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Larry

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    The new salesman !!!

    in JUST FOR FUN

    Posted

    >

    > A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big

    > "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

    >

    > The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says,

    > "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."

    >

    > Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start

    tomorrow.

    > I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

    >

    > His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the

    > store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought

    > something from you today?"

    >

    > The kid says, "One."

    >

    > The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers

    a

    > day. How much was the sale for?"

    >

    > The kid says "$101,237.65."

    >

    > The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

    >

    >

    > The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook.

    >

    >

    > Then I sold him a medium fishhook.

    >

    >

    > Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

    >

    >

    > Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

    >

    >

    > Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the

    coast,

    > so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the

    boat

    > department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he

    > didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the

    > automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

    >

    > The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold

    him a

    > BOAT AND A TRUCK???!!!"

    >

    > The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife,

    > and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go

    fishing........"

    Making a Baby

    in JUST FOR FUN

    Posted

    MAKING A BABY... There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a

    surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to

    arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now;

    The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a

    door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make

    a sale. Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...'' Oh, no need

    to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

    "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you

    know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had

    hoped. Please come in and have a seat" After a moment she asked,

    blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I

    usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the

    bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread

    out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out

    for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one

    every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from

    six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My,

    that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has

    to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm

    sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs.

    Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a

    portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he

    said. "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at

    her throat. "And these twins turned out excepti onally well - when you

    consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was

    difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to

    the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four

    and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs.

    Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And

    for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and

    yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I

    had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my

    equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do

    you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true,

    Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get

    to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need

    to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in

    the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted.........

    Any advice?

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Do not really have any answer's about much of what you wrote about but glad your still fighting.I do not know much about the macro diet but i would tell those people who want to do intervention to first have medical approval. Speaking of people who think they know what is best for you to me is rude inconsiderate even tho there intention's are well meaning. What has happened to make so many group's behave like policeing other people's life's is a right is troublesome to me.

    But like other's have said eat what you like and let's put some weight back on.Like my Wife's Doctor told her once he did not worry what kind of food's she ate but just eat.And as for the proper eating i just live by that old saying one man's meat is another man's poison. In other word's just because it's good for you does not make it good for me.And as for Red Meat all i can say is i try and eat it in moderation but i sure like reading about all these old people around here that have ate mostly beef and bean's with Potatoes and are Healthy as Horses as the saying goes....

    Greensburg Kansas today !!!

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Well all i finally after all the time that has passed since the Greensburg Tornado i went and took a drive and had a personal view of the devastation . For 2 month's after the Tornado all highway traffic was rerouted from the area so as to keep looters and curiousty lookers away and allow cleanup and emergency crew's freedom to work.

    I can now say after seeing it in person that is just like all the reports described. It does remind one of Hiroshima in a minature way after the A bomb was dropped.Now for the upside of the town now and that is they have got 3/4 of there student's in school from the previous year. The Hospital is a group of Quonset Canvas tent's and the shool's are a group or bunch of portable building's.The down town has one or two building left standing and the rest is like a giant vacant lot with hole's where building's once stood.Almost all the shrubery and tree's outside of sapling's are mostly gone.It is unbelievable that there are here and there a lone house still standing and occupied with total destruction around them.

    The local kwik shop is going and where a Co-op service station once stood is a single self serve island for Gasoline and possibly Diesel.But the Town is so barren outside of some Fema trailer's and the previous described building's and still pile's of rubbage to be hauled away that it is hard to even imagine that a town ever existed there.I as well as i knew my way around the town before the Tornado was unable to regonize much of any thing.Hand made sign's mark the street's and the city office's are set up in portable building's also.To sum it all up i would say it was depressing to look at but sign's of hope for the future were also visible.......Larry

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