mrhodes

Hi, Adela. I also spend much time reading and do very little posting, but the few posts I have made and to which all of these wonderful people have responded have made the burden easier. If I can assist or lend an ear via email, I'd be happy to. Melinda

Hi, Jessica. My husband was diagnosed in a similar way as your father. I'm sorry you are having to go through this experience at this time. Melinda

I hope for you some small moments of great peace during this difficult time. Melinda

I agree with others on this board; send the administrators of the office a copy of your posting. There is no reason you shouldn't cry. I know we all want to control our emotions. I certainly do, but I have to tell you that I cry at the drop of a hat anymore. Just recently it was in an administrative meeting with colleagues. They just have to live with it. One of the things we need to learn how to do is accept our emotions and the emotions of others. Compassion is the key. Don't you dare be embarrassed or apologize. I am thinking of you and your mother. Melinda

I have truly considered what I could be, should be and will be doing with the time I have. It has become quite apparent that only 10 percent of what I was doing prior to my husband's diagnosis (work, family activity, etc.) was truly important and meaningful. I am trying hard to change that. Melinda

Hello, Cheryl. I also wanted to let you know I will be praying for you at this time and wish you as much peace as is possible. Melinda

Hi, there. Glad for the new report. Just wanted to add that early in my husband's treatment he refused the Boost and Ensure, etc. We were able to do the hydration at the doc's office (because he also didn't want to go to the ER.) Just a reminder that that's an option. Melinda

Never feel guilty for giving what you can. I admire the selflessness I see in so many people who post to this board. Melinda

I'm was pleased to read your report midstream. Now is the time to relax and enjoy. I agree with others, the blood issue sounds quite expected and normal under the circumstances. Melinda

I am also adding my prayers to this long list. I hope that all turns out well. Melinda

I’m not sure why I’m posting today, except to see if I can find some relief or help, suggestions or guidance, etc. I seem to have reached the end of my ability to cope with all of this, and I can’t seem to gather myself together. For the past week and a half, I’ve had trouble sleeping; I’ve been crying on and off for the past three days. I just don’t seem to have control anymore. I can’t stand being in my own house, and I can’t stand being at work. I’m trying to juggle two jobs right now, and just the idea of the obligations overwhelms me. My daughter brought home her report card yesterday, and her grades have gone down in all categories except one. I can’t tell you how angry I was. But that’s just a small bit of the anger, resentment and hostility I seem to be feeling on a daily basis. I love her so much, but I just can’t do any more in this area. I’m tired of asking her to work harder or to do her best. I’m tired on nagging her about homework and getting things done. My husband’s ability to think and have a conversation seem to be steadily decreasing. He’s constantly tripping or falling on the stairs or falling while walking. His pain is regulated, so that’s not an issue. But I’m tired of constantly picking him up. I’m tired of having to fill in the gaps of his attempts at conversation. I’m tired of having to explain his grumpiness and illogical behavior to my daughter. It’s been at least a year and six months since he first began acting strangely (and stubbornly) as a result of the brain metastases, and while the surgery may have removed the immediate threat to health, it certainly didn’t make his mind function better or more rationally. I think he actually had more abilities before all the treatments. I really don’t know what to do, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep all of this up. I know how selfish this sounds, and I feel guilty about it.

Hello. I actually had to go look up the study paperwork. My brain really ceases to function every once in awhile, and I wonder who's suffering more from the chemobrain. The first combo was Gemzar/Oxaliplatin, and the second-line was Pemetrexed. Melinda

Thanks so much for the warm welcome. I appreciate it. My daughter has proved amazingly resilient. She is just a truly exceptional human being. Upon John's diagnosis, I began counseling sessions for my daughter with a wonderfully kind social worker in town. She goes to see the counselor twice a month. From what I understand, they spend a lot of time talking about what the word "popular" means. Still, I wanted my daughter to have someone to whom she felt very close in the worst-case scenario. I talked to the oncologist about the Tarceva and what the next step would be. He said he would turn the case over to hospice. Again, thank you for the welcome. Melinda

Hello. At some point in the last year, I must have joined this group, but I simply can't remember doing so. (Upon this registration, my email was "taken.") I might have checked in very early in my husband's diagnosis to see what was available. The forums are quite active, and I read about this site through another caregiver's support group. My husband was diagnosed with stage IV, non-small cell lung cancer a year ago; we've been through the entire run of treatments, and he is currently on Tarceva. Unfortunately, it does not appear that the drug is working, and the last week has been especially difficult for him. We have one daughter, age 9, and live in the Midwest. Melinda