Reynsie48

Oh Barb, I so hope that you get that upswing that you need today. Perhaps Bill is just tired, and has lost a bit of his spunk for now, it has got to be quite an adjustment on top of everything else to be away from home, no matter how much the need may be. Maybe once he realizes that you are "on to him" he will get back on track. This has got to be so rough on you, wanting to be in two places at the same time! Wishing and hoping for some good news. Sandy

A Blessed Christmas and Hopeful New Year to you Barb as well, and Bill and your family and to the Lungevity family. What an awesome guy, your Bill, sounds like a "Timex" so to speak! Ambulance chasers.........my goodness, you have to put up with that crap as well as deal with cancer? !! Next it is the Insurance companys advertising over and over and over, they all want your business or I should say your money, but just don't want to actually have to pay out and will put you through whatever necessary to avoid doing that. Next in line are the "Cash for Gold" mentality people, every time you turn on the telli, they know things are rough for so many and want to "help" you out by buying your jewelry and keepsakes for a pittance of what they are worth, hoping to make a fortune off of other people's rough times! Now why can't they all get "cancer" or the equivalent, it would be an eye opener for many of them and give the nice guys a chance to finish first for awhile. Bah Humbug Ebeneezer Reyn

Michelle, Bravo for realizing that you needed help and going out and getting it. That you and Lily and many more have shared your experiences with grief is so very special as although I have not had to go through this, I know it is not only inevitable but a fact of life and that our journey greatens the risk. I can only imagine how difficult this is at any time let alone during a typical time of family celebration. You have my deepest sympathy and my greatest admiration. Sandy

Kim My husband was diagnosed with stage 3A NSCLC in his left upper lung near the pulmonary artery in January of 2007 and didn't start his first chemo and radiation treatment until the 16th of April after multiple tests, broncoscopies and so on. The Doctors were blunt, realistic and to the point without ever completely taking away the feeling of hope but this very site and cancer Grace and all of the super people here supplied all of the hope and experiences that we needed while the Doctors did what they do best. Ron was spared the massive weight loss that so many dealt with and ate pretty much what he felt like throughout his treatment, upping the ice creams and puddings when the radiation to his esophagus affected him the most. His most favourite was when he found cartons of "strawberry milk" and he downed it like nectarine. During and post treatment, our walks would usually involve a soft icecream sunday at the Dairy Queen. He would also get lots of rest, if he was tired, he laid down, if he couldn't sleep he would sit back and relax (with his feet up) as they tended to swell more while he was on the Cisplatin. Our walks would be frequent and short and easy going as he experienced poor balance and neuropathy as well but we did enough to keep his knees limber and his heart working out. He took everything in stride and with dignity while allowing himself to be pushed but only so far. He is almost 64 and it will be three years next month and he is currently NED so please know that anything and everything is possible. Sandy

Barb.... How good that the situation has worked out even if not the way you would have planned but we all know that things happen for a reason and perhaps this is meant to give both you and Bill a peaceful and safe Christmas. What a good thing to have all of the family around and nearby to facilitate the change and still keep up the Christmas spirit. Wouldn't it be just wonderful if Bill came home in a month not only as he was pre-fall but better and that they managed to figure out a way to improve his neck and shoulder situation.....you never know. Know this is for the best and the gift to you whether you had it wrapped or not, is time to heal your wounded hand and maybe see the Doctor for yourself and get some probably badly needed attention knowing how well Bill will be looked after. Bill sounds like my husband and after getting used to the initial change will take it in stride as he seems to have throughout his journey. What a couple you two are, I admire how you both adjust to what life hands out both good and bad. Blessed Christmas to your family. Sandy

I am so very deeply sorry for your loss. Sandy

I am so glad that Bill is holding his own. Working in a hospital, I know that they tend to do everything possible to get people at home with their families at Christmas and if that is not possible, then the hospital is definitely where they should be. It may not be the idea that you or Bill had for Christmas but I would gladly spend the day in his hospital room with medical help close by if professionals thought it was necessary. What a plus on the private room, you could hold a small family Christmas get together in that. Hopefully though, that won't be the case and he will be home....a lot can change in five days. Isn't it a shame though that no one knew for sure if Bill had breakfast or not.........it sure would make me want him at home! Don't forget to take some extra time for yourself while you can as well, what with the worry and the season, your own health wouldn't want to come in question. Sandy

((((((Barb)))))) Please hang in there and keep on keeping on, lonely or not, it is what makes you so special to not only Bill but to all of us. As my counselor would say.......the feet first out the door could come at any time really with or without the cancer journey and you might never have had the chance to see it coming whereas with Bill, I can only imagine how close this monster of a disease has brought the two of you and there are many quality moments you may never have been able to share otherwise. I will hope that this is a short visit for Bill to the hospital and that he is able to come home and spend a quiet Christmas with you and your family. It is good to hear that he was eating as you have said so often, that is what Bill does ha ha!

I miss my brother-in-law Frank who's bowel cancer came back in his bones with a vengeance. He was a classy gentleman who fought his battle with dignity right to the end and never gave up. I miss my sister Liz who passed last year from Multiple Myleoma just 2 hours after my Husband's 62 birthday. She was a much loved Wife, Mother, grandmother and sister who fought her battle for 1 1/2 years. But most of all I miss the carefree feeling of all of the tomorrows that I never questioned were there but realized that sooner or later it was a lesson I would have to learn, I just wish life hadn't initiated that fact with a sledge hammer. I do know that I have developed new values to a life that I so easily took for granted, and try to remember each smile, caress, bout of laughter and more, and also try to ignore that nagging little worry about what tomorrow may bring. I have and do follow so many people on this site that show me glimpses of the great depths and highs that human love can go through and people can survive and realize that I am so fortunate that Ron is approaching his third full year of survivorship and that I have much to be thankful for as well. Sandy

My older sister Winn, lost her husband to recurrent bowel cancer in 2000 and joined a group called "Friends In Grief" and I believe that without the super people in this organization we would have "lost" our Winn. Wonder of wonders, at Friend in Grief, she met a man 15 years her senior who lost his wife to lung cancer after she chose to go with alternative treatment. Both of these people lost their long term beloved partners through no fault of their own and after some years, fell in love and married two years ago. They have decided that although neither of them know how many years they have left, they are going to spend them together. They honour their beloved past mates regularly and talk about them often, and still to this day attend their Friends in Grief meetings as they both have made so many long term friends there and wish to contribute in any way possible to maintaining a group that gave them so much. Our family looks to Win and Vince as examples that two very lonely, very distraught, very loving people, can not only survive such dehabilitating grief but actually love and be happy again although in a different way and we have nothing but admiration for what they have achieved, it was a very deep hole to crawl out of. I truly believe that there is happiness out there for you and for Lily, in one form or another, and just involves giving life a chance. Even though there are many many morons out there, there are just as many decent human beings....... And on the side of humour, I and my husband both, work in a "nut house" and yes they do have "internet access" loll, and daily experience so very many people fighting (although a different fight), the fight of their life and often winning! Sandy

My husband Ron was diagnosed with stage 3A Squamous NSCLC on Valentines day in 2007, the mass was found by accident on January 30 so he is coming up to almost 33 months. He has been no evidence of recurrent disease since December of 2008 and has chest x-rays every 12 weeks and no further CT Scans unless symptoms develope. Ron was also the second person to be enrolled in the phase 3 Stimuvax Trial @ the Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton Ontario and is in the maintanance end of the trial, vaccines every 6 weeks indefinately until progression. Unfortunately last Wednesday during a check-up at the Centre and his vaccine day, they discovered a "lump" over his upper left front rib cage and we will be heading back there shortly this afternoon for an Ultra Sound and needle guided biopsy, so it is scanxiety again unexpectedly as this is also the side of his original cancer, the upper left lung close to the pulmonary artery. Otherwise he has been back to work full time since June of last year although he tires easily and is of course short of breath due to the radiation fibrosis. He takes extra days off and copes the best that he can but I think he is gradually looking more forward to retirement and pension on a daily basis and unfortunately has our health benefits. I am typically a lurker and still receive a lot of encouragement from my daily readings on this site, although as of late, a lot of heart ache as well. This disease has changed our lives forever, a lot of ways good but not all! Sandy in Guelph Ontario.

My husband Ron, was having constant mild aching pain in his right upper arm and shoulder and both knees and because the pain in his shoulder was unfamiliar, we did indeed ask our GP to check it out (much better than worrying) and we would rather know up front than take any chances. Xrays came back Osteoarthritis in his rotator cuff and both knees. You don't want to worry for nothing but you don't want to take any chances either when it is treatable. Sandy

Ron reported to the Juravinski Cancer Clinic in Hamilton Ontario Tuesday morning Dec 03/08. After having his usual blood work and a chest x-ray, we set off to get his vaccine and then to see his Oncologist and Lead Investigator for the Phase 111 Stimuvax Start Trial. We were told that after viewing the blood work results and the chest x-ray, that there were no changes! I recalled that after Ron's last CT Scan and chest x-ray, we were told that there had been minimal shrinkage again of the original tumour to less than half of an inch and that is was un-measurable with the chest x-ray, so that no change would be a very good thing. Dr. Ellis said that Ron had been in the Trial for 16 months and with himself as Oncologist for 19 months and that at this stage, Ron obviously has fibrosis and scarring in his lung which would make it very difficult any more to tell what may be original tumour or just scar tissue and that he felt that it would no longer be necessary to do CT Scans. Judging from Ron's results, from here on out, they will go with chest x-rays, unless Ron were to notify his Doctor or Oncologist of any new symptoms or problems developing. Ron asked how long can he continue to receive the vaccine and Dr. Ellis stated that he is aware of one man who has been on the vaccine for five years and continues on, and the Nurse that administers the vaccine said that there is a woman who has been receiving the vaccine for three and a half years (both from the phase 11 trial). No word mentioned what so ever about "cure" or "NED" and we are fine with this as they are only words. Evidence shows he is doing well, and he feels over all good discounting obvious signs of age ha ha and aches and pains from arthritis not helped by the weight gain. He is back to work full time but does find that he gets much more tired easily, and the days of work long and full even though he loves his job. He would love to slow down I think but the good health care benefits are in his name and attached to his job. So for now we are taking this as a great finish to the old year and a new outlook on the New Year and will go from there. There is still "HOPE" as Ron started out as "locally advanced and inoperable", " six to eight months without treatment and 12 to 18 months with treatment " almost two years ago with this as his New Years "Gift" of 2007!

This is about Ron and his hair loss of course, but actually he was reversed from you. Ron had curly hair as a young guy and wavy as he aged, but always very thick and course. He also does not have a vain bone in his body but the day he realized he would be best to go and have his head shaved seemed to be a difficult day for him. I think, and I am only guessing as it is still not something he talks or dwells a lot about, but it was one more thing to deal with, over and above the constant skin problems, crashing after steroids, not smoking, being off of work, the weight gain and so on and so on. We bought a Chevy cap and he wore it until the first time that he took it off in a restaurant and no one even glanced his way as for many, this is a chosen hair style. After that, he rarely wore the hat. I thought it emphasized his big beautiful blue eyes but hey, that's just me. When his hair started to grow in, his hair came in pure white, very staight, very thin and so soft and fine and I really liked it, a very gentle look. I think he actually enjoyed having to go and get it trimmed the first time, not so much for the look as what it meant. The more time passed, the thicker and wavier it got, the more dark ash blond and grey mixture it became. For years because of the "ash" blonde, you couldn't even see grey except in natural light, so the pure white was very different. Now he is back to having to go and get it trimmed and thinned on a regular basis.....I am jealous. On the other hand, I was blessed with parents who both passed on baby fine, thin, lifeless hair, and since I was treated for graves disease and had the radio active cocktails etc, my hair tends to thin out regularly and I don't have much to start with, and add any stress whatsoever to that and it falls out in the sink. When we stayed at the lodge during Ron's treatments, he took a picture of me outside where the sun glared off of my head, blindingly so! I looked more like I was in treatment that Ron did as men can also choose to be bald. At first, many people encouraged him to keep his head shaved as it "suited" him but now I know I would not want to see him that way again as to me it would mean he is in the fighting mode again and I would not wish that on any one regardless of the outcome. And......yes it does wonders for my heart and soul to see him look "normal" for however how long. Unfortunately with the hair and the skin issues continuing, the dry skin and dandruff although not life threatening, is a constant issue and resistant to much of what used to work. So I have not been where you are but I can feel for you oh so much and wish so badly that this disease finally lets up and lets you get back to having that normal life again with your young family. As so many say, NO ONE deserves this! Sincerely Sandy