) to watching a movie on a small DVD player or listen to talk radio. Picked him up some fishing dvds just in case.

Just wondering what your experiences have been during treatment as far as visitors. My dad is set to start tomorrow and after some discussions with other folks on the Oncology floor my step mom was thinking about canceling Christmas afraid of germs. I told her I thought that would not be good for dads spirits and to just make sure everone is healthy. Do you limit visitors, not have any?

I can't imagine how hard it is to stop smoking after 35+ years. My dad has always preached personal responsibility to me growing up so I was upset that he was wasting his energy compaining about what he thinks are "catty" nurses and that he doesn't trust them then goes home and smokes non-stop. But these are not normal times, where we all react as we would otherwise. My dad and I are two peas in a pod so I asked him to put himself in my shoes. In the future I will handle the sittuation differently but my philosophy now is "no regrets". Thanks again for the advice.

..still learning

Just returned from a week long visit with my Dad that ended up being 5 days in the hospital because of severe pain Dad was having. He is set to start Chemo this Tuesday and Radiation on Wed. My Dad is still smoking, news to me and lied to his physicians all week long. I have a couple of questions... He obviously did not smoke these past five days in the hospital and was down right parinoid to the degree of there was some type of conspiracy going on. Even said he thought the ER was using placebos, Morphine didn't work very well for him, ended up on Ativan and pain patch. Could this be due to Nicotine withdrawl or the drugs or both? Dad is a 2-3 pack smoker. Also, how is his smoking going to effect his treatment? We had a knock down drag out argument because he lied to me and his doctors. Would sneek in the back of the house and come out smelling up a storm and deny it. I can accpet that he won't stop, just want him to be upfront about it to the people that are trying to heal him. Thanks so much..sorry to be so long.

Thanks again for all the warm welcomes, and you guys were right it does get a bit better, I'm not crying everyday and I am looking to the future. I will post my Dads bio in my signature when I know what to post and how to do it..stil trying to learn the language of lung cancer. Dad had a CAT scan on his brain yesterday, they were worried about his headaches and that came back clear. He did not have a MRI because he does not do well with them. Does the CAT scan tell you enough to rest assured? Also, he is scheduled for a lymph node biopsy next Thur., but I just read this article, http://www.mayoclinic.org/news2005-jax/2972.html about Mayo using ultrasound to do biopsys and of course want him to receive the best care and would like to get everyones thoughts on that. My aunt participates in Mayo clinic studies in FL and has been trying to get my Dad down there. Finally, I am not planning on being there for the biopsy since he lives 9 hours away and am trying to save my sick/vacation time for what lies ahead, for those of you familiar with this, am I making the right decision. I have no idea what really lies ahead. Sorry to be so long and thanks for the help. Shannon

Dad went to the doctor today and basically what I understood happened is concern that there is another mass above the large one they already knew about. No details such as stage, etc. He has lost 43 lbs since July and Doc is quite concerned about the weight loss and headaches he is having. Also concerned about his pain in his chest. He is scheduled for a CAT scan of the brain then will meet with a surgeon once the two docs can discuss the results. Feel like I am speaking a foreign language so please bear with me if I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about, because i don't. I am struggling with do I go up for the holiday by myself or do I take my husband and 8yr old. Don't want it to be too much, he could be scheduled for surgey between now and then, but also thought maybe husband could help around the house. I don't want Dad to use up his energy trying to be his normal cheerful self when he is suffering so. Also, I guess I've introduced myself, now where do I go? Which discussion is most appropriate for my situation? What a blessing this board is...thank you for being so kind and supportive. Shannon

Of the posts I've read so far so many people have said "Ignore the stats" and I'm so glad I read that. I kept hearing stats from the doctors and everyone else and they were starting to consume me and affect my prayers and hopes. I've let those go and hope I can convince my father and his wife to let go of them as well. You guys are such an inspiration, you just don't know what it means to me to hear your stories. Dad is drinking Ensure, I think only one a day. He has Diabetes but the only thing that tastes good to him is sweets. Everything else just leaves a horrible taste in his mouth. One doc talked about prescribing meds that might help his put on some weight.

I am so pleased to have found this site. My 65 year old Dad was diagnosed with non-snall squamous cancer last week. He has his first appointment at a cancer center in St. Louis today to find out all the details. I am an only child and live 9 hours away. I just came back from spending a week with him. He has suffered from fatigue for the past year and has lost 40lbs in the past 3 months. Trying to stay positive and take it day by day but to be honest really have not wanted to get out of bed and face the world the past few days. Luckily my 8yr old gives me a reality check. Have already been so inspired from this board and hoping to have a better understanding of my role in this and of his treatment from the wisdom and stories shared here. Thanks, Shannon