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teriw

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    new here

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Hi Mary,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad you found the site and hope that you find it helpful. You're just in-between the age of my step-son and step-daughter -- much too young to lose a parent. There are people here who will understand, and it's a safe place to get anything off your chest.

    Prayers and wishes needed

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Oh Pat,

    It's so hard to know what someone else needs, as we're all walking our individual paths.

    But when I'm at my lowest and feeling the most "alone" is the time I really need to reach out to those who are still here with me. Sometimes it takes a while to do it, but I think God does his greatest work through other people. Even if that means reaching out to someone you don't know that well yet. A neighbor, someone at church, a close relative, a "not so close" relative you wish you knew better, someone who needs your help, etc. People who have been through so much pain as you have also have the greatest things to give back, and I think that's when you find yourself again.

    Just this week I started in a class/small group called Grief Share. It's a faith-based, nation-wide program. I think it's going to be well worth attending. The web site has many resources, and also allows you to check for groups in your location: http://www.griefshare.org/

    You have so much love and respect from those here -- these dark days will pass. Please let people help you through.

    losing my dad

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    taalia,

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. There are many people here who understand your loss who will want to help you, and can relate to where you are.

    It's been a month

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Will,

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. One month is a very short time. It truly is a "one day at a time" situation. Sometimes it's one hour at a time, especially those first couple months. You wake up and think things are normal again -- if even for that one split second, then the pain of the reality comes sweeping in. And the quiet house -- for the first couple months I had the T.V. on constantly, just for noise. I'd turn it to a show that I knew Bill would like to watch. I don't need to do that anymore. There are no rules to grieving. Much of it depends on our personalities. You're right, you are a different person.

    My best advice -- especially so early on -- is to not have any expectations from yourself. Just do what you need to do each day. Also, to be around people who love you as much as you can. If your dog is anything like mine, she/he is a great comfort too. And talk about your wife as much as you want to. I still talk about (and to) Bill constantly.

    I've noticed as time goes on that some things get better, and other things get more difficult. But they do change. As much as we all hate to be fed cliches, some of them are true. We're not sick, but we are wounded -- as deeply as you can be. Torn in two.

    Please come here as often as you need -- there are people here who understand.

    Hugs,

    Aaron

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Julia,

    I can't even begin to express how deeply sorry I am. You have both shown amazing strength and grace throughout. Aaron had a special place in so many hearts here, with his wonderful attitude and spirit. And so did you. He was truly a "one of a kind" who touched so many. I know my Bill felt the same way. What a sad day.

    I'm so, so sorry.

    Just feel lost

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Hawkeye,

    There are many of us who know the pain and aloneness you are feeling right now. There is a "shock" that occurs for the first several weeks too. Try not to expect too much of yourself during this time.

    If you have things to keep you busy, that's great. This is a time to let other people help you and to seek out other people in your life, as it sounds like you've been doing.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. You will find much support and understanding here.

    This up and down is sickening

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    (((Barb)))

    I understand and I'm sorry for what you're going through. Forgive me if I've said this before, but have you looked into grief groups in your area? It does help, if only to allow you to be in a space for a short time where what you're going through is "normal."

    Things will go up and down, and all over the place. You'll have strong days, and then days that just hit you like a brick. Sometimes phases will last hours, sometimes days, sometimes weeks. It's very unpredictable. I can't say it makes it easier, but just knowing that and not expecting things to be the same from one day to the next has helped me weather some of the worst days.

    Of course that doesn't protect you from the expectations of those around you who have no clue what you're going through. I still have no answer for that one. I still get frustrated with it.

    I went back to work part-time relatively quickly too. In the end, I decided it was too much and that I needed a break. Had it been a different situation, it might have been helpful. But I relate to what you said about learning something new. I couldn't learn anything new or even read more than a paragraph on a page without losing focus for probably 4 or 5 months. Slowly, I noticed it changing. Another "normal" thing.

    It doesn't surprise me that you're hitting an especially tough point, being around the 3 month mark. Hang in there.

    Hugs,

    Need advice desperately

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Hi Michele,

    I haven't really been in this situation. With Bill's parents, it was never an issue (no other relationships occurred). I do agree that your dad seems to have opened the door for you. I would talk about it with your siblings, and decide what items are really important to you. Then I would plan to all talk with your dad together. Particularly since you went through the situation with your husband, and spoke with your dad about that. And since he's talking about downsizing, etc. At least it's out in the open then. He may not know how to deal with it all himself.

    Did your children visit?

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Jill,

    I do think you did the right thing. All any of us can do in those circumstances is our best. I understand what you mean about those moments sneaking up on you, and you just replay them over and over. And somehow everything you did seems wrong! I think that comes from the sense of not being in control of it all.

    Your kids will remember your wonderful mom with your help. Just keep talking about her, showing them pictures, telling them the stories over and over, perhaps make little memory books for them that include your childhood and the time they had with your mom. They'll remember.

    Hugs,

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