Addie
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Welcome, Tina. None of us wants to be here...but we all are grateful for the help and support and care provided here.
So glad to hear your hubby is responding well to treatment and hope he continues to do so! Keep us posted!
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Thanks so much for the update, Ry. I'm so glad you finally heard something!!
Poor Mo...I'll bet she's chomping to get out of there herself....but I do hope she's getting that much needed rest and that when she does come home she's feeling 120% better and is pain free!
We miss you Mo....miss your good cheer and wisdom...so hurry back and most important, feel better!!
(Peggy....another limerick writer?? It's one of my 'bad habits'!
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It sounds like you're getting a much better handle on what is always such emotional news. I'm glad. The fact that you communicated with your SIL and were able to encourage her to have hope will be enormously helpful for all of you.
You mentioned "oat" and oat cell is another name for small cell lung cancer....but it is usually only staged as limited or extensive. If it is only in the lymph nodes in his chest...it's possible this is limited stage. Has he had tests aside from the brain to try to determine this? If your SIL said it's almost the worst you can have....it may be that there are mets outside of the chest...but perhaps she thinks it's the worst because small cell is an aggressive cancer. The thing to remember though...is that because it is aggressive, it also is very responsive to chemo and radiation!!
Just keep reminding her AND yourself that no situation is without hope! A strong, positive and hopeful attitude is great medicine and I believe it even helps one cope better with treatment, so I hope your brother finds and hangs on to some real hope as well. You've got to enjoy the good days in order to offset the days that aren't so good. Living with cancer doesn't mean it's the ONLY thing in life. It's just a part of the overall and it's really important, I think, to try to remember that and enjoy all the other aspects of life as much as possible.
Good luck...and do keep us posted. I'm glad things seem a little less panicky right now and you'll be able to find lots of good information here that will also be helpful to your brother and SIL.
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Peggy...
My onc opted to put me on carboplatin instead of cisplatin because he said cisplatin can be harder on the kidneys. I offer that info up...because I haven't seen anyone else mention it yet...and perhaps it's something you want to ask the doctor about.
Best wishes....I know these must be tough decisions.
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Oh Shelly.....I'm so sorry. You, Dad and your family are in my prayers at this difficult, difficult time.
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I wish I had more to offer you than simply my prayers....but you certainly have those. I think others have offered you some very sane and reasonable words to consider. Whenever and wherever there is still hope....I would alway opt in favor of that hope. If your husband is responding to you with smiles and squeezes of the hand...and you are unsure of his feelings re: the ventilator....can you ask him? I know it would be a difficult topic...but whether or not the doctor feels your hubby wouldn't want to remain on a ventilator isn't as important as you being sure how your husband feels about it.
I'm so sorry you are having to face this most difficult of times...but I am glad you came here as you will find much loving support and many prayers for you both.
I'll be thinking of you.....
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Oh, you may be lucky Gail...but I'd still say you stand as an inspiration too!
Congrats! And I know you'll be sitting mighty proud in two weeks watching your son graduate, that long ago question having been answered some time ago.
I imagine there will be more than one face lit up on graduation night. Such a neat time in a young person's life. Enjoy every moment!!
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I imagine it must feel something like getting that original dx, when one has been so optimistic and then gets hit with news like this.
I wish there were some way to just wave away the anger and the shock of those possibilities that your hubby was too optimistic to even consider before. Would that it was so easy.
I'm glad the article on Celebrex has provided a break in the mood...and I'm sending up a prayer that renewed hope will keep the temperature down in your house and keep you both moving ahead with strength, purpose, hope and determination.
Many, many others have overcome setbacks already. I'm sending all my positive thoughts that this setback for you will be overcome as well. Prayers will continue....and I'll be thinking of you both.
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Hoping you find lots to keep you busy and distract you until the tests and then results are back. Sending out a strong prayer for another "all clear"!
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Having a reason to account for the pain is better than the not knowing, I'm sure. With the way you two approach things as a strong team, I'm betting Lucie will get thru treatment just fine.
Sending a prayer for her to be pain free asap!
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And you know the best part too, don't you, Peggy? When you're Avis you've got to try harder, right?
Well...when you're #3, you don't have to try anymore at all!!
It's not really true....but when hubby and I were engaged...I came across an apron that said, "I'm #3. I don't even have to try anymore!!" I burst out laughing and asked him if I could buy it! He smiled and said, "Sure". I think it's still buried around here somewhere...I haven't worn it in years. But believe me....it's forever imprinted on my brain anyway as being just too perfect for our situation!
People used to say that with his "track record", we were probably doomed. Hah on them....we just hit 33 years and are still counting. I beat his old "record" tenfold!
It also makes him smile that I teasingly refer to him as "my first husband".
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Bumping this back up and waiting for word too! Prayers are with you, Mo!!
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Awwwww.....welcome to the world, little one. And congrats to Grampy and Grammy!
Sounds like you have a full weekend ahead and lots to celebrate, Becky....so enjoy and plant a gentle kiss on that sweet new little boy's head for me!
About the ex? (Got a couple of those myself. I guess you could say it goes Hertz, Avis and then Addie....cuz I'm #3!!
) well...you're the "current" and anyway, it should all be about the new little one and his parents, right? Hope all the joy for the new arrival takes precedence! -
Janet...
I came looking for this post, after seeing your other post where you were so disappointed in the lack of replies to this one. I am fairly new here myself....but I do know that weekends and other times can be quiet around here when people are busy with their real lives. Please don't feel like you were being ignored. As I said....I'm new here too...have just been around about 3 weeks....and the depth of caring here is beyond belief.
Now...to address your questions: you know your own fear and emotions over your brother right now....so I'm sure you can imagine how HE feels with the news he's been handed. It's likely what you are feeling, and then magnified.
I don't think it's unusual for some people to close themselves off until they can absorb such news....and this may be what your brother is doing.
It's neither right nor wrong of him....it's just how it is....how he chooses to cope at this moment.
As for what you should do....I don't know that I can offer any advice other than to follow your heart and try not to presume how it will go if you do decide to go see him. Try to just let it happen or evolve as it will....because what will matter to you later on, is that you did follow your heart.
Nobody here could guess at the specifics of his diagnosis...and it's possible that he might still be getting tests to determine all that.
I will keep you and your brother in my prayers....and hope that you find a way to calm your fears a little and get some real info....plus be able to communicate in some way with your brother. Again....follow your heart on all of this...it's as good a guide as any of us get sometimes.
Best wishes and keep us posted...please.
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Don....how did you get so wise?
I love the way you say things! -
No one can fault you for needing some time to absorb such news, Peggy. Not that anyone here would, anyway....
But I keep thinking of your user name and why you chose it....and I know, despite the news you just received....that you WILL continue to stand for hope.
And we will be standing right there with you! Guaranteed!
I'm glad you were out with family tonight....and gladder still that hubby was willing to go. In the face of bad news....it often helps to be with loved ones and find some time away from what is running thru our heads.
Keeping you both in my continuing prayers....and throwing in a few extra...just because.
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She sounds wonderful, and she's hoping that she will be released to go home Sunday
That makes me smile.
I'm so glad she sounded good...and will continue to send prayers for a speedy homecoming and recovery. -
Elaine....my "boys" are 30 and 25 and my husband's son is 41....so yeah, I DO have a few years on you!!
I'll be 58 in a few months. My youngest...for a while...picked up the habit of having 2-3 cigarettes if he was out for a night of partying with the guys. I was pretty shocked when I realized he was doing this...but he stopped about a year ago and he never smoked otherwise. For a while, it seemed to go along with the beer for him...I guess. 
Now...I want to say to you....do NOT be ashamed of envying others their years....but remember too, that you're still here! And as long as you are...YOU provide hope to others that you may not even be aware of....maybe others younger than you. All the emotions we have are God given. Some, of course, we try to minimize....but to envy or covet what someone else has isn't inherently shameful and, in fact, is human nature! Cut yourself a break on these feelings...as they are quite normal under the circumstances and clearly not the way you feel ALL the time!
As for my confidence in beating this cancer...well, obviously NONE of us have any guarantees. Heck...cancer aside....that dang beer truck of Becky's could get all of us...huh?
But I know that I was fortunate that this was caught when it was...and quite honestly, after some of what I've lived thru over the past 30-some years.....well, it's just my nature to take on something like this with a positive attitude and to focus on educating myself as much as possible.
The unknown terrifies me much more than the known....so when I'm feeling a little shaky.....I either take a "time out" and distract myself with something else entirely OR I focus on researching, getting information and writing down the questions I will later ask the doctors! Attacking things this way, gives me a focus....a purpose...and makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING and not being passive about having cancer. It's what works for me.
If there comes a time that it doesn't work for me to be this way...then I'll try to figure out something else. I think that's what we all do, in some sense. Just try to find a way to keep putting one foot ahead of the other, keeping the fear at bay and hoping for the best. Most of the time, we still have choices and of course, we all have each other here too.
I genuinely hope that by sharing all the feelings you have, Elaine....that when you wake up tomorrow...things seem brighter...more hopeful than fearful. I hope you feel more like the real you....the you that you are most comfy with. And I hope too, that you will find comfort and strength in knowing that so many here are reaching out a hand and want to listen and help, if possible.
Remember too...that having cancer doesn't have to change everything. There still are reasons to laugh, enjoy your kids, do normal things....so indulge yourself in some of that. Any life needs some balance. Maybe those with cancer need it a bit more.....eh? Seize as many "normal" moments as you can and laugh as often as you can.
And when you need a hand.....just reach out.
I'll be thinking of you...
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A quick P.S. on having feelings we're not proud of:
There is this guy we know from our golf club who is 80. He's got a great sense of humor but otherwise is sort of a user of others. He drinks a lot...and can often be very nasty when drunk. He's been telling everyone about my cancer. And I mean everyone! I knew once word sort of got out...that when HE found out, it would be like a billboard in Times Square.
And it's okay that people know...that's not what has me so irked at him I could spit. What's NOT okay and what is causing me some less than kind thoughts....is that in the last week....he's seen my husband no less than 5 times and HAS NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED ANYTHING to my hubby. Hasn't said, "Tough break" or "I'm thinking of you" or "How is she?"......nothing.
Yet he's running around with the juiciest bit of news to hit that place in a while....and is telling EVERYONE......and Elaine.....he's had 80 years to become an insensitive jerk and a mean drunk! Somehow that doesn't quite seem right.
See....I have some thoughts too that I'm not proud of.
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As I've said already....I'm just a few steps into this journey....so maybe I have no right to even TRY to relate to how it feels to some of you who are much further down the road. But.....that probably won't stop me from trying!
I've buried most of my family. Aside from my hubby and kids and my in-laws....there is only a sister who's been estranged from the family for 20 years.
So....I've got quite a bit of experience with being the one left behind and how to deal with grief. I lost my father when I was 27, just 8 days away from giving birth to my first child....and let me tell you, there is NO good way to prepare even an adult child for the possibility of losing a parent. No matter what....it hurts and it shocks and it causes pain and loss. Pain is part of life and if WE can't avoid it....neither can we fully protect our kids or other loved ones from it.
Maybe the best any of us can do is show them and tell them how much we love them....and let THEM say what they need to say to us. I don't think it's ever easy discussing one's mortality with loved ones....but I do know that when my mother was undergoing treatment and finally got to where she could acknowledge that she wasn't going to beat her colon cancer....that it allowed a much more open, honest dialogue between us, about virtually everything.
Prior to that, I had stuffed a lot of what I wanted to say....NEEDED to say to her....because she had been a bit of an ostrich up to that point. She wasn't ready to take it all in....just how advanced or serious her cancer was. And so I waited.....until she she had taken it in, and then we had some very loving, very important conversations. I treasure being able to have talked to her that openly.....that genuinely. She told me her wishes.....and I was able to address things I wanted to be extra sure SHE knew. And while it was hard waiting until I felt Mom was ready to have those discussions.....it was necessary. My mom was one of my best friends. I lost her Christmas Eve l985 and miss her still.
Betweeen l994 and l998....I lost three aunts, my only American male cousin (who was virtually like a brother to me), a sister and three extended family members! I barely had time to breathe between the losses. But not one of them died not knowing what was in my heart....and I believe to this day, thru all the losses....that it's the one thing that has saved me from regrets. I let them all know what was in my true heart.
At this point in time....I have the positive attitude of a survivor with every intention of curing this cancer. Until there is some strong evidence that that's not going to happen....I have told everyone NOT to cry any tears for me. To simply send me positive thoughts.....mental "hard hats" to fight this beast. That might not work for everyone...but it's what feels right to me for now.
But I still intend, at some point, to have a more honest discussion with my two sons. My oldest tends to avoid such "maudlin" stuff, as he calls it. Whenever I mention anything about "someday when I'm not around"....he sort of avoids the topic and I always have backed off.
Maybe I won't back off anymore......and maybe, Elaine, it's something for you to think about in terms of your kids, too...and trying to protect them. They may well be trying to protect you, too.....and what gets accomplished if everyone is sort of tiptoeing around what is on their minds?
My oncologist said something to me today that applies here too, I think. He said, "Sometimes people really want to help or do something for you...but they don't quite know what it could be. If there is some way you can allow them to help...giving you a ride, shopping for you, whatever....it makes them feel good too, as if they are contributing something to your well being".
Makes sense even when applied to our kids, our spouses, our other family...AND perhaps even to the gift of truth.
I think it's Dr. Phil you says, "You gotta name it to claim it". Well I'll go him one better and say, "You gotta claim it to stop the fear, or at least ease the fear!"
Putting some words to some of the dark thoughts or feelings may just help. You've put some of them down here.....and the burden of them is already shared and will continue to be for as long as you want to keep putting the words down. That's part of what we are all here for.
Youve made ME think about things that might otherwise have taken me months to get to. This is helpful, Elaine. I hope that for both you and Dave...there will be some comfort, some answers, some ideas in all the thoughts others are contributing here....that will help you....that will ease things a little....let a little more light into the darkness.
One thing I did tell both my sons.....is to expect a wide range of emotions and even some anger.....perhaps anger at me. I smoked. Their father smoked. Neither of my sons smokes......do I get kudos for that?
How two smokers managed to raise two NON smokers is almost a miracle in itself....but I figure I redeemed myself somehow with this little feat!But...I don't want them having angry feelings and then feeling guilty about it. I told them....I'm actually a little p.o.'d at MYSELF....because I knew a long time ago I should quit!
I'm being as honest as I can with them so far. I haven't yet had a lot of real fear....I think, in part, because I flip-flopped it over into having a purpose......fighting this thing, educating myself, staying positive, staying as healthy as possible otherwise, getting enough rest, eating right.
At the moment, I'm trying to keep myself too busy to be too fearful.
We'll all walk this journey in our own way. But coming here....means that no matter what....there are others out there at all hours of the day or night...who'll walk with us for a while, and make us feel not so alone....not so scared....not so much in the dark.
That's a huge help all by itself....and a major ray of light in an otherwise dark disease. Hanging on to that....seems very smart to me.
I'm so glad this place is here!
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Elaine...again, I'm going to try to see if I'm "getting" what it is you are putting out here. I think you are expressing feelings that any of us COULD feel....and that's why it seems very important to me to try to understand....to get a handle on what it is you're trying to express. I do, at the very least, know how difficult it is sometimes to put emotions into words....especially when they feel all jumbled up inside.
I know I've already sort of put up the brave front at times, for my husband, kids and best friend....probably seeming more "normal" or strong than I felt at the time. So I can relate to that sense of being other than how we really feel inside, for the sake of those we love.
And at other times, if someone has complained about this or that....some minor gripe or complaint....I think to myself, "What does it matter? Why is something like that so important to you?" Whether or not the person complaining even KNOWS about my cancer doesn't seem to matter....I just find myself being irked that "anything less than a cancer dx" would bug them so much....you know? (Okay, that was an exaggeration....that "anything less than...", but I'm sure you know what I mean. One's priorities are different when cancer is a part of the picture.)
I think the fear is a part of this disease that is very hard to make go away completely. Some fear is always going to be there...just like any other difficult experience in life often leaves a residue of fear in our hearts.
And sometimes the only way to get past such emotion....is to work our way THRU it. Allow yourself to feel the fear....fully, perhaps....for a limited time. Then go distract yourself with.....LIFE. With something positive. Sometimes allowing ourselves to really feel what we feel, helps us get beyond it....rather than trying to stuff it or hide it or put on the brave front or be some way OTHER than what we truly feel at that moment.
I don't know if anything I'm saying really reflects what YOU are trying to tell us about how you feel. Or maybe I just am not expressing myself well. But I truly WANT to understand your feelings....as I'm sure others do....because this place is all about helping each other...leaning on each other. And you've shared this....which gives us a chance to help...or support...or maybe take away some of the fear and give you a greater feeling of strength.
I have to cut this short...have an apptmt with my onc doc. But I will be back later. I think this is such an important discussion.....
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Thank you, Hebbie!! You know, I keep telling myself that I'm going to BE a survivor.
But how much better is it to know that I ALREADY AM? Every single day I wake up now....I have survived cancer another day. That is a positive way to look at it and to feel about it.
I printed out this thread....and will check into the links as well. Thank you!!
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Welcome, Don....
It sounds like your mom has a great advocate (and son) in you! I too, am sorry you have to be here. I'm sorry ANY of us have to be here....but the fact is, this is a wonderful place to find support, caring, information and advice.
Prayers for your mom and you, and please keep us posted on how she is doing.
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Congratulations....and I too hope this is the last you ever need to see of any ports.....unless it's a case of arriving at one on a cruise ship!
Enjoy the day....I'm sure you will!!
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Ah, Peggy....hope you got a good night's sleep...and I'm chuckling here over the full disclosure requirement....but perhaps it's a really good idea. How can we know exactly how to structure our prayers...if we don't have all the details...eh?
I'll be looking for your report....but know that the prayers are still coming....even if they're not yet specific to your needs.
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) well...you're the "current" and anyway, it should all be about the new little one and his parents, right? Hope all the joy for the new arrival takes precedence! 
I'm so glad she sounded good...and will continue to send prayers for a speedy homecoming and recovery.
CT scan and bone scan this Monday and Tuesday
in MEMBER UPDATES
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Prayers going out for good results and a simple explanation and remedy for his stomach pain. Will be thinking of you....so please let us know!