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MsC1210

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    in INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

    Posted

    Denise

    I am so sorry you had need to find a site such as this but I am very glad you have joined us.

    There is no easy way to deal with what you and your family are going through but just from reading your post here it is obvious that your father in law is and has been surrounded by family who love and respect him and his wishes. You can't possibly do more than that, especially now.

    The best advice I can offer you now is to make the most of each and every day, leave nothing unsaid and cherish the times you can spend together.

    Please keep us posted and let us know how we can help you. The Path Less Travled Forum has some wonderful posts that may be hellpful as well.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Warmly

    Christine

    Thanksgiving wishes..

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I wanted to take a moment before things get hectic here and for many of the members here during this busy holiday time to wish each and every one of you a very, very happy and blessed Thanksgiving.

    We all have so many things to be thankful for and although there are rough days and weeks and things are not always harmonious between us all the time, you are all very special and wonderful people and I am so thankful to be a part of this online community with you.

    We don’t all always get along and we don’t all always agree or see eye to eye but in the big picture we are all here for the same reasons, to give in whatever ways we can and to offer love, acceptance, support and hope. For all of this and so much more, I am so very, very thankful.

    May your day tomorrow be filled with good food, family and friends and much love, peace and happiness. And I mean that sincerely and from the depth of my heart...

    Warmly,

    Christine

    Surviving Grief During the Holiday Season

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I thought this might be helpful...

    Christine

    Getting Through the Holidays

    Surviving Grief During the Holiday Season

    By Angela Morrow, RN, About.com

    Updated: October 30, 2008

    About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

    With the first fallen leaf of autumn, we begin to anticipate the holidays ahead. Our senses are acute and take in everything: the smell of turkey roasting and freshly baked pies; the holiday songs playing on the radio; the sound of laughter from our loved ones who have gathered together. But for those of us who are experiencing illness, grief, or the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a time of sadness, pain, anger, or dread.

    The ebb and flow of grief can overwhelm us with waves of memories, especially during the holidays. Grief will also magnify the stress that is already a part of the holiday season. How do we begin to fill the emptiness we feel when it seems everyone else is overflowing with joy? There are some strategies to help you cope during the holidays and beyond.

    Strategies for Survival

    Offer Yourself Some Grace

    The best thing you can do this holiday season is be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is your feeling. Don’t fall prey to the belief that you have to feel a certain way or do certain things for your holiday to be “normal.” If you feel sad, allow the tears to come; if you feel angry, allow yourself to vent some steam.

    Be Kind to Yourself

    Get the rest and nourishment you need. Don’t take on any more than you can handle. If you need to be alone, honor that. If you crave the company and affection of others, seek it out. Do whatever it is that feels right to you.

    Ask For and Accept Help

    The holiday season is no time to feign strength and independence. You will need the help and support of others to get through. Don’t feel as though you are a burden. People get immense satisfaction and joy from helping those they care about.

    In times of need, other people desire to help but often don’t know how. This is the time for you to speak up and make your needs known. If you need someone to help you with meals, shopping, or decorating, tell them so. They will be delighted to feel like they are helping you in some way.

    The same holds true for your emotional needs. Friends and family may feel uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your grief. They may think that you don’t want to talk about it and don’t want to remind you of your pain. Again, you will have to direct them in the best way to help you. If you want to talk about what you’re going through or just want a shoulder to cry on, let your loved ones know.

    Find Support

    Sharing your feelings is the best way to get through them. You need people you can talk to. Friends and relatives can be a great support to us during times of grief, but they are sometimes full of their own grief or so immersed in the business of the holidays that they cannot be a support to you. Support groups for caregivers and the bereaved are plentiful during the holiday season. Check with local churches, community centers, and hospice agencies to find a group that suites you. Support group members often make friends that end up being a source of support for years to come.

    Make a Difference

    Most of us like to help others during the holiday season. Taking the ornament off the tree at the mall, dropping our change in the charity basket, or donating to our favorite organization can help us feel like we are contributing to a greater good. Helping others in times of grief can help take the focus off yourself and your pain. Volunteering at a nursing home, hospital, children’s shelter, or soup kitchen can be cathartic in times of pain. Even helping a friend or family member in need can be healing.

    Stop the Comparisons

    It’s easy to watch other families and compare them to your own. Seeing other families together and enjoying the festivities may make you feel deprived. Keep in mind that the holidays are stressful for most families and are rarely the magical gatherings depicted in greeting cards. Try to embrace what you have rather than compare it to what you think others have.

    Remember That You Will Survive

    As hard as it is for you right now, you will survive. You will make it through the holidays in one piece. It may be the most difficult season in your time of grief, but it will pass. And when it does, you will come out on the other side stronger than before.

    You don’t have to enjoy the holidays. You don’t even have to go through the motions pretending to enjoy the festivities. But, it’s also OK to have a good time in spite of your grief. If happiness slips through your window of grief, allow it to happen and enjoy it. You won’t be doing your loved one an injustice by feeling joyous. The best gift you can give anyone you love, even someone you have lost, is being true to yourself and living your life to the fullest.

    survivor of 3b lung cancer,without surgery and older 65-

    in INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

    Posted

    Hello Teardrop

    I can't really give you a lot of advice but yes there are things that your sisters doctor can give her to help with the appetite. If you are near her try making her some of her favorite foods, keep finger foods nearby so she can nibble on them throughout the day.

    Boost or Ensure are great ways to add calories but with her being diabetic the sugar free versions would most likely be better for her. (Glucerna is one and it comes in a variety of flavors..)

    I am sure the others will be along soon to offer more adivce.. Please keep posting and let us know how your sister AND YOU are doing.

    Warmly

    Christine

    Excellent booklet..

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    When Jerry began the "dying process" our Hospice nurse gave us copies of a wonderful booklet written by Barbara Karnes.

    The book is entitled, "Gone From My Sight; The Dying Experience" It is a small booklet with very, very empowering messages. This booklet is used as a guideline only and explains th signs and symptoms as a person begins their journey into the dying process.

    Personally I found it to be a huge comfort for myself and even more so in helping my Mom understand and accept what was happening as Jerry slipped away from us.

    If your Hospice does not have this book, you can find more information about obtaining a copy through Barbara Karnes' web site...

    www.bkbooks.com

    I am not familiar with her other books, but also available through this site are;

    "My Friend, I Care; The Grief Experience"

    and

    "A Time To Live - Living With A Life-Threatening Illness"

    These booklets are inexpensive price~wise but the one we were given was invaluable!

    Barbara Karnes, RN, is an award winning hospice nurse and nationally prominent speaker on the dynamics of dying.

    2 and 3 year anniversaries and some big firsts, too

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I’ve been doing some early prep work for the upcoming holidays, Christmas shopping, wrapping as well as some baking for Thanksgiving. As much as all of this has been enjoyable, for a change, I have had some strange feelings about it all too but could not quite figure it out.

    This morning as I was sitting still for more than 5 minutes it occurred to me what those feelings were. They are the anniversaries of losses as well as the knowledge, which I had not let myself acknowledge until now, of the upcoming, painful firsts we are about to endure.

    It was 2 years ago November 14th that my son left for Missouri for 6 months of basic training. It was only a week later that my grandmother died very, very unexpectedly from a massive heart attack, 3 days before Thanksgiving. That was one of the hardest months I have ever had to live through.

    It was only about 2 weeks after my grandmother passed, on December 7, that I lost, we here at LCSC all lost, Darryl Barnes. Darryl was one of the most inspiring and warm hearted people I have ever had the pleasure to know and I miss him so much. Darryl fought his cancer with such courage and grace and never once complained. I wish there were more people like him in this world. Those who were fortunate enough to have “met” him on here know what I mean and those who were not with us yet, I wish you could have met him.

    And of course, December 10th marks the 3 year anniversary of Brad’s passing. I don’t even have the words to describe the void he left not only in my life, my family’s life but in so many others who knew him. I don’t know where the time has gone. It seems so unreal that it has been 3 years but at other times it feels like only yesterday. I still have moments that I want to pick up the phone to share one thing or another with him and it is then that it hits me so hard.. He is gone. Gone but never forgotten….

    This year we are facing the holidays without my step dad. Mom will be here with us and we are determine to make things as festive as we can while not losing sight of the fact Jerry is not with us this year. I know this is going to be hard but Mom has been doing so well. I am just praying that this will not be too difficult for her. We’ve talked about the void Jerry’s passing has left for us all and Mom has been able to hold on to the good memories and is doing her best at adjusting to her new life. As some of you know all too well, these “firsts” are so often the biggest challenges we have to get through.

    Please don’t feel as if you need to reply to this. I just needed to vent a little and I am feelinga little better having done so.

    Warm hugs to all

    Chrisitne

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