lilyjohn Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Today was quite a day. I can't believe it is already this time of year again. It has been three years. You would think these dates wouldn't be so hard any more but sometimes I think they get harder instead of easier. Three years ago today It had been just one day sense Johnny had had the first panic attack. That day he started with the anxiety attacks. His nurse got permission for him to take an extra Adavan that day. What a nightmare That night when he took one at bedtime it took only a few minutes for the hilucinations to start. When he would doze off the hilucinations would turn to nightmares. He was kicking and moaning so much I would have to wake him up. Once awake the hilucinations would start again. That lasted all night. I doubt that we got a full hours sleep. I just can't get those images out of my head. When this date comes it is as if it is happening all over again. This morning I was nervous already. I have a problem with my car. I'm not sure what it is but each time I leave to drive to work I say a prayer that I will get there and home with no real problem. It pulls the grades good but if I don't excelerate fast enough it bucks a couple of times. If I excelerate hard and steady it climbs with no problems. Needless to say that really makes me nervous. I do need to get it checked out but the place I have used before is not opened on Saturday and I would have to let my rent be very late if I get it checked out. I know I need to but I have to find a way to get it done and not lose any work. I just keep driving it and praying that it works a little longer. Add my car problem to the date and it was a double whammy. If I ever needed a sign from Johnny that he is with me it had to be today. Then I think I may have got some but I'm not sure and it sure would be strange On my way home today I had to stop and meet a new client. I will go there for part of the day tomorrow. While looking at his folder I saw his alergies. One of them is Adavan! I got home later than I would have and decided not to work in my yard as I had planned. I was just too tired. I sat for a while just resting then took Misty out for her walk. It was so quiet and peaceful. The best time of the day. We were almost finished our walk when in the distance I heard a quail rooster crow. Any of you who have followed my story know that is one of my signs from Johnny. I was going to read for awhile but remembered that a new show was on tonight and I wanted to check it out. The show was Ghost Whisperer. I watched the show and it did remind me of a lot of things that I have come to believe then at the end of the show one of the characters made a statement about the death of her son and her husband. She said "they are with me. I can feel them. I really do believe they are there watching out for me. I have to believe that or I don't think I would be able to go on." I listened to those words and they could have been my own. I have to believe or I don't know if I could go on. I think maybe I got my signs. The Adavan reminding me of my pain, the quail rooster letting me know that Johnny is near and the words of that lady that says so well what I feel. So maybe my day is ending a little better than it started. I just have to trust that God will get me through until I can do something about my car and I have to believe that Johnny and all of my loved ones are around looking out for me and reassuring me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Saw that show last night also. I also believe that statement. We here on earth are generally limited by time, space, our body but in the life to come----------. When I met my husband I was 20, in school etc in Boston. He wanted me to come to Minnesota with him to meet his Dad ( who had lung cancer that was discovered after a car accident). Single, in school, going to Minnesota with a guy on a trip was definitely not in the cards for me! Jay did tell his Dad about me and his Dad was happy that Jay wanted to marry me. A couple of months later in January he died. We married in September when I finished school. The strange thing is I feel in a special way that he has always been with us. You may think I am nuts but I often have "talked" to him. Believe me he was with me when years later I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Perhaps I had a special advocate on the other side, I survived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 I believe this is a real reassurance to you. This is really important for us to go on indeed. I absolutely agree with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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