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Funnies About Aging...lol


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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctors' permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I'd got my leotards on, the class was over......

The nice thing about being senile, is that you can hide your own Easter Eggs.

Just before the funeral service, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" She replied, "98. Two years older than me." "So you're 96?" the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostrate cancer, and diabetes.I'm half blind, and I can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia. I've poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my drivers' licence.

My memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

Don't think of it as hot flushes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let ageing get you down. It's too ****ed hard to get back up again.

Remember.....you don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

The Senility Prayer..... Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now, I think you're supposed to send this to five or six, or maybe ten. Oh, just send it to a bunch of your friends, if you can remember who they are......

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