cindi o'h

Hi Melanie--Momma You sure do have your hands full...goodness. But you know somehow everything will work out....somehow. It always does. Those kids are pretty lucky to have you for their mom. Hang in there and do the best you can and that is good enough. Glad you are here. cindi o'h

Don, your reply to Franks's joke was funnier than Frank's joke....I got a good laugh...

With me, I already had lost two young brothers to lung Ca. When I learned I had lung Ca, that was pretty scary for me. My sisters and close friends were in the pt. waiting area while I was having the mediastinoscopy and potential pneumonectomy (NOT). It was a good friend who came in to my face when I had awakened and said that the doctor was not able to remove my lung. I cried for the first time. Apparently, the surgeon was drilled by my sisters and forced to answer questions. He told them that I would not see 5 years. They did not reveal this to me, however. Which was fine. They told me instead that he was very hopeful about treatments. You see, they know me better than the doctors do. I did have an oncologist who came to my hospital room who I just remember as rather "cold". I was given his business card. I did request my records and he bluntly admitted in his notes that there was not much hope of survival. (I am glad I had the instinct right away NOT to pursue this doctor) At my first onco. app't with the chosen doc, I was as nervous as he was. I needed to make some big decisions. So I asked him if my $$ would be better spent on a sunny, beautiful island and some margaritas or on some nasty chemo. I said, "If you were me, what would YOU do?" He said he would go for the treatment..."most people don't survive this stage and type of cancer, but SOME do." Right then and there I knew in my gutt that I was going to be a part of that SOME. I sensed strongly throughout my treatment and office visits that he did not have the confidence in me that I had in myself. (I am a toughie) That relationship never did take hold and was toxic. I did appreciate his quote to me, however, and that statement gave me the ability to make up my competative mind that I was going to get through this. I am not saying that it wasn't scary, and that it still isn't scary. I am saying that MOST of me believes that in five years, that I will have a smirk on my face. My 37 yo brother was given a 5% chance of survival. He made it to six months. My 42 yo brother was told by a PA to get his affairs in order. Up until that time he was very happy and tolerating every procedure emotionally well. When she told him this, he then became depressed and died 3 weeks later. He died very sad and very scared. With my 37 yo brother, his siblings were his next of kin. At dx, he was so ill, intubated, and almost in a coma. We needed to make decisions as a group on his behalf. The doctors told us that he would not make it very long but they wanted to give him treatment to give him just a little more time. At that time, he was so very ill, that I just wanted to let him go....I am glad that we decided on treatment. Those last four months of his life, I would not trade for anything. And he was happy, very happy too. The nurses absolutely loved him. And he proposed marriage to countless nurses...(he was so funny). The onco. advised us not to tell him his prognosis unless he asked. He never did ask. The onco. told us that if he wanted to know and if he were ready to hear the answer, then he would ask and then we should tell him, but not until. This onco. was a wise man in his early thirties. Hope all of these notes from everyone helps you. I have read so many of everyone's experiences, that it helps me also. Good question. Thank you. Cindi o'h

Hi James, I am glad that you are here. This is a time for no one to be alone. It is very normal to be scared. It is a good thing to talk about your fears if you can. Cry. Find your good friends and talk and get some good hugs. Breathe deeply and often. You can get through this. And you can be a big help to your mom and your little sister. Your sister needs to be with her best friends now too. A sleepover would probably be good for her. I can tell you are a very courageous young man. You can do this, but it best not to do it alone. Bless you and your Mom. Cindi o'h

well hello courageous one.... I am so glad that you posted. I am also glad that you are reaching out for help. It is so easy to stay in denial. One of my brothers also had SCLC. I have NSCLC. My brother did not want to know his prognosis. However, he was so very, very sick at his diagnosis. He never did ask and the doctor told us, his siblings, that he should not be told until he asked. He never did ask, so we never told him. Which was a good thing. There was a PA who decided to "Pop" it to him and warn him to get his affairs in order. He suddenly became very sad, depressed and despondent. I was pretty angry at her for doing that. Your mom sounds like she is taking as good of care of herself as she can. I agree that we all have THIS day. This day is the gift. What the future holds for any of us, only God knows. It is very scary and challenging to watch someone we love be sick and scary not to know if we will have them with us for another day. I admire your love for your mom and your willingness to be closer to her. Just love the dickens out of her. I am one in the belief that this time can be one of the best for a dedicated family member. My dad said that the two most important times in a persons life are birth and death. They are both so very spiritual. It was a gift for me to be a part of my brother's journey to death. I was able to be a part of something that was huger than me. I was able to hold his hand and scratch him and love him up. And he let me. He liked it when I cried with him. He said that it made him know that I loved him. I am so happy to have the memories of loading him and his oxygen tanks in my car for afternoons of fishing. Those times spent with him and the giving I gave, I got back ten fold. Cherish your Mom and know that this journey is just that....stay in touch. We all need someone to rely on. That is a fact. Cindi O'H

I haven't read anything from anyone re: this subject. I am wondering if anyone has any experience with selling your life insurance policy. It is my understanding that there is a way to collect on a percentage of the face value of your life insurance policy so that you can use the $$ while you are still living. I applied with one company, but was turned down....I am 22 months out from dx and the chances of my imminent death have decreased, they say with time. They say according to their MD's who did the underwriting that I have a 20-40% chance of surviving to five years. Anyway, I plan to apply with other companies. But, I have read where some companies are unethical and to watch out for them. But I don't know what to watch out for. Anyone with any experience here? I don't have any post mortem obligations, but I have plenty of living obligations. Thank you all. Cindi O'H Stage lllb 11/02. NSCLC

I haven't read anything from anyone re: this subject. I am wondering if anyone has any experience with selling your life insurance policy. It is my understanding that there is a way to collect on a percentage of the face value of your life insurance policy so that you can use the $$ while you are still living. I applied with one company, but was turned down....I am 22 months out from dx and the chances of my imminent death have decreased, they say with time. They say according to their MD's who did the underwriting that I have a 20-40% chance of surviving to five years. Anyway, I plan to apply with other companies. But, I have read where some companies are unethical and to watch out for them. But I don't know what to watch out for. Anyone with any experience here? I don't have any post mortem obligations, but I have plenty of living obligations. Thank you all. Cindi O'H Stage lllb 11/02. NSCLC

Elaine noticed I was on the board and encouraged me to post an update, so here goes.... I am doing well, cancer-wise. Doctor says all that is left of this stage lllb is seemingly scar tissue on my poor lung!!! He says that my treatment has been remarkable and that I handled the aggessive chemo and rad remarkably well. Oh yes. I am still nervous about recurrence. I would say it is not "a done deal"....but the future will determine that. I am 22 months out from diagnosis, so I am doing well. I just have other health issues to get straightenend out now. I am stuggling with high rheumatoid factors, sed rates, thyroid, infections, asthma, and pneumonitis....plus I have gained about fifty pounds since cancer treatment began, so I am carrying around this big ole wash tub where my a** should be!! Better a washtub than active LC.... God bless every single one of you and thanking all of you and all of the world who have said their prayers and mentioned my name. Cindi

Oh my gosh You all are so wonderful. I am glad that I found you!! It is a miserable place... to be misunderstood...but, here i can find understanding and compassion...the same I have for you. Many blessings And I hope to get to know you all better... love, Cindi O'H my blood is green; Happy St. Pat's