Hi everyone - I have been a member of this board since my dad was diagnosised with lung cancer in Oct 2002. My mom has posted much more then I have (Rosanne) but I have visited the site almost everyday. At first we needed this board to learn about this terrible disease and to talk through all the problems my dad was going through with chemo, doctors, side affect, ect. Since he passed in July 2003 we have used this board to find comfort and inspiration. The reason I decided to write tonight is because of something that I am struggling with. I thought that as time went on the loss of my dad would get easier but I am finding the opposite to be true. My mom said something to me tonight that I am finding to be very true, she said, one of the hardest parts about grieving is to think about all the "what could have beens" I keep finding myself thinking of these things: how he will never know his grandchildren, how he will never be able to have a healthy retirement, how he will never be able to visit his home country of Italy again and it makes me really sad and angry I was wondering if anyone else has felt this way. I went to another funeral of someone that passed away of lung cancer tonight (this is the 4th person I have know in the past 3 years that have died of lung cancer) and I think it just got to me. Thanks for listening!