[WRONG FREAKING DIAGNOSIS]

Best therapy in the world......dog kisses! I have to put a picture of mine in my avatar. I've got two....a chocolate male and a vanilla female!! Two mutts rescued from the pound.

Maybe it was time you cried. It IS a release and sometimes we need that. The only way to get beyond such emotion is to move THROUGH it....not try to suppress it OR move around it.....but THROUGH it. Feel it fully....so that you can then move forward.

I hope your tears washed away some of the frustration and fear and got you back on track and in fighting form. You're smart...you're in charge of your own health, involved....not just a passive participant. So...now you've got new information and you've cleared your head a bit, cried a few tears, gotten a wonderful face wash and it's time to go back on the attack again....advocating for yourself, asking the right questions....working towards kicking this nasty thing to the curb....right?

And as for dogs licking tears......hey, they lick a LOT of other places that make a tearful face sound gourmet....but we won't go there, ok?

Last night, in bed...my female was sniffing my hand where the chemo line had been....and then she very gently started licking my hand. You cannot convince me that our dogs don't sense, smell, KNOW what is going on. Even my male, who is sort of grumpy....the Walter Matthau of Lab/beagle mixes....has been especially "nice" to me lately!

Grab that little cutie of yours and use the snuggles for the great therapy they are!!

[WRONG FREAKING DIAGNOSIS]

It's not just weird...it's way beyond my ability to interpret! Like I said, I'm sorta new at this and I'm not dumb...but sometimes technical language seems MEANT to confuse, doesn't it?

I recently floated a question to a friend who's a med student, regarding doppler ultrasound. She sent back an explanation in HER words and then one straight out of the textbook. The latter....well, it may as well have been instructions for rocket science for all the good it did me.

I wrote her back and said I didn't understand doppler U/S any better than I do the weather!!

As has been said around here on numerous occasion, Cat....don't get TOO crazy reading stuff on the net! Or at the very least, if something captures your attention...print it out and ask a medical professional about it before you put stock in it...ok?

Kermix the Dancing Sausage....eh? That one, for some reason, reminds me of some of the spam IM's and emails I've been getting lately Cripes, even the Muppets aren't sacred anymore....huh?

[WRONG FREAKING DIAGNOSIS]

Okay...this is just a fork in the road. Admittedly a lousy dang misdiagnosis fork....but it's not insurmountable.

Breathe....focus....and just go after this with the same positive conviction that you intend to exercise your options and go after the beast!

I know this must have just rattled you bigtime. I think it would any of us....but do NOT let it damage your positive intentions nor your hope! Those are two of the strongest weapons any of us have....altho I gotta say, having the right diagnosis helps too, eh?

Hang in there....we're here for you....breathe....and let us know what the revised game plan is...ok? I'll be thinking of you....sending positive vibes and prayers.

[Brain Scan Questionable]

Oh, Beth....sending my best prayers hubby's way and yours. I am really new to this whole thing myself...but I just want to say, you're wise to stop reading too much on the net. I think a lot of the info out there is dated and dismal and far too lacking in hope, which is one of the intangible miracles with a diagnosis like this!

Keep your hopes up! Stay as positive and as informed as you can...but don't rely on what you read on the net. Every time I could feel my blood pressure rising (just after my dx when I was searching out everything on the internet)....I just closed the window and stopped reading. It was getting to be too much....and I found I got a lot more hopeful info right HERE and from my own medical team. (My internist has been a brick....even let me call him at home whenever I needed to! )

Hang in there...BREATHE deeply to calm yourself....and know our prayers are coming your way.

[Shelliemacs]

Thanks Angie, for updating us. I'm pretty new here....but not so new that I cannot add my prayers for Shelley and her dad. I've been thinking of her too, ever since she posted about this latest struggle of Dad's.

Shelley...holding a prayer for you and for Dad and hoping you'll soon have some positive news to share. Hope you are taking care of yourself too and getting some rest, if possible.

[Start 1st round of chemo tomorrow]

Well, I made it thru the first session. Took about 4.5 hours there....but I brought a good book!

Got both drugs today....the carboplatin and VP-16. And instead of having to wait till Tuesday for the next round....they have me set up to just go to the oncology unit of the hospital tomorrow and Sunday for rounds 2 and 3. The next two days will be VP-16 only.

So far so good. I had sort of a bland dinner, but am armed with Zofran and Compazine for nausea and Ativan if I can't sleep. I figure I'll take something for the nausea on the schedule they gave me...in hopes that it won't kick in. She said getting both drugs today might make me more apt to be nauseated than the next two days will.

Sheesh...some of the possible side effect to the anti nausea drugs sound almost worse than nausea!!

I appreciate everyone's prayers and "cheerleading"....and you've got my prayers in return! My visualization symbol is little yellow hard hats!! Lots of them, coursing around in my body and keeping the cancer contained right where it is until the chemo eradicates it!

The day I first met with the oncologist....I swear....on the way to his office we pulled up to a stoplight and in front of us was a yellow VW beetle that looked JUST like a hard hat on wheels! It had a sticker on the back with a name that is one of my hubby's nicknames! Now you tell ME that wasn't some sort of sign...eh?

Hard hats, it is! And they're working for me even as I type!!

[Pollywoggin']

Omigod....this post made me smile...and remember when my oldest came home from the last day of school in 1st grade, having "volunteered" to take the class tadpoles! What an experience.

Being a kid, he fed the poor things as if they were full grown sharks....and of course they died of an overdose of brine shrimp, causing a major trauma. So off we went to the pet store to get him a fish as a replacement pet....and we ended up with Leroy Betta who, from the get-go, was fed more appropriately

Then we decided Leroy was lonely....so we went back to the pet shop to get him a wife....and came home with Loretta. Now we've got Leroy and Loretta Betta, the Country Fish! Nobody told us not to put a female Betta in with a male...and hey, we're talking a "married couple" here....so Loretta went right into Leroy's bowl on the kitchen table.

I'm not sure how long it took before I noticed that Leroy was looking a little scroungy around the gills! Apparently, Loretta was attacking him....but she was clever enough NEVER to do it when we were looking! (I decided that Loretta was something of a fish b**ch!! ) A little help and advice from the pet store, PLUS the purchase of a separate bowl for Loretta solved the problem.....and Leroy and Loretta spent the rest of their time in a "legal separation"....the marriage having proved to be detrimental to Leroy's health.

When we moved cross country some months later....Leroy and Loretta were rehomed with one of the movers. We had two dogs to bring with us and I wasn't quite sure how to manage two fish on a 3,000 mile journey!

I was always REALLY grateful that neither of my sons brought home spiders or snakes they wanted to keep as pets. Over the years I've stuck with dogs....but thinking of Leroy and Loretta Betta still brings back some really fond memories and smiles!!

Hope your pollywog experience does the same for you, Becky!

[Start 1st round of chemo tomorrow]

Today was an ultrasound of the ovarian "lesion" picked up by the abdominal CT last Friday. Good news....there are NO blood vessels in whatever it is....cyst or perhaps adhesions. I'll need to follow up with another U/S next month, but it's nothing that will alter the plan to start chemo, so I'll get my first dose tomorrow. The second and third doses in this cycle will be on Tuesday and Wednesday, due to the weekend and holiday.

A bit unconventional, perhaps, to have one dose with three days between that and the next dose...but I'm just glad to get the ball rolling. It's been 17 days since the diagnosis, and while all my tests were clean of mets......for how long could I *count* on them staying that way?

I guess if this were swimming lessons...this is the point at which I'd be jumping in with both feet.....huh?

[CT........]

All the best, Sandy.....prayers, thoughts, vibes and wishes for another clean report!

Know the waiting is hard...but keep busy, stay positive and LET US KNOW soon as you hear the good news!

[Stigmas---COULD BE OFFENSIVE, WARNING WARNING]

Being newly diagnosed and also new to this forum, I am learning fast that it's more than just the stigma of "Oh well, she smoked. What did she expect?" Worse, it's the lack of funding and research to seek a cure or at least more effective treatments for lung cancer.

Before my diagnosis, my internist suspected lymphoma. I can remember thinking to myself...."ANYTHING but lung cancer...because I don't want or need the additional burden of knowing what some others will think!"

Well...it is lung cancer. I quit the day of my biopsy, May 6th. Quite honestly, quitting was easier than I thought....but then wanting to survive and wanting treatment to work as well as possible.....have been powerful motivators for me. I've yet to need gum or the patch..but will use them if I need to.

And you know....I DID have to apologize to my husband and my sons and my best friend, who is my "sister of the heart". All of them told me not to....to forget about guilt and to concentrate on getting well. But I needed to tell them I am sorry....so that I COULD focus on the battle...because addicted or not....I knew better. I never even really tried to quit before. Guess I thought I was better than I am at dodging bullets.

I refuse to apologize to anyone else. There aren't that many people yet who even know....simply because I don't want to have to deal with the head shaking, the "I told her so" stuff or even any pitying looks.....you know?

But I'm starting to get angry too....at what I'm reading here....from those of you who've been fighting this whole thing for a while and who KNOW far better than I do yet....that there IS a sort of apathy out there about funding, research and a cure....simply because of a stigma or two that are NOT based in actual fact......ie: that lung cancer is a disease of smokers only AND that the smoker is the ONLY one responsible for why they continued to smoke.

Every time I read here of someone being given a diagnosis and then a time frame by their medical professional....it makes me mad on their behalf, too. Without hope.....what is there to hang onto? The dismal statistics, the apathy and the "I told you so's"? Bah on that!

Perhaps there are stigmas attached to other illnesses....and other forms of cancer. But nothing quite like those attached to lung cancer. And as others have already said, NOBODY deserves this disease.....in any form.

Life ain't fair. What goes around DOESN'T always come around....much as we might like to think it does. Bad guys win and good guys lose and maybe we aren't meant to understand it all anyway.

But we can continue to support one another and make noise about the truth of this disease and hope it does some good. Whether we smoked or not....we can hold our heads high and fight and surround ourselves with those people - medical or otherwise - who won't judge us more than they will support and help us.

The best way to fight a stigma is with truth!

[Some Good News....CT results]

TERRIFIC news! Keep up the good fight, Mary....this is the kind of news we all love to hear!

[Update on my Dad]

Two thumbs up on such a good report from the doctor!! Hoping Dad continues to improve and you keep coming back with more good news!!

[Gearing up for stem cell...]

Sending prayers for Mom and kudos for her courage! Hoping this is wildly successful for her and will be looking forward to the updates.

[2 years ago today!]

Congrats!! Hope this is just the second of many, many more such anniversaries!

Goes to prove the power of hope and positive thoughts AND the fact that we aren't just statistics to be fit into little preplanned slots, huh?

Keep on proving 'em wrong, Dave!! And do something really fun or special to celebrate!

[dad had a heart attack last night]

Shelley....I'm so sorry. Know that you're wrapped in strength and love and prayers, to help you through.

[Soooo tired....already. Is this normal?]

Thanks for the input on this one. It seems easy enough to KNOW that stress adds to all these "symptoms"....yet under the circumstances, one can't help but think it's "something else" causing them.

Met with the radiation oncologist and oncologist yesterday. Before we start chemo, the oncologist wants an ovarian cyst picked up by the abdominal CT, checked out more thoroughly....to be sure it's not another primary. I've seen the films...and even the radiation oncologist is sure it's a cyst....but I'm scheduled for an ultrasound this Thursday....and then likely chemo will start on - he said Monday, but Monday is a holiday so - probably Tuesday.

Radiation will begin with the second cycle of chemo. I am beginning to sleep a little better and my appetite is a bit improved. I'm also not quite so fatigued as I was over last weekend....so I'm pretty sure all of that WAS just the emotional release and relief to find this is limited stage. That feels like good news in an otherwise "not very good news" month!

Guess I'll be getting carboplatin and etoposide...rather than cisplatin. My onc says cisplatin tends to be a little harder on the kidneys and I have a kidney condition he doesn't want to aggravate. Also, the radiation is done just once daily...but the rad. onc says they give a slightly higher dose for the 30 days and have found this to be very effective....as effective as 2X daily radiation, but without the more severe side effects.

I'm really happy with the whole medical team so far. They all have been quite willing to take as much time as we need to get our questions answered and they are positive and informative. The nursing staff too, is wonderful....so while I can't really say I'm "looking forward" to the coming months....I can say I feel like I'm in good hands, all considered....and am ready to fight this!

[Happy Birthday, MO!]

A day late, but no less sincere! Happy, happy birthday Mo....and may we all say that to you many, many more times!!

[CT Scan 5/26]

Prayers headed your way, Mo, for good results and then a relaxing vacation.

[Soooo tired....already. Is this normal?]

This past week was emotionally draining....so I'm sure the stress is a large part of why I feel so tired now. Lots of tests done....and waiting for results is never easy.

On Friday night, my internist called after talking to the radiologist following my abdominal CT, the last test. He left a message as I was out for a bit....so I came home to the message that aside from three cyst-like lesions (on ovary, kidney and adrenal gland) that will require follow up ultrasound....the radiologist is convinced that there is NO evidence of metastatic disease!

All my tests have been clean, and my internist confirms that I am limited stage.

The relief opened up the flood gates. I cried more Friday night than I have since all of this started. And then yesterday around 2:00 I told my hubby I was going to lie down and nap. I literally never got up after that! Spent the whole afternoon and evening on the bed, napping, dozing, reading a little and then napping some more. DH brought me dinner on a tray. I just felt completely wiped out!

I'm still tired today. I know a lot of it has to just be that emotional release of pent up anticipation over test results....plus the apprehension that remains for what is to come. It doesn't help either that I have chronic fatigue and am hypothroid, I'm sure.

But has anyone else felt this overwhelming tiredness even BEFORE they started treatment? I so want to have a little reserve of energy heading into treatment....but cannot imagine how to acquire it. I do move around during the day...except for yesterday! But I feel so drained of energy already and even Ambien isn't giving me any more than about 4 hours of decent sleep at night.

Any suggestions out there? Or am I doomed to drag my way thru treatment?

[The "Polyp King" unbelievable...]

I can think of several things I'd rather be notorious for....than producing polyps!! Some claim to fame, eh? But I'm glad they got your Dad all cleaned out and I will keep a good thought for everything being benign.

It's true the prep is the worst part...and even that has been improved, in terms of NOT having to drink a gallon plus of that oily stuff! I just had one last November. All it took was 3 glasses of the mixture in water....and then 3 more glasses 12 hours later. It was being HUNGRY that got to me the most. My stomach grumbled and complained and I was NOT fit to live with.

The procedure itself was a breeze....because I was out like a light! It's the only way to go for this procedure. So just make sure you find a doc who zonks you out for it.

Hope Dad is feeling more chipper already and continued prayers and good wishes coming your way!

[I'm going INSANE - Humbly asking for prayers. Thank you.]

I'm way too new to all this to have any good advice for you, but prayers and sympathy? You betcha. You've got 'em.

I really do think stress - particularly in a situation like this - just magnifies everything, including symptoms. Try to take things one, logical step at a time and if possible, is there anyone on the medical team who will advocate for you? My internist's nurse is a true gem. She's a breast cancer survivor herself....and she's been great in helping me coordinate everything, get information, get copies of my records, etc. Is there anyone who could do that for you to sort of help you coordinate all of this?

Meantime....make a list, take things in order and try your best to eat and get some rest. My internist gave me a prescription for Ambien. I don't take it every night...but with all the tests this week, it's been hard to sleep. I've been so anxious....so a little help thru chemistry seemed a good idea!

Good luck....I hope everything falls into place for you soon. Know you've got our prayers and calming thoughts and that you're NOT crazy.....or at least not any crazier than you were to begin with! (I have to tell myself that too! )

[A question about this cough...]

Another bit of good news....just got the call that my brain MRI was clean!

Somehow, news like that makes the cough not such a problem, you know?

[on the edge again. (update)]

Sending prayers and all positive thoughts yours and Dad's way! Please keep us posted.

[Hall Pass Needed for Scotland]

Have a wonderful trip, Don and Lucie!! Scotland (playing St. Andrews, specifically) is on my hubby's and my "to do" list!! Maybe someday...eh?

Meanwhile, wishing you a safe and wonderful trip...and I gotta say too, I'm looking forward to that kilt picture!

[Recklessly Skipping Hall Pass Request]

Good for you!! Have a ball in Vegas. Haven't been there for years....but if you stick me in front of a computer Keno machine with a couple rolls of quarters, I can entertain myself for hours!

Have a great trip, win big and enjoy the "medical free zone"!!