bware21

Hey Nick, I wish I was a person of action but I'm not. Thank goodness some poeple are otherwise we'd all be up the creek without a paddle. I don't fall into the early detection category, and I suspect early detection will always elude those few like me who avoid medical facilities like the plague. Keep up the great work. Bill

Jen, Try to remember Connie B's message: "Many MANY people do survive SCLC. I also know a lady who is a 16 year extensive SCLC survivor and she is STILL cancer free and doing very well. This is BEATABLE!" If your Dad's doing well, he's doing well. Don't bother to question it -- it's wasted energy. Enjoy him. Bill

If I say something here that causes distress to anyone please bring it to the attention of a Moderator and request that the post be deleted -- I won't be offended. Same goes for anything else I might post (or have posted in the past). ------------------------------------------- From the moment I found myself in this battle with lung cancer, life as I knew it ended ... poof! Like God reached down, snatched it up and tossed it in the trash can -- no warning, no time to prepare. And from that day to just a couple of days ago I've had a hard time even recognizing myself. The old me effectively ceased to exist. And how have I handled this new life of mine? I have to say, not as well as I'd hoped, but better than I'd feared. I spent a lot of time reading and looking for inspiration, mostly in the realm of ancient history. I wanted to know how people I admired died and what they did, or how they thought, to ensure that they died with dignity. The acceptance of death and empowering myself with the ability to exit this world with dignity became my goals, at the cost of just about everything else. Why is dying with dignity so important to me? I'm sure there's some vanity involved somewhere, but mostly it's because I don't want the cancer to steal everything from me -- it can kill me but it can't destroy me, so to speak. Also, the result will be the same so why put family and friends through the trauma of a pathetic dying process? Bollocks to that. Of course, when you're not in any serious pain it's relatively easy to think you can die with honour. But what about when the body suddenly becomes an unrelenting enemy, inflicting pain like some medieval torturer? Will I become a whimpering coward when that happens? No idea, but the possibility can't be ruled out. I can only hope not. For what it's worth, not all of my heroes died with dignity -- though some did, and my hat's off to them. Anyway, my life over the past four months or so has been utterly consumed with death, death, and more death -- from how to die, when to die and why to die. Within that bubble of self-pity I've experienced feelings and emotions that are quite alien to me. For example, I figured out the other day that throughout my entire life I've cried just three times (for me, crying is defined as shedding more than one tear). I cried once when my father beat the crap out of me. I cried when I left my kids. And I've cried over this. Always in private, like most males, and never for more than a minute or two. Rather silly really, because I always feel much better after a really good sob, albeit momentary. A damn shame we men don't do it more often -- it's good for the body and good for the soul. I've never understood why I didn't cry when my Mother died of cancer, but I didn't -- even though I spent over two weeks at her bedside. When I first came to this Web site I had no intention of writing anything. I thought I'd just cruise around and seek out good news for myself. I found some, but not as much as I'd hoped -- I guess I wanted to discover that everyone was doing just fine and lung cancer was not really any worse than a bad case of the flu. Bit of denial there, I suspect. When I finally wrote something it was for me, as a mechanism to express myself and relieve some of the pressure that was building in my brain. I didn't care if anyone liked what I had to say, or not. It was helping me and that's really all that counted. Then people responded, and for the most part the responses were positive. But who were these people? I started looking more closely at this community, and pretty soon the good news I was looking for started to reveal itself -- not so much in the statistics, but in the spirit of the people themselves. There are so many inspiring stories here that they put my self-pity to shame. I don't help people here with practical information because I don't have any to offer, and even if I did I'd be useless with it. When it comes to the data, I take but give little back. But I do continue to write stuff, and if my "stuff" gives just one spouse a clearer insight into what it is their husband is dealing with then that's a good enough reason to continue. Is what I write self-serving? You bet it is -- but there's more to it than that. And what is it I'm taking from people here? The following post from Connie B is a great example of how a little input can make a huge difference in one's life: "Many MANY people do survive SCLC. I also know a lady who is a 16 year extensive SCLC survivor and she is STILL cancer-free and doing very well. This is BEATABLE!" What more do I need to say? These few words yanked me out of my death trip, and for the first time in months I'm able to see a future for myself again. Will I be lucky enough to survive 16 years? Who knows? What's important here is that someone has. And if just one person in the world has done it that's good enough for me. I think I just got my life back. Bill

Regarding your sister's nausea: Probably dumb of me to say this, but I assume your sister's getting the Zofran before they administer the chemicals? And does she have Zofran and/or Prochlorperazine in pill form for when she's at home? Bill

This is where this post should have been -- duh! By the way, Jen ... me thinks your Dad is going to get through this and come out the other side with something he didn't even know he had -- it'll be a personal vision of his own strength of character, and that'll make him happy inside. Some are luckier than others insofar as they have incredibly powerful support from their family and friends. Me and your Dad are fortunate enough to be in that group. A lot of other people too, but for those less fortunate, thank goodness they have the family that this Web site is built on. Bill -------------------------- And Sheri, At the end of your profile you say, "I know this sounds crazy, but ..." The "crazier" the better, I say. Bill

My previous post was posted in the wrong thread -- my apolgy, Loretta .. but it does still kinda ring true for here also. Really glad you found us, and don't ever not credit yourself for the strength you're showing. You've kept it together and you will continue to keep it together. Bill

By the way, Jen ... me thinks your Dad is going to get through this and come out the other side with something he didn't even know he had -- it'll be a personal vision of his own strength of character, and that'll make him happy inside. Some are luckier than others insofar as they have incredibly powerful support from their family and friends. Me and your Dad are fortunate enough to be in that group. A lot of other people too, but for those less fortunate, thank goodness they have the family that this Web site is built on. Bill

Memory loss isn't a problem for me -- the sooner I forget about all the BS I've been responsible for in my life, the better. Bill

Time zones ... Uh? The country is obviously too big, what can I say? A few months ago someone sent me an email requesting me to attend a meeting. I arrive at the meeting as it's coming to a close. They said, where the hell were you? I said, it's 1PM and I'm on time -- what's your problem? You know what the answer was? It was this: "Nah, you got it wrong. We were talking Mountain Time." "Oh," I said. "Silly me." Yep, the meeting was in Los Angeles. And yep, everyone who attended the meeting lives in the Los Angeles area. And I should worry about a brain tumour? Bill

Sonia, Try to get you Mum out of the house for a few minutes. It will give her the chance to talk with you and feel close to you, and it will make your Dad happy to see it. Seems trite of me to say, but my thoughts are with you during this time of great sadness. Been there, done that ... and it really sucks. On the other hand, this is a time in life that is precious because it unites the family spirit. Bill

By the way, Jen ... you're looking especially YOUNG today. Bill

I'm not even going to tell you what disappeared in my case. All I can say is it was small. Bill

Hey Guys, It wasn't my idea -- I just stole it from someone else who I'd read about years ago. And you can count me in, anytime, anywhere. But someone will have to make it clear to me what time it is on the West Coast, because I have ALWAYS had a problem with this multi-timezone thing -- I get the East Coast/West Coast time difference but I'm an idiot when it comes to Central/Mountain time (are they even the same thing?). Anyway, I'm in ... and thanks for doing this, Jen. I think it's important to get some momentum going, and especially if someone new takes the lead each time. Bill

I could be wrong, but I think "extensive" may well be defined as having cancer cells anywhere in addition to the primary location. I don't think it has to be everywhere. In other words, just one rogue cell can make it extensive. By all means, someone correct me if I'm wrong. Bill

One more thing, Bobby -- if you think your sister might benefit from talking (or moaning) with someone who is going through the same thing, let me know and I'll PM my phone number to you. Sometimes talking to a stranger can help -- unless you're in a Hitchock movie. Bill

Bobby (not sure if you're male or female), What your sister is going through is perfectly normal, and you have to accept the fact that you can do no more than you're doing. If you start questioning yourself it'll just backfire on you and it won't make any difference whatsoever to the practical issues. A couple of weeks ago I was really down about the whole sordid mess. I wouldn't say I'd given up but I wasn't exactly in a fighting mood either. But I got over it as we all do -- and no small thanks to the people here. Seems to me that what your sister is currently going through is absolutely essential to the healing process. Think about it for a moment -- if you were there 24 hours a day trying to ease her pain it probably wouldn't help your sister in the long run, because she needs to reach that healthy emotional place by herself ... and that requires that she go through the ups and downs nomatter what. I have no doubt that you'll see some positive changes in your sister's outlook as she goes through this Twilight Zone process. It'll take a little time, but not too long. Your sister's on her way back you. Just be patient. Bill

Hmmm ... a tad selfish of me to leave Teri penniless. Maybe she'll find it in her heart to forgive me? Bill

Mary, Every time I have chemotherapy I end up dehydrated, without exception. Not to the extent where it causes me serious problems but the dehydration is always a factor for me. I'm pretty sure I could audition for the lead role in Creature from the Black Lagoon and when they look at my skin after chemotherapy I'd get the role, no problem (and I'm not even an actor). Sorry I can't be of more help but I'm really quite useless when it comes to the facts (Teri is my expert with the do's and don'ts and the science).

Hey Guys, Stop with the good news already. I already blew all our savings in Vegas in the anticipation of my death ... now you tell me I might survive this? Huh ... now what do I do? Bill

Judy, It could be that the kids are a little scared and are just avoiding the issue. Then again, you've been responding well to your treatment so maybe you're right and they figure the "danger" is over. Probably a mixture of things. Nice to hear you have a strong contingent of friends around you even if the family is a bit of a mystery at the moment. Keep up the good work with your treatment. Bill

I'm going to get Teri to answer this one later -- she knows more about it than I do. I think Jen's response is more accurate. Bill

I'm no expert, but my understanding is that with extensive SCLC there's no point in giving radiation treatment up front. The best course of action is to go through the chemotherapy and try to knock it out from wherever it is ... and then consult with the radiologist to determine what radiation is most suitable. I think you'll find that the chemotherapy will do a great job of knocking out SCLC. And when your sister has completed her chemotherapy you should certainly consult with a radiologist, regardless of what the oncologist says. That's about as much as I know. If I'm wrong somebody will correct me. Good luck, Bill

Judy, I'm going to need more than a couple of minutes to respond to this, but I have to pop out. Didn't want you thinking I was ignoring you. Will respond shortly. Bill

Hey Guys (Nick C), I did see the light about the profiles/timelines/whatever it's called. Sometimes I've just got to go through a process before I get it. But the information is important, no question. I do think my original concern about it was and is valid and I'm pretty sure it'll come up again at some point in the future -- but it won't be from me. As for cancer, the 21st century in my family has sucked from day one. Too many people in too short a time. Having said that, and regarding everything else, the 21st century is being good to us. I think when the chips are down, on a personal level we humans have a knack of using whatever tools we can get our hands on to pick ourselves up. One of those tools, which I use a lot, is the "comparative" tool, when I take a few moments to figure out how much worse it can be ... and it COULD BE A LOT WORSE. I have a great family who are all healthy and happy (hmmm, did I just suggest they were all over the moon that I have cancer, or am I being too sensitive?). But seriously, nomatter who you are, what you're doing, or what you're dealing with -- it can always be worse than it is ... ALWAYS. Bill

Judy -- well you damn well shouldn't have to face it alone. Did I miss something in your post or am I right when I read that your family have backed off and left you to get on with it? I won't comment until I know. But FYI, you're not alone with this -- nobody is. Bill